I haven’t seen a convincing one yet.
Blunkett’s campaign for ID cards over the last 2 years and the reasons for them have had several incarnations: Entitlement cards to stop benefit fraud, ID cards to stop illegal immigrants and or asylum seekers, illegal workers and finally TERRORISM.
An ID card is bad enough in itself, but it’s the database that supports it is the danger. We still haven’t been told what Biometric and personal details will be held. To input this initial data (presumably names and addresses etc.) is going to be a mammoth task possibly involving temporary workers. The opportunity for identity fraud is increased. The Home Secretary says that “Accredited Organisations” such as Banks will be able to access this data. There will be many more though, but he didn’t say who. Whatever data is decided upon as necessary for this database you can bet that over time more and more “Accredited Organisations” will be anxious to get their hands on that personal data. It could be possible that the Biometric information will be a retina scan, so when you buy your train/bus ticket, or go to hospital or any transaction in fact it will all be logged. “They” will begin to have a complete record of your every activity.
It may even come to this. Get your tinfoil ready.
Operator: “Thank you for calling Pizza Delivery. May I have your national ID number?”
Customer: “I’d like to place an order.”
Operator: “I must have your number first, sir?”
Customer: "My National ID Number. Just a sec. It’s 1-4343-7658-1234-987W
Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Smith. I see you live at 149 London Road, and the phone number’s 0208-7111-6123. Your office number at Happy Valley Squirrel Foods is 1-87755-9802, and your mobile number’s 7780-1266-8866 Email address is smitty@ coldmail.co.uk. Which number are you calling from, sir?”
Customer: “Eh? I’m at home. Where did you get all this information?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the NID, sir.”
Customer: “The NID, what is that?”
Operator: “We’re wired into the National Identity Register, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time”.
Customer: (Sighs) “Right, well, I’d like to order a couple of your Spicy Meat Special pizzas.”
Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
Customer: “How no?”
Operator: “Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your NHS consultant won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”
Customer: “What the f**k? What do you recommend, then?”
Operator: “How about our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”
Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
Operator: “Well, you withdrew ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from your local library last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”
Customer: “OK, OK. Give me two family-sized ones, then.”
Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four weans, and the 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your order comes to £39.99.”
Customer: “Jesus! Right, my credit card number is…”
Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”
Customer: “Right then. I’ll go out to the cash machine and get some folding money before your driver gets here.”
Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your bank account’s overdrawn too.”
Customer: “Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
Operator: “We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you’re out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a scooter can be a little awkward.”
Customer: “Wait a minute! How do you know I ride a scooter?”
Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car was re-posessed last week. But your Vespa’s all paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday.”
Customer: " For f**k’s sake!!!"
Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 4, 2005 conviction for swearing at a traffic warden, and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for questioning the parentage of the judge.” "Oh yes, and I see here that you just got out from a 30 day stay in the Wandsworth. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”
Customer: “Yes, I have a voucher for a free 2 litres of Coke”.
Operator: "I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soft drinks to Diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Delivery.
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