# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/201 "2001-01-11T18:04:19Z")
Ye gods! My **Pocket Lint** is beset on all sides! The Jello Pit is swiftly dispatched by releasing the **School Lunchroom Ladies** , but **Bear** ’s dreaded Nishahara Offensive knocks me back on my heels! **Bear\_Nenno** attacks with **Green**! I counter with **Orange Plaid**! We clash violently! And then, when all seems lost, with my last ounce of strength I draw out **Barry Manilow’s Copacabana**. A desparate ploy, to be sure, but will it be enough? No! But wait! It’s **thinksnow** to the rescue with **Dueling Banjos**! A close shave! I crawl away, bloodied yet resolved to fight again… ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/202 "2001-01-11T18:09:29Z")
I was not going to do this, but I guess you’ve forced me to… **Dueling Banjos, as performed by the London Philharmonic Orchestra** was trecherous. But no where near as destructive as: **IT** Not only will **IT** revolutionize the world, cities, and life as we know it. It kicks some serious rochambo ass!!! ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/203 "2001-01-11T18:16:43Z")
I neutralize your feeble **Green** by rendering it insubstatial with **Deuteranomaly (Green-Weak Colorblindness)!** Reaching into the deepest realms of tantric one-ness, I assail you with **Teen Angst!** ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/204 "2001-01-11T18:24:02Z")
Zounds!! Simultaneous attacks by **Orange plaid** and **Teen Angst**!! Only one thing can hope to stop such underhanded threats… **Victorian Society**!!! shielded by the might of my Victorian Society, I am free to play my trump card… **Kimchee** … can any possibly stand up to such hot, garlicky goodness? ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/205 "2001-01-11T18:27:36Z")
The sinking dread in my heart when faced with **IT** reminds me of the day my training brother, Runs-With-Scissors, fell before the might of the legendary Rochamboka Otto Titzling and his infamous **Difficult-to-Remove Brassiere** assault. _What can possibly defeat **IT?** _ My mind, trained to near perfect concentration by years of fasting and watching daytime television, searches for the answer in the milliseconds remaining to me. At last I am rewarded with a vision of the Buddah, who instructs me to strike to the heart of the matter in response. Many onlookers faint or clutch their chests in shock when I unleash the legendary **Monkeys Flying Out of My Butt!!!** ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/206 "2001-01-11T18:39:16Z")
**Monkeys Flying Out of My Butt!!!** , huh? Well, let’s see how well those do when you hear **the sound of trickling water when you really need to pee**. Face it, you’re done. [sub]Don’t even try to combat this, I’m saving the best for last, baby, and I’d hate to have to use it.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/207 "2001-01-11T18:56:36Z")
Backoff!!! You want to play rough?? Take this: **A CareBear Stare** ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/208 "2001-01-11T19:05:15Z")
A triumph indeed, you may kneel before me as I pruduce: **The Straight Dope Rosetta Stone.** Carved into the dark, powerful rock are threads that, when deciphered, will make the skies part and birds sing. _Leftmost_ is [How to kill evil Nazi Groundhogs](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=15906). _Centered_ is the (in-)famous [Guy Stuff](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=18972). And, _to the right_, you’ll be faced with as yet incomplete [Threadkillers 2001!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=53434). Fear not, I’ll give you a primer: [Goat Porn](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33909). Should you require further assistance, check [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24960), [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=30135), [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=24442), or [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=7224). I’d suggest you get to work. Loser. ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/209 "2001-01-11T19:45:54Z")
And cykrider rides in to save the day! “Here Bear\_Nenno, take this! [hands him 3 pills.] It’s called Zoloft, watch I’ll down 5 with this bottle Bacardi, yumm!” Nothing will bother us now! In fact I’ll counter with a **massive radioactive** …ah screw it, nevermind, I could actually careless. zoloft, now thats good stuff 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/210 "2001-01-11T19:52:04Z")
