# UK vs Texas **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 17, 2004, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731 "2004-10-17T23:15:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/41 "2004-10-18T13:31:58Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > Well go after their landmarks, they do seem to last longer then yours though. But there are far far more to aim for šŸ˜ƒ The biggest problem I see with taking the fight to 'em is that I was taught to NEVER hit a woman. Over there I donā€™t know if I could tell which is which? šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/42 "2004-10-18T13:32:57Z")
Dear Sir, Last Tuesday, while trying to invade Texas, one of the natives shot my leg clean off with a pump action shotgun. Nor would the blighter keep still while I tried to poke him with my pointed stick. I find this behaviour most unsporting, and indicative of the reasons it is our bounden duty as representatives of Britannia, to subdue these savages, and bring them into the civilised world, for their own good. I remain your humble and obedient servant, **jjimm** ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/43 "2004-10-18T13:34:14Z")
> [@Exgineer](#): > > I can see it nowā€¦ > > ā€œLook out, Earl, that guyā€™s wearing a _scarf_.ā€ football? did he actually say English football? bwaa-ha-ha šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![ouisey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9fc29f/32.png) [@ouisey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouisey)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/44 "2004-10-18T13:47:20Z")
> [@cornflakes](#): > > [Texas rage](http://eteamz.active.com/texasrage/index.cfm?) is a ā€œchristian basedā€ girls basketball teams that fosters a ā€œpositiveā€ enviroment for improving basketball skills. I donā€™t think that they have a prayer. > > On the other hand, the [Austin Rage](http://www.austinragefootball.net/) might. > > ā€œDonā€™t mess with Texasā€ is the department of transportationā€™s anti-littering slogan, but you knew thatā€¦ right? I did know that: a gentleman from Dallas explained it to me. He also explained that a lot of Texans sporting the Donā€™t Mess with Texas bumper stickers werenā€™t really trying to promote a cleaner environment. The way he explained it was that they were trying to give us a friendly warning. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/45 "2004-10-18T13:52:32Z")
> [@ouisey](#): > > I did know that: a gentleman from Dallas explained it to me. He also explained that a lot of Texans sporting the Donā€™t Mess with Texas bumper stickers werenā€™t really trying to promote a cleaner environment. The way he explained it was that they were trying to give us a friendly warning. cleaner environment? šŸ˜• ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/46 "2004-10-18T14:00:22Z")
**jjimm** whatā€™s with the locationā€¦you say your an Irishman and yet your sidin w/ the English? Thatā€™s almost as bad as calling me a fuckin **yank** ā€¦ now themā€™s fightin words. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/47 "2004-10-18T14:10:34Z")
I donā€™t say Iā€™m Irish - I say Iā€™m in Ireland. Iā€™m as English as the day is long, part of the reconquest of Ireland, starting by stealing their jobs and their women. Next stop Cork, then on to Galveston! ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/48 "2004-10-18T14:20:25Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I donā€™t say Iā€™m Irish - I say Iā€™m in Ireland. Iā€™m as English as the day is long, part of the reconquest of Ireland, starting by stealing their jobs and their women. Next stop Cork, then on to Galveston! I donā€™t watch much TV but I like a good movie ever now and then. Did you ever see the movie _Lonesome Dove_ with Tommy Lee Jones and Robert Duvallā€¦ these two Irishmen (young) are lost in Mexicoā€¦and one of 'em asks Capā€™n Callā€¦ are we near Gal-veston? Then again you might not know the difference either. šŸ˜‰ Lotsa folks donā€™t really comprehend a two day drive across a state. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/49 "2004-10-18T14:24:40Z")
> [@t-keela](#): > > Then again you might not know the difference either. šŸ˜‰ > Lotsa folks donā€™t really comprehend a two day drive across a state. I lived in Houston for three years, so I know yā€™allā€™s ways. Biggest skies in the world, ever, and the best steaks. (Thatā€™s the real reason for the invasion, but donā€™t let on to the allies.) ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/50 "2004-10-18T14:29:28Z")
Houston? Hell I changed my mind I forgot that place was down there. if you want it feel freeā€¦come and get it. Just take it with you when you leave. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/51 "2004-10-18T14:31:36Z")
