# Umm...gosh...no, I don't actually want to suck your cock, but...thanks for asking? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247 "2013-07-11T20:03:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/21 "2013-07-12T00:26:54Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Several years ago I put an add on [match.com](http://match.com). I was looking for something catchy so I titled my add " handy man with no honey do". It was kind of sad how many single women were willing to trade sex for some repairs they couldn’t afford. That was not my intention. Most of them were kind of shy and tactful about it but were really in need. I did a lot of free small repairs and really didn’t have the heart to just accept sex unless I felt some kind of chemistry or at least an attraction. I accepted a few simply because they said they really wanted to. Note to self: learn how to do home repairs. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/22 "2013-07-12T00:41:59Z")
> [@Zago](#): > > At first I thought this the most outrageous/funniest proposition one could ever encounter and then I remembered one from my distant past that was nearly as bad. I was so flummoxed that I couldn’t even respond. I pretended to misunderstand, well, I’m not sure I was even pretending because I was in shock. In my case the guy was politely asking for sex, (because, due to circumstances, he wasn’t getting any) not just for me to suck his cock, so presumably there was something in it for me. My favorite awkward sex solicitation story was a woman in college who had a socially awkward guy come over to her dorm and watch a movie with her. She said when the movie ended, she looked down and saw his fully erect penis exposed, and he said… Would you like to touch Mr. Pickle? Thanks for the share, **Stoid**. Hilarious. (Hmm, we may need to start another funny sex stories thread… the last one I remember was a riot.) ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/23 "2013-07-12T00:44:05Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Note to self: learn how to do home repairs. I’ve snaked drains, installed garbage disposals, put in ceiling fans, etc. never knew about the quid pro quo. I wonder what I’m due what with interest compounded daily? ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/24 "2013-07-12T00:52:53Z")
He took it. Out. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/25 "2013-07-12T00:58:06Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve snaked drains …in a manner of speaking. ---
**Author:** ![turtlescanfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@turtlescanfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/turtlescanfly)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/26 "2013-07-12T01:02:16Z")
\ Oh, wait… ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/27 "2013-07-12T01:09:06Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > My favorite awkward sex solicitation story was a woman in college who had a socially awkward guy come over to her dorm and watch a movie with her. She said when the movie ended, she looked down and saw his fully erect penis exposed, and he said… > > Would you like to touch Mr. Pickle? Oh, there’s a friend of a friend I’ve heard some even more precious stories about. He was an otherkin (thought he was a dragon inside, is also attracted to dragon-themed porn). Apparently once he brought his crush into the room and showed her what amounted to a reptile themed fleshlight and asked her “what she thought about it.” Hmm… maybe I should consider a username change ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/28 "2013-07-12T03:20:37Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > “I was wondrin’ if you would maybe wanna suck my cock.” > > As the title says: Ummm, no, but… I guess thanks for asking! Yeah, I’m with you - the feathers tickle your throat something fierce. Am I right? Or am I right? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/29 "2013-07-12T06:02:05Z")
The best personal ad I ever saw had the heading: **"DESPERATELY SEEKING SUCTION."** ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/30 "2013-07-12T16:06:52Z")
> [@zagloba](#): > > He took it. Out. “I’ve spent so much time trying to get their clothes off but I never thought about taking mine off” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/31 "2013-07-12T16:10:18Z")
If the OP had taken him up on his offer this woulda been a far more interesting thread. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/32 "2013-07-12T16:15:41Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > If the OP had taken him up on his offer this woulda been a far more interesting thread. but a less interesting title. ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/33 "2013-07-13T01:37:44Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve snaked drains Is that what the kids are calling it now? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/34 "2013-07-13T01:47:23Z")
> [@Accidental\_Martyr](#): > > Is that what the kids are calling it now? Well, I have drained a few snakes in my lifetime… ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/35 "2013-07-13T01:54:31Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Note to self: learn how to do home repairs. HA! _Some_ of us already know how! I just got back from fixing a 220v outlet, and replacing the plug on the A/C. I only got eleven bucks. Maybe I should have held out for a blow job. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/36 "2013-07-13T02:43:06Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Oh, there’s a friend of a friend I’ve heard some even more precious stories about. He was an otherkin (thought he was a dragon inside, is also attracted to dragon-themed porn). Apparently once he brought his crush into the room and showed her what amounted to a **reptile themed fleshlight** and asked her “what she thought about it.” > > Hmm… maybe I should consider a username change I’m scared to even try Googling where to find one of those. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/37 "2013-07-13T02:55:07Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > HA! _Some_ of us already know how! I just got back from fixing a 220v outlet, and replacing the plug on the A/C. I only got eleven bucks. Maybe I should have held out for a blow job. I’ve never had a bad BJ, but I’d be worried an $11 one might be a first. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/38 "2013-07-13T08:13:48Z")
A reptile themed one? I don’t want to know. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/39 "2013-07-13T08:49:17Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Shit, the last time I let a guy rake my leaves I gave him 1/2 up front and told him I’d be back in an hour from the store to give him the rest. SOB took the up front money, never touched the leaves, stole my rake and never looked back. I know I’m evil but I laughed at this. Sorry for that. ---
**Author:** ![BleizDu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BleizDu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BleizDu)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/40 "2013-07-13T10:24:38Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > I’m scared to even try Googling where to find one of those. There: (NSFW, goes to a sex-shop selling replicas of furry characters’ genitals) bad-dragon(dot)com/products/janine “Janine the Dragoness Available from $130.00” Aren’t you glad to know now? 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247.md?page=3)