# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/221 "2001-01-11T23:35:36Z")
I laugh at your **KEYSTONE COPS PIE FIGHT SCENE** , but then realize to my horror, _That is exactly what he wants me to do!_ Shaking off my momentary amusement, I thrash you with **An Esperanto Edition of Tolstoy’s _War and Peace!!!_** _Paper wraps [key]stone._ ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2001, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/222 "2001-01-11T23:42:14Z")
_Scissors cut paper, so cut to the chase… submit your posts quickly and you’ll be an ace…_ Even the **Esperanto Edition of Tolstoy’s _War and Peace_** doesn’t stand a chance against **The Pen of Ambrose Bierce**!!! Yes, the pen is indeed mightier than the sword… muahahaha ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/223 "2001-01-12T01:11:18Z")
Ha! With **The Pen of Ambrose Bierce** , **Le Sang** employs a clever, little-used maneuver that, to the unitiated, would surely spell paralysis, or even death, but to a Master of Rochamboku, it is easily countered with a[**Mexican Standoff at High Noon**](http://styx.ios.com/~damone/gbierce.html). And to keep you heathens off balance, I go on the offensive with the **Kobiyashi Maru Starship Simulation (“There is no correct solution.”)**. Unless you are James T. Kirk, you will surely fail!! Hahahahahahahahahah!!! PS: jr8, I’m honored that you would co-opt my description of you in your sig. You still deserve a noogy. PPS: don’t you people work?!! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/224 "2001-01-12T01:23:48Z")
Your **Kobiyashi Maru Starship Simulation ("There is no correct solution)** is weak, when faced with… **work** ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/225 "2001-01-12T04:03:10Z")
I’ll space out during your \*\*work[\b] and then I’ll enroll you in: \*\*Organic Chemistry…WITH LAB![\B] and your professor is from Bolivia and knows every term in the textbook and the phrase “You fail!” (You must pass or you don’t have a future either!) ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/226 "2001-01-12T04:05:29Z")
And while I’m at it I’ll go write “I will always hit preview.” 100 times on the blackboard. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/227 "2001-01-12T04:20:13Z")
Pffft! **O-Chem** , puh-leez! I combat that with **Dynamics, Probability & Stats, Thermo, and Design of Experiments (DOE)**. Rounding, I present you with a: **Rubik’s Snake**. If you dare… ---
**Author:** ![LazarusLong42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/87869e/32.png) [@LazarusLong42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LazarusLong42)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/228 "2001-01-12T05:56:45Z")
\*Ah yes. The infamous Rubik’s Snake maneuver. A cleverly crafted mystery intended to confound the opponent. Unfortunately for you, your opponent knows how to work the Snake.\* The **Rubik’s Snake** is turned easily into the **Rhombic Dodecahedron of Exactly Twice the Volume as the Cube That Can Be Made With the Snake**. And I attack with **Tchaikovsky’s First Piano Concerto**. Take that! LL ---
**Author:** ![peepthis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9d8465/32.png) [@peepthis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peepthis)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/229 "2001-01-12T07:39:37Z")
If my memory serves me, I had told myself I was through with the Rochambo circuit two score and three years ago, after the tragic Esoterica Tag Team stung me with an aftertaste of **Early Mesopotamian Toilet Technology** and **Claude DeBussy’s birth home** for years hence. My pinky toenail never did grow back. From ringside, however, I can remain silent no longer. The fiend has dared to show his face again…I toss aside my sackcloth and step forward, shattering **Tchaikovsky’s First Piano Concerto** into delectable bite-size morsels when faced with a **Wesley Willis concert, complete with audience headbutt!** The sumo-slam of this 350-lb. homeless scizophrenic keyboard musician is not to be taken lightly! Huzzah! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/230 "2001-01-12T10:06:24Z")
Not so fast! Your **Wesley Willis concert, complete with audience headbutt** attack is rendered harmless by locking it in a **John Cage** , which I just happened to have handy. **thinksnow** has escalated the conflict by bringing out the **Straight Dope Rosetta Stone** and so I’ll have to start using the big guns now. Prepare to face the awesome wrath of: **the U.S. Electoral College**! Lock and load, baby. ---
