# Ultimate Rochambo Fighter Arena **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2000, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513 "2000-11-03T04:12:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 20
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/381 "2001-01-18T18:46:06Z")
**jr8** , your riposte (especially the links) nearly made me fall out of the ring laughing. I salute you. ::magdalene looks around the arena, watching the whirling eddies of attacks and counterattacks, realizing all her worthy opponents are embroiled in single combat with one another. Seeking to maintain her reputation as a vile temptress, she cocks an eyebrow and invites everyone back to her place for **a deep tissue massage with scented oils.** : ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/382 "2001-01-18T18:50:24Z")
Music’s biggest oxymoron **Fatboy Slim** is just like any other pop musician; he’s had his 15 minutes of fame. His songs have been played out, rendering them usless in the field of battle. I’ll wontonly attack with the **gum on the bottom of my shoe in one hand and a 2x4 with a rusty nail in the other.** ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/383 "2001-01-18T19:31:50Z")
Oh, **magdalene** , indeed you are successful in maintaining your reputation as a temptress. If only we could share in an intimate moment of **a deep tissue massage with scented oils**. How you lure us into your web of lust like a black widow!. I am mesmirized only temporarily, but regain my composure and project the image of **Bob Dole in a teddy** to drain any prurient thoughts that may linger and repel your libidinous advance! And to press the attack, chew on **a 2-week old Rice Cake gone stale**! Pbthh!! ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/384 "2001-01-18T19:37:49Z")
And, **cykrider** , you don’t get off so easily. I see your **gum on the bottom of your shoe in one hand and a 2x4 with a rusty nail in the other** with a **well-placed banana in the tail-pipe** , and I raise you with **Tom Jones Dripping with sweat**!! Just try to stay dry!! ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/385 "2001-01-18T20:40:51Z")
Busta Rib, your \*\* 2-week old Rice Cake gone stale\*\* is devoured by **Oliver Twist**. “Please sir, I want some more!” Who will dare don this **pair of lederhosen**? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/386 "2001-01-18T20:58:20Z")
**Lederhosen**? You fiend! I thought those had been outlawed by the Geneva Convention!\* Fortunately, they can be nullified by the song stylings of **Eric Cartman**! (“I will do my German dance for you, tralalalala! Would you like some sauerkraut, German boy, German boy?..”) Eat **falafel**![sub] That’s not actually my attack; you just looked a bit peckish.[/sub] And now that you’re refreshed, beware of… **The Dog**! [sub]\*not to be confused by **Liederhosen** , or “pants of song”, or with **Leiderhosen** , the infamous “pants of pain”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/387 "2001-01-18T20:58:50Z")
**Lederhosen**? You fiend! I thought those had been outlawed by the Geneva Convention!\* Fortunately, they can be nullified by the song stylings of **Eric Cartman**! (“I will do my German dance for you, tralalalala! Would you like some sauerkraut, German boy, German boy?..”) Eat **falafel** , vile fiend![sub] That’s not actually my attack; you just looked a bit peckish.[/sub] And now that you’re refreshed, beware of… **The Dog**! [sub]\*not to be confused by **Liederhosen** , or “pants of song”, or with **Leiderhosen** , the infamous “pants of pain”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/388 "2001-01-18T21:09:06Z")
**Commentator 1:** Oh no! **jr8** commits an **Accidental Double Post Error** and knocks himself out! That **dog** is _gone_! **Commentator 2:** Yes, and he’s left the floor with no outstanding attack. The field is wide open for anyone to come in and claim ownership! **Commentator 1:** You know, Bob, I haven’t seen an error of this magnitude since 1972 when Englebert Hogenbogenflogen attempted a double attack of **Swiss yodeling** and **Fisher Price minifigs** and ended up inadvertently inhaling a plastic chicken. \*\* Commentator 2:\*\* You just made that up, didn’t you, Chet? **Commentator 1:** : Yes I did, Bob. Now back to the action… ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/389 "2001-01-18T21:24:26Z")
[Testing, testing, 1 2 3. Is this thing on?] **Clean up, aisle 5!!** Meanwhile, in the South American broadcast booth… **South American commentator 1** to **South American commentator 2** : What does it mean, “A little help!!”? ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/390 "2001-01-18T22:27:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > **Busta Rib, your \*\* 2-week old Rice Cake gone stale** is devoured by **Oliver Twist**. “Please sir, I want some more!” > > Who will dare don this **pair of lederhosen**? > > \*\* ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/391 "2001-01-18T22:30:25Z")
