# Ukranian dolphins switch sides, join Russian Navy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684 "2014-03-27T15:48:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/1 "2014-03-27T15:48:17Z")
The Crimea situation’s become such a mess, [now non-human species are taking sides](http://www.cnn.com/2014/03/27/world/europe/crimea-dolphins-defect/index.html?hpt=hp_t2): > [@CNN](#): > > \*Weeks after Russia annexed Ukraine’s Crimea region, it plans to take custody of dolphins in the nation as well. > > Not just any dolphins. These highly trained military mammals detect risks such as sea mines or enemy scuba divers trying to slip through. Sea mines are sophisticated weapons that can sink ships and other watercraft. > > “The combat dolphin program in the Crimean city of Sevastopol will be preserved and redirected toward the interests of the Russian navy,” [state-run Russian news agency RIA Novosti reported Thursday.](http://en.ria.ru/military_news/20140327/188796282/Crimean-Combat-Dolphins-to-Help-Emergencies-Ministry-Divers-Locate-Explosives--Source.html) > > Dolphins are a crucial part of open-water security. They detect sounds and objects in murky waters that human beings can’t, making them uniquely effective at highlighting dangers on the sea floor. > > Ukraine also has [combat sea lions](http://en.ria.ru/military_news/20140326/188762672/Crimean-Military-Dolphins-to-Serve-in-Russian-Navy.html) that operate under the same base. It’s unclear whether they’ll be barking allegiances to Moscow or Kiev. > \* ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/2 "2014-03-27T17:28:23Z")
The dolphins were ethnically russian. Common mistake. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/3 "2014-03-27T18:58:27Z")
Hey, you make it sound like the dolphins were forced to switch sides. The Russian government has assured us that the dolphins were given a free choice and voluntarily chose to join the Russian navy. And don’t believe any lies those fascist sea lions tell you. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/4 "2014-03-27T19:37:18Z")
So long and thanks for all the fish! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/5 "2014-03-27T19:40:56Z")
Those traitorous dolphins will swim for whoever feeds them fish. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/6 "2014-03-27T19:43:36Z")
We definitely have a dolphin gap with the Russians. Top people, and I mean Top People are working on this problem. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/7 "2014-03-28T00:00:43Z")
> [@](#): > > _“The combat dolphin program in the Crimean city of Sevastopol will be preserved and redirected toward the interests of the Russian navy,”_ So… they’ve been re-porpoised? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/8 "2014-03-28T00:44:22Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > Top people, and I mean Top People are working on this problem. Who? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/9 "2014-03-28T05:31:30Z")
This is currently an unconfirmed rumor, but I hear whisperings that the 107th Walrus Brigade is also planning to throw in their flippers for Moscow. No word yet from the polar bear commandos or the elephant seal army, though. ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/10 "2014-03-28T10:52:52Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Hey, you make it sound like the dolphins were forced to switch sides. > > The Russian government has assured us that the dolphins were given a free choice and voluntarily chose to join the Russian navy. Yes, I heard that the dolphins had to jump through hoops to be accepted into the Russian navy. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/11 "2014-03-28T11:02:05Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > We definitely have a dolphin gap with the Russians. > > Top people, and I mean Top People are working on this problem. > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Who? 😉 Top. People. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/12 "2014-03-28T11:28:30Z")
> [@Ximenean](#): > > Yes, I heard that the dolphins had to jump through hoops to be accepted into the Russian navy. \*They call him Flipper, Flipper, faster than lightning, No-one you see, knows Crimea like he, And we know Flipper, lives in a world full of wonder, Knuckling under, to Putin you see…! \* “Flipper…! Show us where the minefield is…!” “Baadadadadada-NYET! Baadadadadada-NYET!” “Flipper, show us… or I shoot Katya…” “…[CENSORED](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEq0X6awNO4)…” ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/13 "2014-03-28T13:56:42Z")
> [@Ximenean](#): > > Yes, I heard that the dolphins had to jump through hoops to be accepted into the Russian navy. They must be having a whale of a time. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Ektar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Captain\_Ektar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Ektar)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/14 "2014-03-28T17:11:35Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > So… they’ve been re-porpoised? well done 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/15 "2014-03-28T18:00:55Z")
At least we know now why they have bottle noses. Vodka. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukranian-dolphins-switch-sides-join-russian-navy/684684/16 "2014-03-28T18:40:56Z")
It’s not fair. The Russians have vast Beluga caviar reserves. Ukrainians can only usually offer Sterlet, and even then sometimes they can only find crappy Lumpsucker. Even dolphins have standards! Next up! Photo of Putin using 2 dolphins as waterskis!