**Author:** ![EFBailey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ccd318/32.png) [@EFBailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EFBailey)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/231 "2001-01-12T11:22:19Z")
Bailey attacks the atavistic \*\*Electoral College \*\*with the voter-resentment fallout from an aggreviating **Disputed Election**. She scoffs at your use of the “futurist”\*\* John Cage \*\* and confronts him with a generous dose of \*\* Humility\*\*, which infects him and renders him unable to produce pretentious, conceptual music, thereby rendering him powerless. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/232 "2001-01-12T11:58:56Z")
Pshaw – everyone knows that the **U.S. Electoral College** turns a deaf ear to voter resentment, and the mewlings and pukings from your **Disputed Election** are no exception. Your attack is blown away in a cloud of chads. You’ll have to try harder than that! Nyahahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/233 "2001-01-12T12:19:46Z")
:: Eutychus enters the fray and thinks to himself “Buncha pikers…” :: But since the **Rosetta Stone of the SDMB** has been unleashed, I have no other choice to unleash nuclear weaponry… **There are three words that begin with GRY…** Now don’t make me unleash the Tilde … ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/234 "2001-01-12T12:49:04Z")
Wow…I never thought I’d live to see the **GRY** Gambit being played… You play hardball, **Eutychus55**. I’m left with no choice but to open an **Industrial Size Can of Whoopass** upside your head. _En garde_! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/235 "2001-01-12T13:13:16Z")
Wait a minute… “There are three words that **begin** with GRY”??? I wasted a perfectly good can of **whoopass** on that? Try _gryllid, grylloblattid, grysbok_ and, of course, _gryphon_. And from a _moderator_, no less. Sheesh. P.S. to **Busta** : Work is what I do in the breaks from posting here. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/236 "2001-01-12T14:49:17Z")
Neither attacking nor countering, just commenting on the very well parried manuver by **jr8**. Good job. **Euty** … \ …words fail me. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/237 "2001-01-12T16:11:17Z")
I flatten jr8’s \*\* Can of Whoopass \*\* with **Camryn Manheim Steamroller**. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/238 "2001-01-12T17:25:56Z")
Well, it’s a good thing I recycle, then. \ I can’t go home leaving your **Camryn Manheim Steamroller** unchallenged… [sub]Hmmm…isn’t Mannheim Steamroller some sort of soft rock music? Paper covers rock…aha![/sub] All righty then! Eat **Severe IRS Audit** , infidel! And let me just say that it’s a good thing you didn’t try to _attack_ with the **fat chicks** – I always keep a spring-loaded **Frank Perdue** up my sleeve for just such an occasion. ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/239 "2001-01-12T17:36:48Z")
So, the battle is joined and we have new victims, er combatants, added to the fray. As Imelda Marcos walking into the shoe department at Nordstrom would say, “We have a target-rich environment!” And in the vein of the Grand Wizard…Tim???, I quash the **Severe IRS Audit** with **Government Downsizing** , and counter with the ultimate assault and pelt you all with a **barrage of Bubblegum Pop from Japan, laced with subliminal biting sarcasm, and a smidgen of Mad Cows Disease**. This lethal combination is often imitated, but never successfully executed…until now. ---
**Author:** ![peepthis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9d8465/32.png) [@peepthis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peepthis)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2001, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/240 "2001-01-12T17:44:47Z")
The best offense is a good defense, is all I could hear whisper through my ears as the **mad cow gumballs** rolled across the ring. I counter your well-aimed **gumball** assault with a **throng of rabid vegans** , who would never step near any gum-based product manufactured with gelatin at the cost of so many hogs’ bellies! The vegan rope-a-dope tires your bullish ballbearings to dust! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=13)