# Um...I'm Not Sure What to Say About this Story: **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446 "2005-11-30T21:39:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/21 "2005-12-01T04:46:36Z")
> [@Jeep's Phoenix](#): > > [Nope.](http://www.seattleweekly.com/features/0545/051109_news_horsesex.php) > > From the article… > > “The man who died during the incident suffered a perforated colon after being penetrated by the neighbor’s horse, investigators say.” A bottom to the end, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/22 "2005-12-01T04:51:52Z")
> [@John\_Stamos'\_Left\_Ear](#): > > Come on, did you see the way the horse flipped his tail at the guy? It was asking for it… So a horse cannot wear a low cut blouse and high heels just to make them feel pretty? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/23 "2005-12-01T04:53:51Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > A bottom to the end, I guess. You got to wonder what he thought would happen when a 2 foot dong with 1000 lbs of horny horsemeat behind decided to get busy. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/24 "2005-12-01T05:54:46Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You got to wonder what he thought would happen when a 2 foot dong with 1000 lbs of horny horsemeat behind decided to get busy. I suppose he thought that people would be willing to pony up the money to view the video online. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/25 "2005-12-01T06:07:17Z")
> [@Jeep's Phoenix](#): > > I suppose he thought that people would be willing to pony up the money to view the video online. I guess he put the cart before the horse on that one. And by cart, of course, I mean “his ass.” ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/26 "2005-12-01T06:17:11Z")
> [@Jeep's Phoenix](#): > > [Nope.](http://www.seattleweekly.com/features/0545/051109_news_horsesex.php) > > From the article… > > “The man who died during the incident suffered a perforated colon after being penetrated by the neighbor’s horse, investigators say.” Note to self: do not always highlight spoiler boxes. **Marley23** , genius. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/27 "2005-12-01T06:30:34Z")
So let’s see if we can reconstruct the scene: Jimmy: I’m bored. Ken: Yeah, me too. Jimmy: Real bored. Ken: Real real bored. Jimmy: Wanna watch some TV? Ken: Nah, nothing good on. Jimmy: Wanna play some video games? Ken: Nah, we’ve played all of them Jimmy: Wanna break into the neighbour’s barn and videotape each other getting sodomized by a horse? Ken: Yeah, I guess we could go do that. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/28 "2005-12-01T07:15:53Z")
More [bestiality in the news](http://www.eastbayexpress.com/Issues/2005-11-30/news/bottomfeeder.html). I didn’t even _know_ they made dog-penis-shaped dildos. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/29 "2005-12-01T07:15:55Z")
Alternative dialogue: **Willie:** So, y’know, I had a couple of free hours, so I, y’know… **Frankie:** Broke into the neighbor’s barn? **Willie:** Yeah, exactly. And I went in there and I looked around until I found one o’ them, what do you call it… **Frankie:** Massively hung stallions? **Willie:** Yeah! And I just started, y’know, rubbing the horse’s cock, until it got real hard, y’know? **Frankie:** Uh huh. **Willie:** So when the horse’s cock was like totally hard, I, uh… **Frankie:** Took your pants off, bent over, rubbed the horse’s cock on your butthole, pushed it inside, and encouraged the horse to fuck you until it ripped your colon free of your sphincter and made your guts all bloody and septic? **Willie:** Yeah! I hate when that happens. **Frankie:** Me too. _\_ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/30 "2005-12-01T13:09:31Z")
_“Bring out your dead from a perforated colon after being sodomized by a stallion named Big Dick.”_ _bong_ _“I’m not dead yet. I still want to take on a cow. Really, I’m feeling much butter.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/31 "2005-12-01T13:24:16Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Alternative dialogue: > > **Willie:** So, y’know, I had a couple of free hours, so I, y’know… > > **Frankie:** Broke into the neighbor’s barn? > > **Willie:** Yeah, exactly. And I went in there and I looked around until I found one o’ them, what do you call it… > > **Frankie:** Massively hung stallions? > > **Willie:** Yeah! And I just started, y’know, rubbing the horse’s cock, until it got real hard, y’know? > > **Frankie:** Uh huh. > > **Willie:** So when the horse’s cock was like totally hard, I, uh… > > **Frankie:** Took your pants off, bent over, rubbed the horse’s cock on your butthole, pushed it inside, and encouraged the horse to fuck you until it ripped your colon free of your sphincter and made your guts all bloody and septic? > > **Willie:** Yeah! I hate when that happens. > > **Frankie:** Me too. _\_ Goddam, that’s funny! ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/32 "2005-12-01T14:08:24Z")
wow. The stuff you learn here. I would never even thought of having a horse…well, you know. Fighting ignorance indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/33 "2005-12-01T14:24:08Z")
