# UK Dopers - A Call To Arms (or: let's get 'em while they're not looking) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 4, 2002, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349 "2002-07-04T13:18:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/41 "2002-07-04T15:17:09Z")
Reconquer America? _Must_ we? I was sitting here enjoying myself, quietly celebrating “We Got Rid Of The People Who Can’t Spell ‘Aluminium’” Day… now we have to take them all _back_? No, I may have to be a conscientious objector here. If you _have_ to, you can conscript me as a stretcher bearer or porridge carrier or some such, but I refuse to take up arms in such a cause. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/42 "2002-07-04T15:18:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Celyn \* > \*\* > > Talking of typos, could **Euty** tell this ignorant Brit what a **minue** is? > > **glee** Touche! Not only a _Grauniad_ reader but a product of a university that once managed to spell its own name wrongly on our matriculation cards! There is no hope for me! \*\* Did you go to the same university as me? If so, I’d heard that the mis-spelling on the matriculation card was deliberate to throw off forgers (since it was correct elsewhere on the card background). Curious… ---
**Author:** ![RickQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@RickQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickQ)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/43 "2002-07-04T15:18:41Z")
Reporting for duty \ 😃 I have already begun working, I have extolled Brynda and her family the virtues of Thorntons toffee and they were immediatley taken in by it sweet, creamy flavour. It is a potent weapon, any and all who try it immediately succumb to it’s wiley charms. I am also working on the kids, with gifts of Mr Men books and Bob the Builder. This work should pay off in the years to come. I am also using my British accent to full effect. Rick ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/44 "2002-07-04T15:21:24Z")
> [@](#): > > - is there anyone in the Netherlands who speaks less than four languages?! Reminds me of a routine from Eddie Izzard "I went into a burger joint in Rotterdam and asked the clerk 'do you speak English(However you say it in Dutch) The guy looked at me with such a face and said ‘Yeaaaaaah’ and it was such a wierd face, such an agast face, and I realized it was the eqivalent of going in and asking ‘can you count to three?’" ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/45 "2002-07-04T15:29:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wolfman \* > Reminds me of a routine from Eddie Izzard > > "I went into a burger joint in Rotterdam and asked the clerk ‘do you speak English’ **(However you say it in Dutch)** > > The guy looked at me with such a face and said ‘Yeaaaaaah’ > and it was such a wierd face, such an aghast face, and I realized it was the equivalent of going in and asking **'can you count to three? '** Well I’m not sure about the spelling, but here goes… Sprecht u Engels? Ain, tway, dree and for my finale het ontbeit is klaar! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/46 "2002-07-04T15:30:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crusoe \* > \*\* > > Did you go to the same university as me? If so, I’d heard that the mis-spelling on the matriculation card was deliberate to throw off forgers (since it was correct elsewhere on the card background). Curious… \*\* Heck - that would be a coincidence, **Crusoe** Mine was St Andrews - what about you? It once spelled itself “St. Andews” on a matric. card. I still have it lying about somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/47 "2002-07-04T15:31:09Z")
Now, **Francesca** , you just watch yourself. Every red-blooded American is given fireworks and lots of 'em on this day, and if you start pushing the King of England in our face again, we’ll just … uh … Um … Yeah! We’ll get all Guy-Fawkes on your arse! So THERE. (He _did_ manage to blow up Parliament, right… right?) ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/48 "2002-07-04T15:33:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Celyn \* > \*\* > > Heck - that would be a coincidence, **Crusoe** Mine was St Andrews - what about you? It once spelled itself “St. Andews” on a matric. card. I still have it lying about somewhere. \*\* Ah, close but no cigar for me. I was at Edinburgh. The background of the matric card had “EDINBURGH” repeated in tiny, pale letters, with a random selection of them written as “EDINGBURGH”. I’ll ask my sister if she still has her card; she was at St Andrews more recently. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/49 "2002-07-04T15:34:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\*Now, **Francesca** , you just watch yourself. Every red-blooded American is given fireworks and lots of 'em on this day, and if you start pushing the King of England in our face again, we’ll just … uh … > > Um … > > Yeah! We’ll get all Guy-Fawkes on your arse! > > So THERE. > > (He _did_ manage to blow up Parliament, right… right?) \*\* Um … no, he didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/50 "2002-07-04T15:34:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lno \* > \*\*Now, **Francesca** , you just watch yourself. Every red-blooded American is given fireworks and lots of 'em on this day, and if you start pushing the King of England in our face again, we’ll just … uh … > > Um … > > Yeah! We’ll get all Guy-Fawkes on your arse! > > So THERE. > > (He _did_ manage to blow up Parliament, right… right?) \*\* Um … no, he didn’t. That’s why it’s still there. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/51 "2002-07-04T15:35:16Z")
No - Guy Fawkes, “the only man to enter Parliament with honest intentions” did not succeed in his plan to blow up the (English) Parliament. His cunning plan was foiled. ---
**Author:** ![RickQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@RickQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickQ)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/52 "2002-07-04T15:36:20Z")
**Ino** , nope. He was caught in the act, in a cellar fur of gunpowder and tried for treason. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/53 "2002-07-04T15:40:34Z")
Joke: failed. Apparently the American sense of humour is even more subtle. If, by subtle, I mean ‘pathetic’. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/54 "2002-07-04T15:44:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by glee \* > \*\*Well I’m not sure about the spelling, but here goes… > > Sprecht u Engels? > > Ain, tway, dree > > and for my finale > > het ontbeit is klaar! 😃 \*\* One thing’s for sure: now, both Americans and Dutchmen alike will bitch at you because of improper spelling. 😃 [sub]Nah, just kidding, impressive enough! Well, I still hate you for that world cup joke, of course.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![RickQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@RickQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickQ)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/55 "2002-07-04T15:48:03Z")
Damn my slow fingers :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Go\_alien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9d8465/32.png) [@Go\_alien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_alien)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/56 "2002-07-04T15:48:51Z")
And when we’ve succeeded, they’ll be thanking us for it, every November. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/57 "2002-07-04T15:54:27Z")
I can’t wait for the invasion. It’ll be so fun seeing all these confused Brits running around trying to convert all our proper English measurements into their farcical Metric system and trying to find a Starbucks that will take Euros. When all is said and done they will go back to their homeland with only a “We tried to conquer America and all we got were these lousy t-shirts” t-shirts. ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/58 "2002-07-04T16:00:39Z")
Euros? Euros? Good old pounds and pence, my misinformed American foe. **Note to allies:** I have enlisted the aid of The Shetland Ponies Welfare Society. We have a cavalry. Also, a travelling brigade of morris dancers have volunteered their small wooden batons for waving purposes. We can’t lose. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/59 "2002-07-04T16:02:03Z")
Psst – we don’t use Euros in Britain. And most of us still understand both metric and imperial. I see we’re successfullly lulling you chaps into a false sense of security! ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2002, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349/60 "2002-07-04T16:08:37Z")
It’s not a false sense of security, it’s a bloody truthful sense of ingonrance. And that is number one reason why your plan will fail: Invader: Look chap, we’ve conquered your town. Have the decency to surrender peacefully. Merkin: Huh? Are you related to Fergie? Want a Big Mac? Invader: Now see here, we’d really appreciate it if you’d stop all this nonsense and just start pledging allegiance to the crown again. It is the old gal’s Jubillee year you know. Merkin: Who? Sharon Osbourne? You see, you cannot conquer the already defeated. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-dopers-a-call-to-arms-or-lets-get-em-while-theyre-not-looking/117349.md?page=4)