# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/281 "2001-01-14T00:01:44Z")
I didn’t want it to come to this, but… Throws in a **mighty lobster and magnet!** You cannot harm the lobster, he’ll use his magnet to escape! ---
**Author:** ![supersaiyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@supersaiyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supersaiyan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/282 "2001-01-14T00:02:51Z")
Well…we all know what beats **Rock** … I attack with…(suspense)… **PAPER** ---
**Author:** ![SuperNova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SuperNova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuperNova)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/283 "2001-01-14T00:25:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by supersaiyan \* > \*\*Well…we all know what beats **Rock** … > I attack with…(suspense)… **PAPER** \*\* Hell, this is easy. I’ll just go with scissors. Nah, that’s not to creative. Paper will fall easily to my IT, Ginger. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/284 "2001-01-14T00:32:04Z")
IT? There’s only one thing that can beat IT, the same thing that has destroyed all the IT majors here, **An EMAC Major!** His mighty knowledge of webpages and graphic design will crush your puny, outdated IT! ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/285 "2001-01-14T02:00:15Z")
Haha! An Emac major’s skills are worthless when self-coding HTML templates and programs such as Dreamweaver and Ultadev are in the market. And just for kicks, I’ll send in the \*\*Olsen Twins upon you! ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/286 "2001-01-14T02:01:17Z")
\*hmm… I see that bouv is using the ancient strategy of hitting large scissors with an even bigger rock… perhaps he has forgotten that even a scrap of paper still defeats a boulder…\* I easily defeat your **EMAC Major** with my **Script to Monty Python and the Holy Grail** … none dare resist its awesome power… ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/287 "2001-01-14T02:58:27Z")
Your **Script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail** is handily tortured into submission with a comfy chair by **The Spanish Inquisition** (nobody expected _that_, did they?) Meanwhile, I send in a **96-hour marathon of “The Gary Coleman Show”** on Cartoon Network. _Do your worst._ ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/288 "2001-01-14T03:46:16Z")
Having thoroughly reviewed the video tapes of this gruesome battle, I see that **The Fear, Surprise, and Ruthless Efficiency of the Spanish Inquisition** is unavailable, according to **jr8** , therefore I will instead lock your **Script of Monty Python and the Holy Grail** in a **small broom closet inhabited by Jesse Helms, Jesse Jackson, and Jesse Ventura**. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/289 "2001-01-14T08:35:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*drewbert \* > **small broom closet inhabited by Jesse Helms, Jesse Jackson, and Jesse Ventura** Easily defeated with a phone call to Lyndon Larouche. I’ll test your might with **#striaghtdope** ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/290 "2001-01-14T14:54:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*drewbert \* > **small broom closet inhabited by Jesse Helms, Jesse Jackson, and Jesse Ventura** Still resting at the moment, but I just thought I’d pop in to say that I’d pay good money to see the above scenario… P.S. to **magdalene** : I don’t carry a wallet, and even when I did I never carried a condom in it. So **pbthbtbhtbht**!😉 ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/291 "2001-01-14T17:44:57Z")
**#straightdope** is crushed before the verbal masturbation that is **The McLaughlin Group**. I believe my **Magic 8 Ball** is still unchallenged. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/292 "2001-01-14T19:14:48Z")
Ha, and you thought I was dead! Well, I am! ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/293 "2001-01-14T19:21:57Z")
I shall crush your puny **magic 8 ball** with… \*\*Schlöshd alcohol! \*\*(one drink, YOUR DRUNK!) ---
**Author:** ![EFBailey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ccd318/32.png) [@EFBailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EFBailey)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/294 "2001-01-14T22:10:36Z")
Bailey defeats **Schlöshd alcohol** with an annoying horde of \*\* self-righteous straight-edge teenagers\*\*. Future attackers please note that these teens have _immunity_ to any attacks involving **sex** , **drugs** , **alcohol** , **meat** , or anything otherwise **fun** due to their incredible, almost super-human **ability to engage in self-depriation in order to keep themselves at the center of attention** in conjunction with a \*\* strong desire for a sense of belonging\*\* and a generous dose of good old-fashioned **arrogance**. Watch out, you philistines! ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/295 "2001-01-14T22:21:16Z")
**self-righteous straight-edge teenagers** , eh? Well… the only solution to scissors is a rock… I bring you… **the asteroid from Armageddon** arrogant or no, those kids are gonna be squished. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/296 "2001-01-14T23:31:27Z")
I crush your **asteroid from Armageddon** with **the dubious thespianic talents of Bruce Willis**. The aforementioned alcohol could easily have been consumed by **Boris Yeltsin**. Allow me to bring you all to your knees with **Monica Lewinsky**. Get in line, boys. ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/297 "2001-01-15T00:04:27Z")
The **Monica Lewinsky** offense is easily countered with a simple household utensil: put a **fork** in her, because her 15 minutes are over, baby! And now everyone can bow down to **Busta Rib’s** mastery and supremacy in the Rochambo Arena. The crowd skips a beat, the arena is hushed, and even **Scupper** must give pause on his assault as I unleash… **Hip-hop Haute Couture** as charactized by grossly baggy pants hanging half-way down the ass, underwear proudly displayed for all, sickenly expensive athletic footwear (insert famous brand name here), baseball cap (worn slightly askew), down jacket in 80-degree weather, and accessorized with gaudy gold jewelry and the ubiquitous Motorola pager!! Yes, overkill, but like 1-week old Chinese food gone bad, you people refuse to stay down. It is pointless to continue this battle, my worthy combatants, as you all must surely be reeling from extreme laughter at the ridiculousness of this contemporary statement of high fashion. I am ready to accept my belt and title as **Rochambo Prime**. [Busta and his entourage celebrate as **“Who Let the Dogs Out??!!!”** blairs in the background.] ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/298 "2001-01-15T01:00:20Z")
Busta, your **hip-hop fashion** is put to shame by **1980’s Garden Rake Hair aka The Claw** and **Spiral Perms**. Get ready for **The Dukes of Hazzard**. And don’t make me get all **Oprah** on your asses. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/299 "2001-01-15T05:21:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*magdalene \* > \*\*Get ready for **The Dukes of Hazzard**. And don’t make me get all **Oprah** on your asses. \*\* The **Dukes** were defeated before they ever stepped to the ring by their cousins. **Oprah** , though popular and respected, is doomed by association. Geraldos’ empty tomb/vault fiasco and Springers empty airings smack of idiocy in the highest order. As such, I thrust you into **a single-wide with duel satellite hook-ups so they can watch Springer _and_ WWF at the same time.** ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/300 "2001-01-15T05:39:53Z")
A \*\* single-wide with duel satellite hook-ups so they can watch Springer _and_ WWF at the same time.\*\* I see your trailer, and I raise you one **tornado**. And you don’t want to mess around with **R2-D2**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=16)