I guess this as good a time as any to give you all an old-fashioned rugby drinking song. Everyone sings the chorus, then everyone at the table takes a turn coming up with a new verse (example provided). Mind the required rhyme (bolded in the verse). [spoiler] **Chorus:** Beastiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great Fuckawallaby Beastiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great **Verse:** Shoot your **load** in a **toad** , mate. Shoot your load in a toad **everybody:** Fuckawallaby Shoot your load in a toad, mate. Shoot your load in a toad other successful verses include: give an inch to a finch, jam your log in a dog and so forth. Note “put your penis into a woman” doesn’t follow the required metre.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/34 "2005-12-01T14:33:08Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > I guess this as good a time as any to give you all an old-fashioned rugby drinking song. Everyone sings the chorus, then everyone at the table takes a turn coming up with a new verse (example provided). Mind the required rhyme (bolded in the verse). > > [spoiler] > **Chorus:** > Beastiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great > Fuckawallaby > Beastiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great > > **Verse:** > Shoot your **load** in a **toad** , mate. Shoot your load in a toad > **everybody:** > Fuckawallaby > Shoot your load in a toad, mate. Shoot your load in a toad > > other successful verses include: give an inch to a finch, jam your log in a dog and so forth. Note “put your penis into a woman” doesn’t follow the required metre.[/spoiler] [spoiler]Stick your tool in a mule, mate, stick your tool in a mule **everybody:** Fuckawallaby Stick your tool in a mule, mate, stick your tool in a mule Ontheotherhand: **Chorus:** Bestiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great Fuckawallaby Bestiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/35 "2005-12-01T14:49:27Z")
Yes. That’s the spirit! ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/36 "2005-12-01T15:02:01Z")
> [@Plynck](#): > > Please don’t tell me that, by “service” they mean… Now there’s some alternitive dialoge for you… Guy 1: …So my lawyer pleaded the DUI down to reckless driving. No jail time, but now we’re out here on this nice Saturday morning picking up trash from the side of the road. Guy 2: Yeah, you said it. Stupid beastiality laws. God there’s a lot of trash out here. Guy 1: No kidding, say have yo…wait. What? ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/37 "2005-12-01T15:04:18Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > …Fuckawallaby… Ahmed, right? Head of the Iraqi National Congress? I like this word too many! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/38 "2005-12-01T18:22:13Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > I guess this as good a time as any to give you all an old-fashioned rugby drinking song. Everyone sings the chorus, then everyone at the table takes a turn coming up with a new verse (example provided). Mind the required rhyme (bolded in the verse). > > [spoiler] > **Chorus:** > Beastiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great > Fuckawallaby > Beastiality’s great, mate. Beastiality’s great > > **Verse:** > Shoot your **load** in a **toad** , mate. Shoot your load in a toad > **everybody:** > Fuckawallaby > Shoot your load in a toad, mate. Shoot your load in a toad > > other successful verses include: give an inch to a finch, jam your log in a dog and so forth. Note “put your penis into a woman” doesn’t follow the required metre.[/spoiler] Anybody shooting a load in a toad will soon wish they had suffered the fate of the horses bitch. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/39 "2005-12-01T18:32:58Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Alternative dialogue: > > **Willie:** So, y’know, I had a couple of free hours, so I, y’know… > > **Frankie:** Broke into the neighbor’s barn? > > **Willie:** Yeah, exactly. And I went in there and I looked around until I found one o’ them, what do you call it… > > **Frankie:** Massively hung stallions? > > **Willie:** Yeah! And I just started, y’know, rubbing the horse’s cock, until it got real hard, y’know? > > **Frankie:** Uh huh. > > **Willie:** So when the horse’s cock was like totally hard, I, uh… > > **Frankie:** Took your pants off, bent over, rubbed the horse’s cock on your butthole, pushed it inside, and encouraged the horse to fuck you until it ripped your colon free of your sphincter and made your guts all bloody and septic? > > **Willie:** Yeah! I hate when that happens. > > **Frankie:** Me too. _\_ Someone give the man a trophy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/40 "2005-12-01T18:44:27Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Alternative dialogue: > > **Willie:** So, y’know, I had a couple of free hours, so I, y’know… > > **Frankie:** Broke into the neighbor’s barn? > > **Willie:** Yeah, exactly. And I went in there and I looked around until I found one o’ them, what do you call it… > > **Frankie:** Massively hung stallions? > > **Willie:** Yeah! And I just started, y’know, rubbing the horse’s cock, until it got real hard, y’know? > > **Frankie:** Uh huh. > > **Willie:** So when the horse’s cock was like totally hard, I, uh… > > **Frankie:** Took your pants off, bent over, rubbed the horse’s cock on your butthole, pushed it inside, and encouraged the horse to fuck you until it ripped your colon free of your sphincter and made your guts all bloody and septic? > > **Willie:** Yeah! I hate when that happens. > > **Frankie:** Me too. _\_ _chokes to death_ **Cervaise**! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446.md?page=3)