# Unanticipated hazards of being a costumed vigilante **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 1, 2004, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101 "2004-10-01T21:35:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/41 "2011-04-05T18:48:31Z")
> [@gilligan](#): > > making mr. Blackwell’s worst dressed list because capes are so out this season. NO CAPES! a ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/42 "2011-04-05T18:56:03Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > The tell-all book(s) by your former sidekick(s) and arch-nemesis)es) name names and include pictures. You find out the hard way what was on those old developed spools of film you never got around to developing. This won’t be a problem, because no one will ever be able to write an accurate memoir about you - every two years or so, you will discover that whatever you knew about your personal history was entirely wrong, and that you have a completely different backstory. At around the same time your powers will change significantly, and you will feel the compulsion to adopt a new costume and superhero name. Also, you’ll have to get a new civilian job and a completely new circle of friends. Every ten years or so, you and all the superheroes in your universe will have to team up and fight an apocalyptic force that threatens the very fabric of time & space itself. You’ll triumph, but you may be erased from history - only to be reinstated into existence a few years down the road. Even if you escape this fate, in the aftermath of this big event, everything will be completely different and you will have barely sorted out all the changes before the next big “crisis” occurs. Female super-heroes: the foremost hazard, above & beyond all else, will be dealing with the constant danger of hypothermia during the winter months (given that your costume will be pretty much a thong bikini.) The second-most danger will be from possible eruptions of the enormous silicone breast implants that you will be obliged to have. Inevitably though, you be killed and stuffed into a refridgerator. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/43 "2011-04-05T19:16:10Z")
Crotch stink. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/44 "2011-04-05T19:25:47Z")
> [@Hunter\_Hawk](#): > > Aha! I _finally_ get a good reason to recommend one of my favorite books ever: [How to be a Superhero](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1561630519/qid=1096685825/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-4733101-0656145?v=glance&s=books). Unfortunately, it seems to be out of print, with used copies hideously expensive. When I checked, it was the new copies that were expensive. The used ones [started at $1.58.](http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1561630519/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&qid=1096685825&sr=1-1&condition=used) (May change if people start ordering them.) ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/45 "2011-04-05T20:16:38Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Anyone who finds out your security identity can blackmail you for the rest of your life. To quote _The Dark Knight_: “So let me get this straight. You believe that your client, one of the richest and most influential men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who goes out at night and beats criminals to a pulp with his bare hands… and your plan is to blackmail this person? Good luck.” ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/46 "2011-04-05T21:02:29Z")
Lack of sleep. Your friends will think you have mono. Boredom. Crime announced over a police ABP is already being taken care of and staking out a particular street corner for muggers takes time. A lot of time. Sure the comics make it look like crime fighting is non stop but then wildlife documentaries never show the 4 months the camera man spent in a camouflaged tent covered in moose sent. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/47 "2011-04-05T21:02:51Z")
Totally not in the spirit of the thread, I don’t think that it can last,but I think that it makes the world a more interesting place. And if it prevents just one crime taking place? Then its done some good. And if it makes just one eccentric enjoy their lives a little more … Then good for them. If we were all sensible what a dull,grey place this would be. Want a dull drab life,then do the sensible thing. But don’t brag about it. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/48 "2011-04-05T22:11:06Z")
Most people don’t understand how difficult banter is during intense periods of action. Spiderman makes it look easy, but there’s just no way to get off a witty one-liner every punch when surrounded by bad guys. For example, in the current issue of Marvel Adventures Spider-Man(their young adult line) he drops into a gang hideout and says, within a real life second, “Who ordered the foot to the face?” And then “Anything under thirty bruises and it’s free!” The sad reality is that while the ability to mix humor and heroics is a huge draw for the costumed vigilante wanna-be, it’s nearly impossible in practice. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/49 "2011-04-05T22:47:37Z")
