# Um, fuck you, you condescending fuck. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 9, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413 "2004-10-09T23:19:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/21 "2004-10-10T02:26:11Z")
Honestly? Almost every time I’ve seen someone use “er”, it’s been used to show uncertainty, or like someone else said, a slight embarassment for correcting someone. Kind of like a “I hate to point this out, but you’re incorrect in that statement.” On the other hand, “um” is seemingly always used to imply “Hey, you are 100% flat-out wrong, dumbass.” YMMV, natch. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/22 "2004-10-10T02:27:07Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > **Czarcasm** , you are using the right ear, I hope? Sorry, I lost the instruction manual. There’s a _wrong_ ear? ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/23 "2004-10-10T02:36:39Z")
I am SO with the OP on this one. Everytime I see an “um” at the beginning of a post I want to scream. I’ve had people begin to correct me on things this way when I _specifically said_ in my post that I was unsure about what I was posting. I said I was’t sure! I never put it out there as gospel truth! Do you _have_ to be an asshole about correcting me? Gah! ---
**Author:** ![SparrowHawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@SparrowHawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SparrowHawk)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/24 "2004-10-10T02:54:37Z")
I’ve used “um” and I’ve only ever used it as a mark of hesitancy. I had no idea so many other people weren’t reading it that way. Now I feel like I have to go back and issue apologies. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/25 "2004-10-10T03:39:41Z")
When I use um, it is to denote hesitancy as I often say um in every day life when, y’know, I’m hesitating. Uh, on the other hand, I use only when someone’s an idiot and needs something glaringly obvious pointed out to them. Both pale in comparison to that fucking roll eyes smiley though. There’ve been times I’ve seen it used that I wanted to kick my monitor in, it pisses me off so much. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/26 "2004-10-10T03:40:56Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve used “um” and I’ve only ever used it as a mark of hesitancy. I had no idea so many other people weren’t reading it that way. Now I feel like I have to go back and issue apologies. I see no need to apologize. “Um” and “er” are both used to indicate a mild reluctance to offer criticism that may be necessary. Why someone would consider either construction condescending I have no idea. The alternative is to either blurt out the correction with no “hesitancy” marker, firmly establishing the point that one thinks the corrected person was wholly ignorant or stupid, or to blurt out the answer prefaced by an insult. While the later method is not condescending (merely offensive), the former is condescending. It has the effect of saying, “Here, let me show you why you are just _wrong_.” Inserting the hesitancy syllable indicates that one has at least considered the possiblity that the error was the result of a typo, bad information over which the corrected person had no control, or some other disability, and that one is _not_ expressing glee over the correction. (And distinguishing between “um” and “er” seems to be the height of establishing a distinction without a difference, particularly when either choice has probably much more to do with local (or temporal) usages and nothing to do with meaning.) ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/27 "2004-10-10T04:07:45Z")
> [@Ogre](#): > > Agreed, although it _was_ peculiarly appropriate for someone named “Afterthought.” Awww! It was inherently more witty than any other response to the OP, and not only is it the word he hates spelled backwards, it clearly shows how insignifigant and pointless the whole rant was. The great thing about it is the OP can hardly complain too much about me saying “nothing.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/28 "2004-10-10T04:08:26Z")
> [@SparrowHawk](#): > > I’ve used “um” and I’ve only ever used it as a mark of hesitancy. I had no idea so many other people weren’t reading it that way. Now I feel like I have to go back and issue apologies. ☹ What he said. You know, the obvious answer here is to not be a passive-aggressive schmuck. If you think someone’s being condescending by putting “Um” or “Er” or “Uh” or “Actually” or whatever word they might choose before their reply to something you’ve written, **ask them** instead of assuming that they’re trying to be snarky to you. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/29 "2004-10-10T04:13:18Z")
Add me to the ranks of those who see no difference between “um”, “er”, “uh”, and so forth, and who use such intros to indicate hesitancy and a reluctance to offend. **TeaElle** is right – if you think you’re being condescended to, speak up, don’t just fume. This isn’t even a molehill – it’s an anthill, if you ask me. Or even if you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/30 "2004-10-10T04:16:59Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > Inserting the hesitancy syllable indicates that one has at least considered the possiblity that the error was the result of a typo, bad information over which the corrected person had no control, or some other disability To add a bit - I tend to use it when I may be wrong, although I, of course, don’t bother posting if I’m not pretty sure I’m right. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/31 "2004-10-10T04:19:27Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > This isn’t even a molehill – it’s an anthill, if you ask me. Uhm…[anthills can get pretty big](http://yucc.yorku.ca/~alex/pictures/zambia/Vic_Falls_Trip/Game_boat-Anthill.jpg), actually. 😉 Please, don’t hurt me! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/32 "2004-10-10T04:30:36Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Uhm…[anthills can get pretty big](http://yucc.yorku.ca/~alex/pictures/zambia/Vic_Falls_Trip/Game_boat-Anthill.jpg), actually. 😉 I thought those immense African mounds were made by [termites](http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~dewart/pictures.htm), not ants. :dubious: Indeed, [one cite I found](http://www.museums.org.za/bio/ants/) says that > [@](#): > > In Africa, the large mounds one sees distributed over the landscape belong to termites, not ants. Very few African ants construct mounds and these are usually low and inconspicuous. Although I find, on Googling “African ant mounds” that the eastern coast of North America does have its very own [mound-building ants](http://www.uri.edu/ce/factsheets/sheets/alleganyant.html). > [@](#): > > Please, don’t hurt me! :eek: NAw, I’ll just cuff you around a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/33 "2004-10-10T04:41:18Z")
For everyone who thinks “um” is condescending, I got a question for ya: How many times have you seen _Office Space_? Not everyone says it like Lumbergh. ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/34 "2004-10-10T04:59:59Z")
Originally posted by **RedFury** > [@](#): > > _Bet she’ll never go back to swabs_ hahahaha 🙂 Thanks for that. You’ve made my morning. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/35 "2004-10-10T05:10:13Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I am SO with the OP on this one. Everytime I see an “um” at the beginning of a post I want to scream. I’m with you and the OP. There’s something about “um” that is unlike the others (“er,” or “uh” for example). Won’t try to explain it, it’s just how it is, for, um, me. ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/36 "2004-10-10T05:31:11Z")
I think that “um” is used in _both_ ways–some use it as a put down(but perhaps aren’t even aware that they’re doing it), while others use it as a '‘hesitancy’ marker, to use **tomndebb’s** phrase. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/37 "2004-10-10T05:38:18Z")
Hmm…I see. (stroking Freudian-style beard) And how long have you been troubled by these word, **Ms. Yosemite**? Sorry guys. I usually try to avoid offensive language unless it’s just some harmless vulgarity. But I won’t be able to post at all if I have to do without my hesitation words. How else will you know how fuzzy my mind is? Oh. Anyway, what {b]TeaElle\*\* said. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/38 "2004-10-10T05:40:09Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > How else will you know how fuzzy my mind is? > Anyway, what {b]TeaElle\*\* said. Oh, we’ll figure it out. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/39 "2004-10-10T05:52:00Z")
I also don’t see any difference between Um, Er, and Uh when written. I’ve heard some people use Um as a preamble to condesention, but that Um has a completely different tone, which can’t be conveyed in writing. If the rest of the correction doesn’t have any obvious snarky markers, I’d assume it was just a hesitation-to-correct type Um. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413/40 "2004-10-10T05:54:31Z")
True, the “um” has to be part of some correction or admonition to be most annoying. I don’t think bad thoughts towards someone who uses it in general chatter (but I still dislike it). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-fuck-you-you-condescending-fuck/268413.md?page=3)