# "Ukulele Ike Has Left the Building . . . " **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196 "2000-06-30T18:54:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/21 "2000-06-30T20:17:35Z")
Eve claims to be an expert on movies, so let us test that. (test mode on)Quick, Eve, how many Porky’s movies were made, and summarize the plot of each! Without looking at imdb.(test mode off) I thought so. In reality, Eve is a Queens hausfrau with four children, all under the age of ten. She only posts during the day because that’s when the kids are kept busy making beanie babies with their little nimble fingers. During this time she is chain-smoking and watching “The Shopping Channel” with cold cream on her face, wearing sweat pants, in between posts to the SDMB. In the evening, she has to leave the computer because her husband Noel (an unfortunate name chosen because her mother-in-law had a passion for the plays of Noel Coward) expects his Hungry-Man dinner to be hot as soon as he takes off his boots. Then it’s beer and Fox TV until they fall asleep in their individual LaZBoys. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/22 "2000-06-30T20:24:06Z")
Ike being a jerk to someone caused that person to troll us for months on end and make everyone’s lives hell. Now, needless to say, the troll was an unstable individual who had no reason to act the way he did. But Ike DID overreact to the person way back when, and this did not help matters. And while I think the troll would have done what he did anyway, it certainly didn’t help. * * * Yer putz, Satan :wally _I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR: Two months, three weeks, 18 hours, 26 minutes and 3 seconds. 3310 cigarettes not smoked, saving $413.84. Life saved: 1 week, 4 days, 11 hours, 50 minutes._ ---
**Author:** ![Kepi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kepi/32/7251_2.png) [@Kepi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kepi)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/23 "2000-06-30T20:51:06Z")
> [@](#): > > He is the guy standing outside the Knopf building in a cow suit with a chef’s hat, holding a big EAT AT BURGER HEAVEN sign. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. To think that Ike has gone from playing Mayor McCheese in the old McDonaldsland commercials to this. Tsk, tsk, tsk. And Eve was a writer for _Saturday Night Live_. But her skits were way to clever and funny, so Lorne Michaels fired her. ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/24 "2000-06-30T21:04:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Ike being a jerk to someone caused that person to troll us for months on end and make everyone’s lives hell. I don’t recall my life being hellish due to any troll. Ike is really an alien. From the planet Drupida. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/25 "2000-06-30T21:11:54Z")
No, her life has been hellish due to **me**! Ta da dah! (thankyewverymuuuuuch!) Anyway, everyone knows Ike is really the dad from the original _Teen Wolf_ movie. (Who _was_ that guy anyway???) ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/26 "2000-06-30T21:13:35Z")
I’ve heard he has a computer at home. Gee, thanks for expressing your opinion, **Satan** …kind of like farting at a tea party. I had no _idea_ that the Lout Rampage was entirely my fault. Color _me_ embarrassed. Have I mentioned that we’ve all missed the heck out of you? ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/27 "2000-06-30T21:34:17Z")
Ike is really D.B. Cooper. Eve is obviously Amelia Earnhart. Dennis Rodman is their love child. ---
**Author:** ![Demo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/demo/32/8472_2.png) [@Demo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/28 "2000-06-30T21:59:03Z")
Did a troll hack Satan’s password? ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/29 "2000-06-30T22:37:18Z")
Actually, Ike is the man who literally created Lyndon LaRouche out of whole cloth. L. Ron Hubbard, too. Ike created both myths, wrote fictitious histories for them, found homeless winos to incarnate them, then orchestrated their respective rise (rises?) to fame. Ike is really a **puppet** of **Castro** whose sole purpose is to **subvert** the American Way Of Life. Sorry. Starting to sound like a Fundie wacko tract there. Eve, of course, is working undercover for the CIA, and is keeping tabs on Ike’s every move. Her covert mission is to eventually bring about the collapse of various banana republics and install US-friendly dictators in their stead. It all fits. Why do you think Eve knew about Ike being gone all weekend? And why do you think she left herself? Mark my words, the news breaking on July 4th will astound you. I can’t say anymore. But it has something to do with Elian Gonzalez. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/30 "2000-06-30T22:41:14Z")
I heard Eve is a “bottle blond.” What? Oh, never mind. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/31 "2000-06-30T23:03:56Z")
i heard Uke could play the trombone with his ass. no lie. think he might of even told me himself :::ducks, runs, ---------------::: ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/32 "2000-06-30T23:10:44Z")
It was my understanding that Ike was employed as a numbers runner by Mock Duck for the Hip Sing tong, and became a ‘made’ man when he pumped 3 bullets into Nathan (Kid Dropper) Kaplan. In 1939, Fiorello La Guardia hired him as a perisphere polisher. Ike has been confined in the Matteawan asylum since 1956, following the “Mad Bomber” case. ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/33 "2000-06-30T23:24:51Z")
> [@](#): > > i heard Uke could play the trombone with his ass Damn! I heard it was the bongos - he could play the bongos with his ass! And I believed it! Eve really left early so she could get to her float for the big 4th of July parade. She’s this year’s Mid-Ohio Yam Queen. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/34 "2000-06-30T23:29:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Ike being a jerk to someone caused that person to troll us for months on end and make everyone’s lives hell. Which is not to be confused with another SDMBer going to a religiously tinged message board and posting inflammatory comments leading o reciprocation on this board. No comparisons whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/35 "2000-06-30T23:36:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > Damn! I heard it was the bongos - he could play the bongos with his ass! And I believed it! > > \*\* Nope. It’s the harp he can play with his ass. He plays the bongos with his nuts. ---
**Author:** ![whitetho](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whitetho/32/1059_2.png) [@whitetho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whitetho)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/36 "2000-06-30T23:50:20Z")
Ukulele Ike cannot actually play the ukulele – he just _pretends_ to strum it. If the rest of the band were to fall silent, they would notice that all this time he has merely been playing “air ukulele”. Eve owns the largest collection of disco records in the northeast, and used to sing backup for ABBA. She was forced to quit when Anni-Frid got jealous. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/37 "2000-07-01T02:22:11Z")
Ike was the one armed man chasing Richard Kimble. your humble TubaDiva ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/38 "2000-07-01T02:24:52Z")
And during the newspaper strike, Eve went on the radio and read the funny papers for the kiddies. You shoulda heard her do all the voices for “Mary Worth.” It was great. your humble TubaDiva ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/39 "2000-07-01T02:34:04Z")
Ike told me he was actually going to Mexico this weekend to “find Ambrose Bierce.” Eve has jumped in her '38 Packard to “chase the mad bastard down before he involves himself in things man was not meant to dabble in.” Godspeed, Eve. Save him from himself. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/40 "2000-07-01T02:56:02Z")
Sorry I came in and peed on the Cheerios earlier. I’m incredibly flattered by this thread. And for the record, seventeen of the above forty rumors about me are true. Mmmmmmmmmm…Mock Duck. As for **Eve,** I ain’t talking. Well, I’m off for a “session” with my trombone. Gotta keep up on those “embouchre exercises.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196.md?page=3)