# Umm...gosh...no, I don't actually want to suck your cock, but...thanks for asking? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247 "2013-07-11T20:03:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/181 "2013-09-09T20:43:34Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > … but it’s not the delivery method that would be used. It’s striking me as pretty juvenile and ignorant to go on like it is. First day on the internet? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/182 "2013-09-09T20:53:24Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > I realize it’s a lot of fun to make jokes about administering “dog” valium anally to a human, but it’s not the delivery method that would be used. No shit, we all get it. Obviously you insert the valium into the dog’s rectum and then transfer it orally to the human patient. I’m not sure where the confusion is coming in either. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/183 "2013-09-10T01:50:59Z")
[QUOTE=Bob Ducca] No shit, we all get it. Obviously you insert the valium into the dog’s rectum and then transfer it orally to the human patient. I’m not sure where the confusion is coming in either. [/QUOTE] I will be laughing over this for a _very long time._ ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/184 "2013-09-10T16:11:53Z")
@Bob Ducca: Thank you for inducing the triple whammy of nearly spewing my coffee over my monitor, laughing so hard I had to pee, and then making me chortle like a maniac at the urinal when in a moment of crystalline clarity I finally realized why Paris Hilton and her ilk have been carrying around dogs in handbags all these years; companionship, lip gloss and anti-anxiety, a trifecta of happiness! ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2013, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/185 "2013-09-10T22:45:14Z")
> [@Girlundone](#): > > I will be laughing over this for a _very long time._ That’s funny? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/186 "2013-09-11T00:57:36Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > That’s funny? :rolleyes: I forgot, it’s **goat** felching that’s preferred here. Our bad. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/187 "2013-09-11T01:50:33Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > That’s funny? :rolleyes: If you don’t often find yourself in the situation, yes. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/188 "2013-09-11T02:25:13Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > It’s already been patiently explained that veterinary valium is the _same_ as human valium. Administering it anally is the most effective, quickest way to get it into the system of a dog having seizures. I realize it’s a lot of fun to make jokes about administering “dog” valium anally to a human, but it’s not the delivery method that would be used. It’s striking me as pretty juvenile and ignorant to go on like it is. Hope no one here searches on “plugging”, some drugs have a higher bioavailability when administered anally. EDIT:Apparently diazepam has a higher BA when taken orally, 100%! You lose ten percent going anal. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/189 "2013-09-11T02:28:33Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Oh, there’s a friend of a friend I’ve heard some even more precious stories about. He was an otherkin (thought he was a dragon inside, is also attracted to dragon-themed porn). Apparently once he brought his crush into the room and showed her what amounted to a reptile themed fleshlight and asked her “what she thought about it.” > > Hmm… maybe I should consider a username change /facepalm I just got your name, for the first time ever. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/190 "2013-09-11T02:47:54Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Hope no one here searches on “plugging”, some drugs have a higher bioavailability when administered anally. > > EDIT:Apparently diazepam has a higher BA when taken orally, 100%! You lose ten percent going anal. It’s used in dogs as an intra-ictal anticonvulsant. Difficult to pill a seizing dog. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/191 "2013-09-11T04:28:03Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > It’s used in dogs as an intra-ictal anticonvulsant. Difficult to pill a seizing dog. Ya…try impossible. Scary shit… although you do get kinda used to it. Completely freaked out my poker game. He had big fat gran mals, too, peed himself, foamed at the mouth, smashed into things if I didn’t make sure to buffer his body… then he’d come to and stumble and be a mess. And guaranteed he’d seize again within 12 hours. My poor baby. And it was his seizure meds that killed him when he was only 5 years old. Not the valium, potassium bromide we’d added to the phenobarbs because he was getting worse. Developed pulmonary edema… I spent about 7 hours straight holding an oxygen mask to his face trying to keep him alive. Absolutely without a doubt one of the worst days of my life, if not the worst… ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/192 "2013-09-11T10:21:35Z")
> [@grude](#): > > You lose ten percent going anal. I nominate this line for “Setup of the Year”. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/193 "2013-09-11T10:35:08Z")
[QUOTE=Helena330] That’s funny? [/QUOTE] If by funny you mean “a little tidbit of comedic genius”, then yes. Yes, it was. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/194 "2013-09-11T11:05:23Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > It’s used in dogs as an intra-ictal anticonvulsant. Difficult to pill a seizing dog. I know, I was just saying why it would be illogical for a human to take it in that fashion. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/195 "2013-09-11T11:13:52Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I know, I was just saying why it would be illogical for a human to take it in that fashion. Depends what the desired effect is. Per rectum the total amount absorbed may be lower (by ten percent) but the rate of absorption is lightning fast. And for the end-user, that may be desirable. Heh. End user. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/196 "2013-09-11T12:54:46Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Depends what the desired effect is. Per rectum the total amount absorbed may be lower (by ten percent) but the rate of absorption is lightning fast. And for the end-user, that may be desirable. > > Heh. End user. Yep you’re right. Looks like it takes effect in half the time, good to know! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/197 "2013-09-11T13:16:44Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Yep you’re right. Looks like it takes effect in half the time, good to know! Good to get to the bottom of this. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/198 "2013-09-11T14:44:16Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > That’s funny? :rolleyes: Someone could use an anally administered dose of dog Valium! ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/199 "2013-09-11T18:13:22Z")
**Bonus Creepout:** The guy playing Nazi Asshole Number #2 on Breaking Bad could totally be Tex’s big brother. Much greasier and coarser and Nazier, but DNA-wise… totally. Yar. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/200 "2013-09-11T18:58:43Z")
You don’t get to keep calling the situation or people creepy if you are voluntarily welcoming them into your life. You know what most people do when other people creep them out? We don’t invite them into our homes. We don’t drive around the neighborhood searching for them. If you welcome the crazy, you lose the ability to whine about it without judgement and mockery. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247.md?page=11)