# Um...I'm Not Sure What to Say About this Story: **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446 "2005-11-30T21:39:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Firebringer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@Firebringer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebringer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/61 "2005-12-02T12:14:06Z")
I’ll bet the guy started off simply enough. A small pony perhaps at a friends party. He thinks to himself. I’m not hooked yet. I can stop any time. Everyone else is doing it. Where’s the harm in one small pony. I’ll just do it this once. To see what it’s like. Then years later when he’s not designing automatic flight controls for airplanes he finds himself sneaking into a barn at night for a well hung Stallion. Remember Folks Say no to Ponys! That’s how it all starts. I guess the alternative reason is that sex education in American Schools must be sadly lacking. Maybe when he heard about people ‘horsing about’ on dates he put 2 and 2 together and got… ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/62 "2005-12-02T13:09:20Z")
Just say No! to _Horse_. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/63 "2005-12-02T13:21:11Z")
For some reason, I can’t help visualising a Jimmy Swaggart-style public repentance; “I \ have sinned against you \, all of you! I have sinned against you and against God! \ Can you please forgive me? I have sinned against you all, against God, against my beautiful wife \ and against a _huge black stallion_!” ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/64 "2005-12-02T15:46:15Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > "Hi, I’m James Michael Tait. You might remember… …my close friendship with Troy McClure - although I never really understood the fish thing. ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/65 "2005-12-02T17:42:24Z")
> [@Slithy Tove](#): > > For me, the most disturbing aspect of this story is that the deceased was a Boeing engineer. Next time you fly, your safety will have been determined in part by someone who hadn’t fully considered the dynamics of a horse’s penis in the human rectum _Ding … Ding … Ding!_ New Winner! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/66 "2005-12-02T18:06:17Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > You’d think they’d know better in Chicago, of all places! We keep all our cows in zoos, now–it’s part of the fire insurance policy, it reduces the city’s premiums. Were these guys mentally um…altered in any way? Please tell me they were drunk or high or tweaking (whatever that is) or _something_… Mostly I am :eek: at this, but I also find this funny as hell… My contributions to this thread- That’ll teach him to get on his high horse. Despite the popular wisdom, maybe he should’ve changed horses in mid-er-stream! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/67 "2005-12-02T18:40:13Z")
I think this tragedy clearly demonstartes the need for warning labels on all horses: **"Caution: Horse is for riding. Do not allow horse to ride you." “Warning: Horse penis is larger than it looks.” “Danger: Do not insert horse penis into rectum. Humorous death may result.” “Warning: Horse penis may ensue at any time.” "Caution: Do not operate heavy machinery while being sodomized by horse."** ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/68 "2005-12-02T18:44:17Z")
“Use only in well-ventilated rectum.” ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/69 "2005-12-02T22:47:47Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > One of my friends has dated _two_ women who loved horses in ways that most horse-lovers don’t. One put it on videotape for her later viewing enjoyment, which my friend found in her closet–it was relabeled and hidden in the box for Blade Runner. Needless to say, he was a little surprised at the movie he saw. What really surprises me is that she would disguise the tape as a movie that’s remained popular over the past few decades. If you want to hide a tape, put it in the box for It’s Pat, or Waterworld. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2005, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/70 "2005-12-02T23:26:33Z")
Or “Me-biscuit.” ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/71 "2005-12-03T00:14:21Z")
In Soviet Russia, horse…horse… Aw, forget it. I just can’t. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/72 "2005-12-03T04:25:00Z")
Several years ago there was a local news story here about a man who was caught having sex with a calf. My first thought was “Is that bestiality or pedophilia?” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/73 "2005-12-03T05:12:26Z")
> [@supervenusfreak](#): > > Several years ago there was a local news story here about a man who was caught having sex with a calf. My first thought was “Is that bestiality or pedophilia?” :eek: Neither. I was once caught trying to have sex with a calf. She just yelled “Get off my leg you freak!” ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/74 "2005-12-03T05:18:01Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > Neither. I was once caught trying to have sex with a calf. She just yelled “Get off my leg you freak!” LOL. I think that is something else entirely… 😉😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/75 "2005-12-03T13:47:41Z")
_ **WHY** _ did I open this Thread? :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/76 "2005-12-03T16:54:51Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > Rectum? Damn well killedum! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/77 "2005-12-03T19:23:50Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > _ **WHY** _ did I open this Thread? > > :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: As long as it keeps you off the streets… or out of the stables… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/78 "2005-12-03T19:45:11Z")
I just quick read it initially. I thought \*he \*was doing the horse, but it was the other way around?? Eeoow. _“…perforated colon …”_ Something tells me this guy didn’t die with a smile on his face. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/79 "2005-12-03T22:12:03Z")
> [@The Big Cheese](#): > > Something tells me this guy didn’t die with a smile on his face. Not that you’d be able to see it under the ground-in hay and horseshit. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446/80 "2005-12-03T22:24:26Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > As long as it keeps you off the streets… or out of the stables… There is nothing in this Thread that is in any way stable. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/um-im-not-sure-what-to-say-about-this-story/333446.md?page=5)