Before you invade us, ask yourselves: do yā€™all really want to be this close to Oklahoma? (I kid, Okies! I kid!) šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/52 "2004-10-18T14:37:57Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Before you invade us, ask yourselves: do yā€™all really want to be this close to Oklahoma? > > (I kid, Okies! I kid!) šŸ˜ƒ Oh cut 'em some slack pravā€¦just think how youā€™d act if you were stuck between Heaven (Tx.) and Hell (Kansas). oopsā€¦I just noticed, youā€™re in Houston. Thatā€™s gotta be almost as bad. well, at least you can go to the beach once in awhile if you donā€™t trip on syringe or slip in an oil slick. šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/53 "2004-10-18T14:38:23Z")
This Texan, for one, would welcome our new British overlords. Deliver us, please! Donā€™t be intimidated by the gun-toting ā€œcowboyā€ cultureā€“itā€™s mostly phony machismo, and a well-trained army could slaughter the gun nuts and still have time in the afternoon to sit down, drink tea, play cricket, and say ā€œright-o,ā€ which I believe is what British people do in their spare time. ---
**Author:** ![t-keela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a3d4f5/32.png) [@t-keela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/t-keela)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/54 "2004-10-18T14:45:14Z")
**Met** I doubt that they could handle all the fuckin crack heads in Dallas and Houston, Austin, San Antonio, El Paso, Corpus, what am I leavin outā€¦thatā€™s a damned army of folks right there. Put 'em on the front line. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/55 "2004-10-18T15:02:12Z")
> [@t-keela](#): > > Oh cut 'em some slack pravā€¦just think how youā€™d act if you were stuck between Heaven (Tx.) and Hell (Kansas). > oopsā€¦I just noticed, youā€™re in Houston. Thatā€™s gotta be almost as bad. well, at least you can go to the beach once in awhile if you donā€™t trip on syringe or slip in an oil slick. šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜ƒ Actually, itā€™s Abilene nowā€¦just havenā€™t bothered to change it yet. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/56 "2004-10-18T15:50:13Z")
Iā€™d be one helluva tenacious battleā€¦ cept when your tanks overtook ours on a highway. Then weā€™d probably pull over to the right and let you pass. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/57 "2004-10-18T16:12:36Z")
Texas wins, 21-3. But thatā€™s only because our football scores count for more points. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![TitoBenito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2acd7d/32.png) [@TitoBenito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TitoBenito)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/58 "2004-10-18T17:22:08Z")
> [@Israfel](#): > > Exactly how many Texans are actually armed anyway? As someone who has lived in Texas for 20 or so years, I have to say, not only do I not know anyone who owns a gun, but the only guns Iā€™ve even _seen_ in real life (as opposed to in movies or something) were on the holsters of police officers. Iā€™ve lived in Texas all my life and have touched a gun twice. One was a some kind of yugoslavian rifle my friend collected the other was the one I sold when all the hunting people called in sick at the sporting good store I worked at . I was the gun man for 60 glorious minutes. It was probibly illegal. Redneck: Now what kinda bullet does this one here fire. Me: Large ones I imagine. Heres the gun maybe you can tell. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/59 "2004-10-18T17:39:07Z")
> [@Shibb](#): > > Of course the rich folks would immediately welcome their new British overlords, but the folks that drink Lonestar and take their BBQ and chili seriously would be a lot harder to weed out. > [@Metacom](#): > > This Texan, for one, would welcome our new British overlords. Deliver us, please! Donā€™t be intimidated by the gun-toting ā€œcowboyā€ cultureā€“itā€™s mostly phony machismo, and a well-trained army could slaughter the gun nuts and still have time in the afternoon to sit down, drink tea, play cricket, and say ā€œright-o,ā€ which I believe is what British people do in their spare time. You must be one of the rich ones. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2004, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731/60 "2004-10-18T19:38:40Z")
Speaking as an **Irish-American resident of New York City** , Iā€™d just like to stop by this thread to report that the concept of Texans and Englishmen leveling deadly fire at one another is giving me serious wood. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uk-vs-texas/269731.md?page=4)