# Umm...gosh...no, I don't actually want to suck your cock, but...thanks for asking? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247 "2013-07-11T20:03:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/41 "2013-07-13T15:03:17Z")
I was at the train station once, minding my own business, waiting for the train, and reading a book. A guy comes up and waits with me. A few minutes later, “would you happen to know when the train is coming?” I tell him, go back to reading my book. A few minutes later, “would you happen to know what time it is?” I look at my watch and tell him, go back to reading my book. A few minutes later, “would you happen to be interested in getting a blow job?” I managed to somehow stop myself from laughing, but I did have a small smirk as I said “um, no thanks.” And went back to reading my book at which point he wandered off… I guess it was sort of creepy, but I also admired the pure bravado. It didn’t seem like the sort of area where one would go expecting to find other willing participants in that sort of thing. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/42 "2013-07-13T15:05:41Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > I’m scared to even try Googling where to find one of those. Probably on the same website where they sell the baby Jesus butt plug. 😮 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/43 "2013-07-13T15:18:35Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > but a less interesting title. I daresay a thread titled “Gee, thanks a lot for letting me suck your cock!” would garner almost as many views. ---
**Author:** ![Teuton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teuton/32/3864_2.png) [@Teuton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teuton)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/44 "2013-07-13T16:12:12Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Apparently once he brought his crush into the room and showed her what amounted to a reptile themed fleshlight and asked her “what she thought about it.” There are some things you should definitely lead up to more gently. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/45 "2013-07-13T17:14:04Z")
> [@BleizDu](#): > > There: > (NSFW, goes to a sex-shop selling replicas of furry characters’ genitals) > bad-dragon(dot)com/products/janine > “Janine the Dragoness Available from $130.00” > > Aren’t you glad to know now? 😛 Oh absolutely! I’ll send you the bill for therapy. I especially love the bullet point, “New natural colors available specific to the Dragoness” ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/46 "2013-07-13T17:32:10Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve snaked drains… Snakes In A Drain! Wow, a perfect title for a porn film! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/47 "2013-07-13T18:45:11Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > My favorite awkward sex solicitation story was a woman in college who had a socially awkward guy come over to her dorm and watch a movie with her. She said when the movie ended, she looked down and saw his fully erect penis exposed, and he said… > > Would you like to touch Mr. Pickle? Thankfully, she didn’t need a song to help her remember exactly what to do… [spoiler] \*Stow your pickle, keep your lettuce! Social Disorders do upset us. (Don’t make me use my Baretta!) Go on your way…! Go on your way, Get the Hell on your way! Go on your way, you Pervy Thing!!!\* [/spoiler] As fo **Stoid** , I’m picturing Hank Hill opening an email and saying, “Well, that sucks. Or not…” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/48 "2013-07-13T19:27:18Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > My favorite awkward sex solicitation story was a woman in college who had a socially awkward guy come over to her dorm and watch a movie with her. She said when the movie ended, she looked down and saw his fully erect penis exposed, and he said… > > Would you like to touch Mr. Pickle? Good times. How’s Debbie doing, btw? ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/49 "2013-07-13T19:56:45Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Shit, the last time I let a guy rake my leaves I gave him 1/2 up front and told him I’d be back in an hour from the store to give him the rest. SOB took the up front money, never touched the leaves, stole my rake and never looked back. > [@Loach](#): > > So a blow job was out of the question? Well I figured I’d been well and truly fucked already, so… ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/50 "2013-07-13T20:24:28Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > I know I’m evil but I laughed at this. Sorry for that. It’s funny because he stole her rake. That’s like over-the-top cartoon villainy right there. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/51 "2013-07-13T20:40:51Z")
All I can think of after reading the OP is the old joke: Q: I’m an optometrist, not a psychiatrist. Why are you telling me this? A: I’m telling everybody! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/52 "2013-07-13T20:48:59Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > It’s funny because he stole her rake. That’s like over-the-top cartoon villainy right there. I have to admit it cracked me up as well. And BTW, I’m a guy. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/53 "2013-07-13T22:56:29Z")
So my friends and I have been trying to figure out where the hell this came from, given that this guy is seriously anxiety plagued and there’s been zero hint in our interaction of this being a thought of any kind. Two possibilities, and maybe it’s a combination of both: He borrowed $1.50, no problem He borrowed $2.00 no problem. He borrowed a couple of Xanax, no problem. He borrowed a weedwhacker, no problem. So he thought he’d just see if it would also be no problem for him to…well, borrow my mouth. The other one is that I am known for being extremely easy to talk to because I’m almost completely judgment free and nearly impossible to offend. I do my utmost to create a safe space for people to express themselves frankly without fear. And I guess I’m just _ **way** _ better at it than I even imagined… ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/54 "2013-07-13T23:23:20Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > And I guess I’m just _ **way** _ better at it than I even imagined… Well, I live clear across the US from you and I’ve heard only rave reviews… ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/55 "2013-07-13T23:49:30Z")
I blame MILF porn. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2013, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/56 "2013-07-14T00:58:58Z")
Probably could have saved 10 bucks… ---
**Author:** ![antonio107](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ea924/32.png) [@antonio107](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/antonio107)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/57 "2013-07-14T17:08:49Z")
So why didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/58 "2013-07-14T17:13:41Z")
You probably shouldn’t give prescription medication away and there’s probably a reason he ran out between scrips. My opinion is my cite, but I think the kind of people that pass around pills like they’re candy are also the kind of people that aren’t too hard to get casual sex from. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2013, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/59 "2013-07-14T18:08:53Z")
Oh God I hope that’s not true, because otherwise I need to go have THE TALK with my mom. She gets prescribed all sorts of stuff that she has no intention of ever taking, and then passes it out to anyone it might be somewhat applicable to so “it doesn’t go to waste.” I’ve not managed to convince her yet that she doesn’t need to fill the script if she’s not interested in taking it. Damn, I really don’t want to tell my mom about diaphragms. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247/60 "2013-07-14T18:30:20Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > You probably shouldn’t give prescription medication away and there’s probably a reason he ran out between scrips. My opinion is my cite, but I think the kind of people that pass around pills like they’re candy are also the kind of people that aren’t too hard to get casual sex from. You lead a very sheltered life, don’t you Bob? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/umm-gosh-no-i-dont-actually-want-to-suck-your-cock-but-thanks-for-asking/663247.md?page=4)