# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/21 "2000-11-03T19:46:46Z")
With a terrifying war scream akin to that of a rabid banshee, I swoop in to quash all your existential weapons with …
**Oatmeal**!!
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### Author:  [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/22 "2000-11-03T19:54:41Z")
And I, in my infinite wisdom, use your own oatmeal against you in…
an avacado oatmeal facial scrub.
Exfoliate that!
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### Author:  [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/23 "2000-11-03T19:57:27Z")
As I snicker at your pathetic attempts I summon my \*\* Pathetic pack of paparatzi \*\* to photograph my \*\* rabid wombat of lust\*\* gnawing your feet off. After a mild snack of **oatmeal**
Headlines tomorrow \*\* defeat of PAC-MAN ghost de-feeted in a vat of digested oatmeal\*\*
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### Author:  [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/24 "2000-11-03T20:11:59Z")
**I peel off the oatmeal facial scrub** to reveal…
the horrible visage of \*\* Ross Perot[/b}
gaze upon greatness!
Because if you look right here you will see on these charts that the **giant sucking sound** is coming from none other than Mr Cynical and his twisty straw over by the goat pen! Ewwwwwww!
can you top a **Goat feltching Mr Cynical!**
I thought not!
Disclaimer: comment about Mr C is ment as a joke and to be taken in such a manner. under no circumstances has Mr C been caught on film doing any such act. (unless of course his hush money check bounces).
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### Author:  [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/25 "2000-11-03T20:33:16Z")
The fictionalized representation of Mr. Cynical and his straw will be of no use to you if the object of his lust is removed, so accordingly, I will **get your goat!**
I then will cause it to screech and run out of the arena by whispering _“cabrito refrito”_ in its ear.
Now you are at the mercy of my **multiple-speed-playback mini-casette recorder,** emitting the distorted banshee wail of the latest Faith Hill song at 1.5 times normal speed!
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### Author:  [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/26 "2000-11-03T20:36:45Z")
ah but that is no match for my Boom box blareing out **Richard Simons sings all the Neil Dimond classics**
Beware “Cracklin Rosie” is getting on board!
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### Author:  [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/27 "2000-11-03T20:42:01Z")
Arrrrgh!
Flayed skin and bleeding sores! Glowing skin and empty pores!!
Fine. Two can play the “Touchably Soft Skin” game!
Dare you face my **Mildy Malodramatic but Mostly Mean-Spirited Mud Monster**!?
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### Author:  [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)
#### Post date: [November 3, 2000, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/28 "2000-11-03T20:51:03Z")
Mud monster blah… he is all dried you and will crumble at at touch when I zap him with my **Uber unique ultimate UV sun bed**
all your hope are now dust in the wind.
pity. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Dark\_Lord\_Davidson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Lord_Davidson)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/29 "2000-11-04T00:32:13Z")
Your **Uber unique ultimate UV sun bed** is powerless against my pasty complexion!
I counter with a **Glass of Boiling Mountain Dew**!
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### Author:  [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/30 "2000-11-04T02:13:02Z")
I drink your Delicious Dew, and whip out my own…
**Collection of Grainy, poorly edited 70’s Porn!**
That should stop you!!
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### Author:  [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/31 "2000-11-04T03:10:32Z")
Oh my Osip is almost done in with the poorly edited porn. Yet he recovers with
**a hedghog, three chimpanzee’s and a box of swiss chocolate**
a weak response, for sure.
Bitch all you want I am going back for that PORN!
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### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/32 "2000-11-04T03:32:48Z")
A hedgehog, three chimpanzees and a box of Swiss chocolate will fit nicely into my petting zoo (with attatched gift shop)
Who can stand up to my **collection of 70s pop music on 8-track cassette**?
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### Author:  [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/33 "2000-11-04T06:12:20Z")
What can stand up to your collection of 70s pop music on 8-track cassette?
Nothing that I can think of off the top of my head …
unless I whip out my **left-handed leprechaun smoking crack** , a truly intimidating weapon, no doubt.
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### Author:  [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/34 "2000-11-04T06:48:13Z")
I reach into my pocket, to pull out…
**A wad of Ron Jeremy’s Back Hair**
\*please note use of the sterile glove, and pocket lining.
This should do in your evil little Irishman… hehehe
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### Author:  [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/35 "2000-11-04T06:48:36Z")
But I cleverly lure your drug-using leprachaun away with my:
**Pot 'o Gold-Bond Medicated Powder**
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### Author:  [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/36 "2000-11-04T06:51:45Z")
Holy Simulposts, Tristan!
But fortunately, my cleverly selected **Pot o’ Gold-Bond Medicated Powder** defeats both Jack’s leprechaun and your surprise attack by the non-pubic hair of a pudgy porn star.
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### Author:  [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/37 "2000-11-04T08:43:08Z")
I wrap up your Gold Bond Medicated Powder with **E-Z Wrap!** (It’s so e-z!) As sponsored by the late curling champion Sandra Schmirler!
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### Author:  [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/38 "2000-11-04T14:58:16Z")
Ah, yes, but the rap stylings of **Eazy-E** , who has convieniently returned from the dead to participate in this match, put your **E-Z Wrap** to shame.
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### Author:  [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/39 "2000-11-04T17:27:53Z")
Deft move, Drain Bead, but **Eazy-E** is all to easily **E-mailed into the Ether**
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### Author:  [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)
#### Post date: [November 4, 2000, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/40 "2000-11-04T18:26:34Z")
Ah, but can **Email** _or_ **Ether** withstand the deadly **Whirling Gnaw** of my **Coked-up Hamster**?
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