Truly **The Straight Dope Rosetta Stone** seems an unassailable throw from a master Rochamboka. But the spirit is never darkened, so long as hope survives. Therefore, with all of the power of the Three Mystic Masters of Manchuria, I batter you with concepts that even the **SDRS** cannot cogitate: **Parking on the Driveway but Driving on the Parkway!** **The Time at Which a Building Becomes a Built!** **Milk Coming out of Laughing Cows’ Noses!** And, most devastating of all: **Piss Shiver!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/211 "2001-01-11T19:56:39Z")
Ahhhh nooo… Getting… …weak… can’t… move… Must use… this… an [**IAO**](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/miao.html) ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/212 "2001-01-11T19:59:09Z")
Like John McEnroe (sp?) contesting a line call, I stand in disbelief… The Rosetta Stone…not strong enough? How…can…it…BE?! \ ---
**Author:** ![foxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@foxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foxfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/213 "2001-01-11T20:28:42Z")
An attack Like **The Rosetta Stone of SDMB** is a very hard thing to defeat… How about a three prong counter: \*\*Jesus Vs. The IPU ISD VS. The Starship Enterprise The SIMS- Anti-Homosexual? \*\* (sorry, no time to find the links…) And I attack with **‘Several Species of Small, furry animals in a cave and grooving with a Pict’, by Pink Floyd** ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/214 "2001-01-11T20:51:07Z")
**’Several Species of Small, furry animals in a cave and grooving with a Pict’, by Pink Floyd** is entirely disrupted by **A Confetti-Like Cloud of Timothy Leary Portrait-Emblazoned Blotter Acid!!!** _Paper wraps Rock. In this case, classic rock._ ---
**Author:** ![TKD2DAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TKD2DAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TKD2DAN)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/215 "2001-01-11T21:12:36Z")
As I reenter the ring, I witness the carnage all around me. In an attempt to draw attention away from myself I quickly toss out ZIGFREID AND ROY’S LAS VAGAS STAGE SHOW. While I realize that nothing really happens, it least it looks like something does. As you all stop and stare, a communal “AAAAHHHHHHHH” coming from your mouths, I attack with CAPTAIN KAGAROO. That should regress you all to a child like state long enough for me to plot the next attack. ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/216 "2001-01-11T22:00:47Z")
**CAPTAIN KAGAROO** is no match for **H.R. Pufinstuff!** And I return your attack with a craftily crafted **Hong Kong Phooey!!!** Sing it now! _Hong Kong Phooey, number one super guy. Hong Kong Phooey, quicker than the human eye. He’s got style, a groovy style, and a car that just won’t stop. When the going gets rough, he’s super tough, with a Hong Kong Phooey chop!_ ---
**Author:** ![TKD2DAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TKD2DAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TKD2DAN)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/217 "2001-01-11T22:26:57Z")
OH Scupper, that really hurt. The Pufenstuff to my Kangaroo, followed by the Phooey. Man that was devastating. But I am not out of it yet, scrambling quickly behind a column to avoid most of the fall out, I deploy Tribbles from the origial Star Trek series, followed quickly by “PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE”! Take That you devious fiend. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/218 "2001-01-11T22:28:04Z")
\ **Hong Kong Phooey** is no match for a **1978 Trans Am with a re-built 400 and a Hurst shifter**. My attack, however, will be conducted using **the Tao of Pooh**. ---
**Author:** ![ElusiveMiser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@ElusiveMiser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElusiveMiser)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/219 "2001-01-11T22:36:10Z")
**the Tao of Pooh, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, and Tribbles** are soon outbumbered and sorely defeated by my **Indefatigable Kids That Don’t Give The Rabbit Trix Cereal.** And for my attack, I ::ergh, strain:: lug out my **Super Grande Economy-Size Bottle of WD-40!** ---
**Author:** ![TKD2DAN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TKD2DAN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TKD2DAN)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/220 "2001-01-11T22:58:40Z")
Well, now I’ll…what the!!!..what is that???..OH MAN, I think I just stepped in some POOH. All over my boots, geez. Someone is going to pay for that. Now, on to battle. I am quick to deflect the WD-40 with it’s own long known enemy “DUCT TAPE”. Then I launch the classic “KEYSTONE COPS PIE FIGHT SCEEN”! Now if you will excuse me for a moment, I have to go scrap this POOH off of my boots. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=12)