# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/301 "2001-01-15T05:56:41Z")
Forget about getting Oprah on your asses. As Forrest Gump in Pulp Fiction would say (courtesy of Mad TV), “Ah’m gonna get medieval on your butt-tocks!!” To wit, **R2-D2** is stymied with…a **flight of stairs**. And like a grenade lobbed into a bull ring, I give you **Martha Stewart** , backed by her corporate empire, **Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc.®** , which is tantamount to nuclear warfare, my friends. I’m sorry, but **magdalene’s** play of **Oprah** forced my hand to counter with unrestrained and sheer brute force. Please forgive me, Mother. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/302 "2001-01-15T06:06:44Z")
**Martha Stuart** is simply no match for **the college freshmen dorm room** (with a back-up of **a Fraternity House after a party** ) For my next trick, \*\* the sneeze that just won’t come\*\* should put you in your place. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/303 "2001-01-15T06:25:33Z")
\ Good God! In death, Martha Stewart turned herself into a tasteful centerpiece! I parry your **sneeze which will not come out** with a **well-placed tickle attack** and counter with **Star Trek male slash Fanfiction**! Oh, the horror… ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/304 "2001-01-15T09:16:59Z")
andygirl, the comment about Martha Stewart was priceless. However, I cannot allow such witticisms to sway my determination… I am forced to shred your **Star Trek male slash Fanfiction** with **the Jaws of Defeat**!! Indeed, the very jaws out of which I am even now snatching a hope of eventual victory! Le Sang is not yet defeated… muahahahaha… or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/305 "2001-01-15T09:48:24Z")
A mere trifle. I gum up the **Jaws of Defeat** with a **Cinema-Sized Box of Jujubes** , and return with an equally sticky attack of **Yellow Marshmallow Peeps**. Floss will avail you naught! ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/306 "2001-01-15T19:27:00Z")
Aghast at the crime against nature that is **Yellow Marshmallow Peeps** , I am forced to lower myself to your level and unleash **Pink Sno-Balls!!!** After harmonizing my bodily energies with the natural vibrations of the universe through transcendental mediation, I am able to flay anyone in the ring with **A Crack Team of Church of Scientology Lawyers!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/307 "2001-01-15T22:03:23Z")
To neutralize any attorney, be it a **Crack Team of Church of Scientology Lawyers** or otherwise, I only have two words for you: _ **pro bono** _. **Scupper** , I too have studied the way of the mind and after 24 hours of continuous meditation, fasting, and enduring leg cramps to cripple an elephant, I have centered my Chi, and am now ready to impose my Will on the combatants of Ultimate Rochambo with…a **Hong Kong Martial Arts Film** , complete with unsynchronized voice dubbing, over-choreographed fight scenes, a long, grey-haired arch-villain with beady eyes, and melodramatic dialog and music!!! I hope you all are wearing knee pads as your legs give and you crumple to the floor begging for mercy at the sheer force of my attack!! Oh, the humanity!!! ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/308 "2001-01-16T01:49:56Z")
**Hong Kong Martial Arts Film** trembles before the technological terror of **The Death Star!** ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/309 "2001-01-16T02:12:10Z")
**The Death Star** is defeated by \*\*A roll of Bounty[sup]TM[/sup] Paper Towels wrapped around it by **Ewoks**. While you all run screaming from the saccharine cuteness of the **Ewoks** , you are pursued to your doom by a **Flock of Seagulls** and **Jonathan Livingston Seagull**. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/310 "2001-01-16T02:38:05Z")
A roll of **Tums and a handfull of rice** dipatch the **seaguls** with ease. Tremble before the terror that is **a cat on the keyboard**. The is no defense, there is no guarding or shielding. Mwuuaaahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/311 "2001-01-16T03:06:55Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by thinksnow \* > Tremble before the terror that is **a cat on the keyboard**. The is no defense, there is no guarding or shielding._\* **A recent hard drive backup and an aerosol water bottle with a few drops of Tobasco mixed in** saves the day! Meanwhile, the **96-hour “Gary Coleman Show” marathon** remains undefeated. And I’ll also send in **your first-year Calculus textbook answer key with most of the problems solved incorrectly and missing most of the important steps**. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/312 "2001-01-16T03:22:37Z")
Your **96-hour “Gary Coleman Show” marathon** is easily thwarted by my **clueless guy with a Betamax**! MBWAHAHA! The tapes are eaten messily! I counter **your first-year Calculus textbook answer key with most of the problems solved incorrectly and missing most of the important steps** with a **lonely MIT-bound genius who will do anything for a pretty girl**! I attack with **an unending supply of Q-tips!** Fall before the Q-tip-gasm! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/313 "2001-01-16T04:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*andygirl \* > \*\*I attack with **an unending supply of Q-tips!** Fall before the Q-tip-gasm! \*\* Well versed in the art of the [Q-tip orgasm](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=35703), I can thwart you with… **sub-standard, knock-off “q-tips”**. What are you gonna do when you are faced with **not flirting on the SDMB**? ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/314 "2001-01-16T04:30:30Z")
I’m going to take refuge in my **real-life girlfriend**. you? ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/315 "2001-01-16T04:32:17Z")
Oh, and I attack with **the lengthy, in-depth discussion of menopausal females re: their hot flashes** ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/316 "2001-01-16T04:44:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*andygirl \* > \*\*I’m going to take refuge in my **real-life girlfriend**. you? \*\* Oh now goddamn, that’s just cruel… Your paltry attack of **[a] lengthy, in-depth discussion of menopausal females re: their hot flashes** however is easily put aside by **a concerned sons initiation of self-same conversation with his mother**. No worries here though, because \ **you’ve got [pinworms](http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mpinworm.html)**. ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/317 "2001-01-16T05:09:03Z")
Gross. Everybody, wash your hands!! ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/318 "2001-01-16T05:59:00Z")
Well, I’m a dirty fighter. [sub]apologies, though. [/sub] I counter your pinworms with a **molasses enema and a good dose of antibiotics.** I attack you with **a green carabiner and scent-free detergent!** ---
**Author:** ![CreaseMunky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@CreaseMunky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CreaseMunky)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/319 "2001-01-16T10:22:28Z")
:::Crease sits in his skybox, sipping some 18 year old MacAllan’s, watching the devastating carnage below. “I am not worthy to join, I would be smashed to pulp in mere seconds,” he thinks to himself. "Yet, I wonder… “In the days, no, _months_ of battle, in the **Rochambo Arena** , why has _no one_ gone over to the very, _very BLACK CORNER_ and gotten, wearing very, _very BLACK TRUNKS_… **THE KING OF ALL THAT IS EVIL!!!**?” Crease thinks the first combatant to unleash that ultimate horror will earn his vote as the victor::: ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/320 "2001-01-16T10:31:35Z")
Presumably because the **scent-free detergent** would make his black trunks **whiter than white**. Using **Pink Sno-Balls** to counter **Yellow Marshmallow Peeps** , Scupper? Isn’t that like countering stone with stone? Hmph. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=17)