Am I correct in observing that there is no active attack in the ring (since the **dog** is no longer a valid threat)? Well, just to be sure, I’ll try on the **pair of liederhosen** …hmmm, comfy! Just like the pair my Opa (Dutch for grandfather) gave me, complete with cerimonial knife and everything…Nice! Fall to your kness before **the attack that I’ve since forgotten because this page has been erased a number of times while checking back on things**. [sub]Yeah! Deal with that![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/392 "2001-01-18T22:30:38Z")
Am I correct in observing that there is no active attack in the ring (since the **dog** is no longer a valid threat)? Well, just to be sure, I’ll try on the **pair of liederhosen** …hmmm, comfy! Just like the pair my Opa (Dutch for grandfather) gave me, complete with cerimonial knife and everything…Nice! Fall to your knees before **the attack that I’ve since forgotten because this page has been erased a number of times while checking back on things**. [sub]Yeah! Deal with that![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/393 "2001-01-18T22:35:41Z")
_ **SUNUVA…!** _ \ I challenge you now with **end of the day mind blanking out** coupled with **extreme frustration after thinking of and promptly forgetting really good attacks**. ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/394 "2001-01-18T22:51:30Z")
**Clean up, aisle 8!!** ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/395 "2001-01-18T23:04:34Z")
Hmm… is it me or did thinksnow just defeat himself? Anyway, I’ll take your **end of the day mind blanking out** by introducing the concept of **good notes**. As for the **extreme frustration after thinking of and promptly forgetting really good attacks** , all you need is a little **patience** to overcome frustration. Meanwhile, I will take advantage of the lull in the attacks to smite you all with **a good book and a cup of hot chocolate, in the company of my cat**. Enjoy 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Busta\_Rib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/45deac/32.png) [@Busta\_Rib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Busta_Rib)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2001, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/396 "2001-01-18T23:23:07Z")
After weathering the apparent Universal hiccough that shook the Rochambo Arena and effectively incapacitated **jr8** and **thinksnow** , Busta Rib re-enters the ring to do battle. I brush **a good book and a cup of hot chocolate, in the company of your cat** aside like a lint ball and rain **The Three’s Company Laugh Track Stuck on an Infinite Loop** on you!! And while you are stunned and the iron is hot, I poke you with… **a hot iron**!!! Squeal in pain, you sissies!!! ---
**Author:** ![cykrider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@cykrider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cykrider)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/397 "2001-01-19T00:23:56Z")
A **hot-iron** is no matter for a “cool” guy like me. (I’m so punny :p) As for **Busta Rib** I’m sick of using silly items. Enough is enough, I’m taking you on mano-y-mano. **:: cykrider runs over and picks Busta Rib up and shoves his/her head into a dirty boiling grease trap at McDonalds.** Not only did I hurt **Busta Rib** but I did the world a favor by shutting down a McDonalds due to health regulations. ---
**Author:** ![Scupper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Scupper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scupper)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/398 "2001-01-19T03:14:28Z")
I am stricken by pity at seeing Busta Rib in the jaws of **a dirty boiling grease trap at McDonalds**. Breaking the Seven Seals of St. Hymen, I unleash **Dawn (It gets grease out of your way!)** And my assault follows immediately: **Urinal Mints!!!** ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/399 "2001-01-19T04:54:48Z")
Re-invigorated after a nigth of drinking, **ts** sees **urinal cakes** challenging him. Hmmm, thinks he, then \ insiration strikes! Even the pee cutting strength of **cakes** is no match for **great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts**! Inspired, he rounds on the lulling crowd, dishing our carnage at every turn: **schroedingers cat** and\*\* all the tea in China\*\* spring forth, shocking all with the sudden totalitarian might only a born Rochambo fighter could muster. Truly, these fighters are men among men, and women…among 'dem broads. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2001, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513/400 "2001-01-19T06:41:39Z")
_Ah, the joys of Rochambo Fighting in the early morning… But ho! What is this? New attacks? Blast! And I was about to plant magnolias… I must stifle this impudence._ So you dare to assail me with **Schroedingers cat** , eh? Face it, the cat can be dealt with by merely _opening the box_. Nothing could be simpler. As for **all the tea in China** , I’ll give it to my girlfriend, who has a great affinity for the stuff. With that settled, I am free to deal my devastating attack, that taxidermists nightmare, a **collection of stuffed cows**!! Beware lest my embalmed bovines beat your blasted butts into oblivion! _Le Sang returns to his gardening, as his horrific herd heads off the heavy competition for a while._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=19) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ultimate-rochambo-fighter-arena/39513.md?page=21)