# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![CreaseMunky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@CreaseMunky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CreaseMunky)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/321 "2001-01-16T10:45:16Z")
:::shakes his head, saddened. He really thought **jr8** might know the secret of the weapon in the very, _very BLACK CORNER_ wearing _very, very BLACK TRUNKS_::: ---
**Author:** ![CreaseMunky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@CreaseMunky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CreaseMunky)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/322 "2001-01-16T11:24:28Z")
:::and before I spawn a flock of Church Lady Wannabes, the “weapon” is _not_ Satan\*::: - This is not to imply SDMB poster “Satan” is unworthy of battle in the Rochambo Arena… I don’t know, I’ve never met her. But for all intents and purposes, “Satan” in any context in this case is not what my whisky addled mind was thinking of. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/323 "2001-01-16T14:07:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*CreaseMunky \* > \*\*\* This is not to imply SDMB poster “Satan” …\… I don’t know, I’ve never met **her**. \*\* (Emphasis mine) Uh, although it could be strongly argued that most devils are, in fact, women, **Satan** [sub]the Doper[/sub], is definitely a guy. Ask **Drain Bead**. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/324 "2001-01-16T14:33:18Z")
Attacks from all sides! I leap into action, promptly bashing my knees on the underside of my desk. Wincing, I sit down again and type quietly. The **scent-free detergent** is easily countered by a **ten-gallon drum of Drakkar Noir**. Breathe it and weep! A **green carabiner** is a different kettle of fish altogether…hmmm…aha! I counter by adding **the letter “o”** , making it a **green carabinero** (in other words, a seasick Filipino coast guard official), thus rendering it harmless. **CreaseMunky** ’s **obscure reference** , were it to be played, would be easily blocked by my **Shield of Supreme Indifference**. And now, to be offensive…I mean, to take offense…no, no…to _attack_…I’m sending you…**a case of the heebie-jeebies (C.O.D.)**! Handle with care… ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/325 "2001-01-16T15:25:41Z")
_Le Sang limps back into the arena after last night’s internet outage robbed him of any chance to defend himself. As he looks around, he thinks he’s seen prettier things on the bottom of his shoe. This is NOT going to be a good day…_ While your **case of the heebie-jeebies (C.O.D.)** is a formidible attack, the defensive **Coma** into which I’ve slipped will stop it nicely… and in the meantime, let’s see you fend off **the Dred ISP from Heck (also known as Pitt)**… I couldn’t stop that evil… and I’m fairly sure that none of you ever will. HAHAHA _ominous music plays following Le Sang’s latest maneuver_ ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/326 "2001-01-16T16:11:09Z")
[**The Dred ISP from Heck (also known as Pitt)** is mertilized by [p]Chinese Info-Terrorists!\*\* And while I’m at it, I’ll scrape the remainder of the not-quite-eliminated **Yellow Marshmallow Peeps** off my boots with **A Moist Towelette!** _[sub]Paper wraps stone?[/sub]_ And for my next assault: **Fire Ants!** ---
**Author:** ![La\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@La\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_King)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/327 "2001-01-16T16:32:59Z")
Fire ants? I \*\*spit[/] on your fire ants! Spit puts out fire. Plus, it’s insulting! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/328 "2001-01-16T16:35:11Z")
Armed with my trustworthy Swiss army pocket knife, I extend the **magnifying glass** and give a whole new meaning to the word “fire ants.” And I’ll take that **moist towelette** and use it to wipe my brow as I bestow the comical stylings of **Carrot-Top**. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/329 "2001-01-16T16:54:47Z")
\*\*Carrot-Top \*\* is defeated by my **Gillette Sensor Razor (the best a man can get)**. Shorn like **Samson** , he runs mad into the wilderness, never to return. I attack with **Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance**. You all freeze as you ponder the koans "What is the sound of one hand clapping? Should I get ‘Property of the Hell’s Angels’ tattooed on my ass? ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/330 "2001-01-16T17:19:34Z")
I counter your Zen paradox by **hitting my fingers against the palm of my same hand, making a neat fwit-fwit sound.** Then, for good measure and balance, I **extend my hand against the air.** I counter with a supply of **Wawa French Vanilla pseudo-cappuccino!** Take that, puny ones! ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/331 "2001-01-16T18:24:46Z")
**Juan Valdez** magically transforms your **pseudo-cappucino** into rich, dark, Colombian coffee. Black. 1 tsp. sugar. **The Soundtrack to The Mission** plays in the background. I neutralize **andygirl** by scattering **10,000,000 Altoids** into the arena. She can’t rest until she picks all of them up and eats them, falling into a pepperminty coma. I crush her with **Dr. Laura**. Face it andygirl, you’re FINISHED! Now for my brethren-in-arms, what sayest you to [The Tardis](http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/doctorwho/tardis/index.shtml)? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/332 "2001-01-16T21:43:01Z")
Please! 10,000,000 Altoids can’t withstand the huge sucking power of **Monica Lewinsky**. That girl can sweep them up faster than a nuclear powered Hoover. Monica herself has a nasty trick up her sleeve. Litterally. Yes, folks. It’s the dreaded **bra that will just not unhook no matter how much you mess with it** SHAZAAM! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/333 "2001-01-16T21:58:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Enderw24 \* > **bra that will just not unhook no matter how much you mess with it**! \*\* You’re kidding right? No? Okay, then… **scissors** cut bra. For that, I challenge you to: **listen to your music with headphones with only one working earpiece.** Ha! HAha! Hahhahahahahahah! \ ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/334 "2001-01-16T22:24:07Z")
**Enderw** , I already wielded **Lewinsky**. I’d have to check my Rochambo handbook, but repeats are a no-no, right? You lose. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/335 "2001-01-16T22:29:00Z")
I’m kicking Monica to the curb. These altoids are **MINE! ALL MINE!** \ With that, I concede. ---
**Author:** ![CreaseMunky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@CreaseMunky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CreaseMunky)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/336 "2001-01-16T22:36:48Z")
\>\>Uh, although it could be strongly argued that most devils are, in fact, women, Satan the Doper, is definitely a guy. Ask Drain Bead.\<\< Yanno, I knew that. Brain going in 1 direction, hands going in another. Apologies all around. Note to self–in the future, do not attepmt humor at 5:30am. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/337 "2001-01-16T22:44:11Z")
What the? Huh? I wha? I don’t lose! I quit! :mumble mumble: Fine then. Andygirl quit at the same time I did. We both go back to my place where I pull out **The Penis that turns lesbians straight** ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/338 "2001-01-16T23:44:52Z")
**The Penis that turns lesbians straight** is rendered limp by a **Paternity Suit!** [sub]Paper wraps hard-as-a-rock penis.[/sub] Beware my cruel and unusual attack of **Naugahyde!!!** ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/339 "2001-01-17T00:37:09Z")
Noo!!! Not **Naugahyde**! That is practically a banned substance in the Arena due to its destructive nature. A mighty blow has been delivered by **Scupper** , and I must pause to recuperate, as if I was kicked in the Family Jewels!! One low blow deserves another. So I retaliate in kind with **Non-alcoholic Beer**!!! All the great taste, without the alcohol?! What’s up with that? A true universal conundrum, my fellow combatants. ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/340 "2001-01-17T01:03:17Z")
I’ll go ahead and pour a 40 of your **Non-alcohoic beer** and give props to all the Dopers that we’ve lost in battle. As for you Busta Rib, you must endure **the alarm clock that wakes you up at 4:17am and the snooze doesn’t work and neither does the volume because it was made in some poor slave labor camp by a little six year old. And it only gets polka music and the all static channel.** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=18)