# "Ukulele Ike Has Left the Building . . . " **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196 "2000-06-30T18:54:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/41 "2000-07-01T06:04:57Z")
Just remember: if either of you are caught or captured, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. your humble TubaDiva This post will self-destruct in 60 seconds. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/42 "2000-07-01T11:17:18Z")
Ike and Eve were the original couple who the characters of Riff Raff and Magenta from “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” were based. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/43 "2000-07-01T12:06:14Z")
Actually, Bri, I woke up this morning and realized the whole troll thing was just a bad dream. Uke shot J.R., too. Eve secretly envies Daisy Duke’s shorts. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/44 "2000-07-01T14:51:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Eve secretly envies Daisy Duke’s shorts. > \*\* SuaSponte \*publicly \* envies Daisy Duke’s shorts. “Ukulele” Ike actually plays the mandolin. Everyone’s felt too embarassed for him to correct him on the name. > [@](#): > > Sorry I came in and peed on the Cheerios earlier. I hear Ike likes to pee on Cheerios! ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/45 "2000-07-01T14:58:46Z")
It was a joke, people. Jeez… Do I _HAVE_ to use fucking smilies next time?!? :rolleyes: (Yes, that’s a smilie denoting sarcasm brought on by exasperation). ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/46 "2000-07-01T16:53:43Z")
**Satan** , don’t; I repeat _ **DO NOT** _ use smilies. I’m beggin’ ya. Let the chips fall where they may, and if nobody gets it, t’ellwiddum. ---
**Author:** ![Easy\_Tokyo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71c47a/32.png) [@Easy\_Tokyo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Easy_Tokyo)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/47 "2000-07-01T18:09:26Z")
Here’s a rumor: He’s not returning. Like all rumors, it can only be refuted by the subject. That should last you long enough. ---
**Author:** ![Catrandom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@Catrandom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catrandom)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/48 "2000-07-01T18:57:57Z")
I heard Eve was the reason both Eric Roberts and Mickey Rourke’s careers fizzled after “Pope of Greenwich Village.” Catrandom ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/49 "2000-07-01T19:14:02Z")
The guy we’ve met at various doperfests is _not_ **Ukulele Ike**. In reality, **Ukulele Ike** is an extremely intelligent but somewhat sociophobic columnist for the alternative press. **Eve** is Ed Zotti’s, uh, other personality. When “she’s” not posting here, you can find “her” in the upscale hotel bars in Chicago looking for companionship but not sharing “her” secret until the very last moment. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_In\_The\_Cape](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9a140/32.png) [@Cat\_In\_The\_Cape](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_In_The_Cape)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/50 "2000-07-01T21:49:23Z")
Is that true about eve? I thought Ed was also Cecil. How many names should I look for? Do they talk on different subjects, or what’s the deal? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2000, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/51 "2000-07-02T03:30:19Z")
Hah! I should’ve known that that **manhattan** fellow was clever enough to see through that pathetic boob I send to the Doperfests! **Cat:** No, there’s only one **Cecil Adams.** He has, however, consulted **me, Ukulele Ike,** on the relative stiffnesses of saxophone reeds. And asked for my recipe for Welsh Rabbit. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Mxyzptlk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/edb3f5/32.png) [@Mr\_Mxyzptlk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Mxyzptlk)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/52 "2000-07-05T00:33:41Z")
I thought Ukelele Ike was the Samoan word for Yanni ---
**Author:** ![Saltire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saltire/32/553_2.png) [@Saltire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saltire)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/53 "2000-07-05T02:13:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > \*\*…the euphemisms allowed to describe the hero’s hot manhood pressing against the _heroin’s_ thigh. \*\* I’m usually against pointing out typing errors, but this one’s funny. Or maybe it’s correct? What kind of stuff does Ike put in those romance novels, anyway? Are Harlequins a ‘gateway’ medium for harder drug literature? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/54 "2000-07-05T02:52:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Saltire \* > **What kind of stuff does Ike put in those romance novels, anyway?** Mail me a dollar and I’ll tell you. One tries his best to subvert from within. I noticed the typo too, and had a merry giggle over it, but **Arnold Dubya** have a Gentleman’s Agreement; he doesn’t point out mine, I don’t point out his. ---
**Author:** ![Arken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@Arken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arken)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/55 "2000-07-05T04:12:09Z")
Ike died while mixing pop rocks and coke. He also knew why pigeons bob their heads when they walk, but the secred died with him. Eve is not her real name. He real name is Eve reversed. ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/56 "2000-07-05T05:20:40Z")
**I** think that **Ukelele Ike** actually writes those **cheesy Hollywood columns** that highlight anything that might be of interest to the **readers** so that they can just skim through to the **stars** that they want to hear about. – **Tim** ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/57 "2000-07-05T06:28:20Z")
Here’s the true story of Ukulele Ike as I was told by my best friend’s (she heard it from her mother’s sister’s cousin’s grandmother’s doctor, so I know it’s true)… Ukulele Ike was a fairly above average guy until the day he received the email tiki god. He failed to pass this email on to even one friend, so he was cursed with bad luck. This luck proved to be **very** bad, though at first he thought everything was fine when he picked up that gorgeous woman at the bar that evening. Things took an ugly turn, and he woke up in a bathtub filled with ice. Fortunately, he had his cell phone on him, so he could call 9-1-1, since both his kidneys had been removed. Ike only survived this surgery because he was able to send out an email requesting everyone pray for him, and because his 1 month old nephew sang him “you are my sunshine” while he was in the hospital. However, this whole experience left Ike very bitter, so he began leaving hypodermic needles with the AIDS virus in pay telephone coin slots, and others, full of heroin, in ball pits around the country. In order to get to all these ball pits, he got jobs at McDonalds and KFC, where he fried up all sorts of things - rats, hairballs, cockroaches - and served them to unsuspecting customers. One afternoon he was so angry and the only place he had to vent this anger was at his neighbor, so he picked up the neighbor’s dog and put it in the microwave “just to see what would happen.” * * * Eve’s story is much more tragic, but we’re glad she survived that meeting with the maniac last summer…and the repairman that tried to warn her is recovering nicely. ---
**Author:** ![Navarchus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/82dd89/32.png) [@Navarchus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Navarchus)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/58 "2000-07-05T08:03:32Z")
Ike pushed Wally. Oh, c’mon. Wally would have laughed. Is laughing. Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/59 "2000-07-05T10:55:14Z")
Not funny, Navarchus. Not funny at all. Apologize, please. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2000, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196/60 "2000-07-05T13:19:57Z")
This thread actually made me laugh, even coming back to work after a four-day weekend to find piles of work in my in-box! Who’d a-thunk I’d become a Threadspotter? “Her covert mission is to eventually bring about the collapse of various banana republics and install US-friendly dictators in their stead.” –You’re close, Dave. My covert mission is actually to bring about the collapse of various Banana Republics and install Lord & Taylor’s. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ukulele-ike-has-left-the-building/24196.md?page=4)