> [@Don\_Draper](#): > > Female super-heroes: the foremost hazard, above & beyond all else, will be dealing with the constant danger of hypothermia during the winter months (given that your costume will be pretty much a thong bikini.) Consider becoming evil, at least for the winter months - you will get to put on a lot of tight black leather, instead. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/50 "2011-04-05T22:51:11Z")
Not being able to tell anyone how awesome you are. If I was Batman I don’t know how I wouldn’t be blurting out, especially to hot chicks, “Yeah, that was me. I’m Batman” because I would be doing that ALL THE TIME. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/51 "2011-04-06T01:06:23Z")
Making up a super-cool name for your hero persona, only to have everyone refer to you by the insulting name the tabloid press came up with. For example, you decided that Dark Hadron would be cool but after your first appearence rescuing hostages being held in a sandwhich shop, everyone calls you The Meatball Hero. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/52 "2011-04-06T01:18:14Z")
There’s gonna be guys running around in costumes that look just as real as yours (have you seen cosplay these days?) doing stupid things, and there’s no way to prove that it wasn’t you. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/53 "2011-04-06T01:26:59Z")
> [@Flander](#): > > I think a big one would be having to keep the crappy minimum wage job your “real” self has in order to pay the bills while your arch nemesis is most certainly some multi-billionaire trust fund baby. I’d give up being a superhero in a heartbeat if it meant that after fighting evildoers, I had to come back and work at fucking McDonalds all day! All the great evil people are rich. I’d be evil just for the fat payday. Just turning evil doesn’t get you a trust fund. For that you need some influence on someone who already has money. ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/54 "2011-04-06T16:02:25Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > When I checked, it was the new copies that were expensive. The used ones [started at $1.58.](http://www.amazon.com/gp/offer-listing/1561630519/ref=dp_olp_used?ie=UTF8&qid=1096685825&sr=1-1&condition=used) Prices can change over six and half years, yes. Maybe there was another new print run. Or two. Or eight. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/55 "2011-04-06T16:41:11Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > While patrolling The City from your vantage point on the rooftops, you trip over your cape and become street pizza on the sidewalk. > [@Edna Mode](#): > > No capes! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/56 "2011-04-06T17:00:12Z")
Females: backaches from those enormous boobs, requiring a super-expensive, custom made bulletproof bra. Sewing cotton panels in the crotch of your spandex leotard to try to avoid yeast infections. When you’re pregnant, weary of others speculating if your offspring is going to inherit your super powers. (For Sue Richards, weary of others speculating just HOW fantastic Mr. Fantastic is, wink wink.) When you have a kid and he or she grows up, he or she will refuse to follow in your footsteps, insists on becoming an accountant or McDonald’s franchisee. (Boy, this is depressing. Just like ordinary females, all anyone is really interested in is teh sexxy bits, and reproduction.) ---
**Author:** ![A.Gwilliam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@A.Gwilliam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.Gwilliam)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/57 "2011-04-06T17:17:47Z")
I observed another difficulty in today’s beautiful sunny and warm weather here: a builder walking along, with his overalls unbuttoned down the front, revealing his “Superman” logo on the next layer. Hopefully Lex Luthor doesn’t frequent the eastern suburbs of London… :eek: (Mind you, his real life disguise was much more convincing than that “Clark Kent” persona he’s shown to adopt in the screen adaptations of his life. Anyone would’ve thought he was in fact a slightly unfit bloke in his fifties…!) ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/58 "2011-04-06T17:57:56Z")
> [@Don\_Draper](#): > > Female super-heroes: the foremost hazard, above & beyond all else, will be dealing with the constant danger of hypothermia during the winter months (given that your costume will be pretty much a thong bikini.) > [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > Consider becoming evil, at least for the winter months - you will get to put on a lot of tight black leather, instead. On further consideration, make sure to leave yourself an out to become good again, in case your “evil” costume includes extremely uncomfortable spiky metal bits. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/59 "2011-04-06T21:19:53Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Females: backaches from those enormous boobs, requiring a super-expensive, custom made bulletproof bra. Sewing cotton panels in the crotch of your spandex leotard to try to avoid yeast infections. When you’re pregnant, weary of others speculating if your offspring is going to inherit your super powers. (For Sue Richards, weary of others speculating just HOW fantastic Mr. Fantastic is, wink wink.) When you have a kid and he or she grows up, he or she will refuse to follow in your footsteps, insists on becoming an accountant or McDonald’s franchisee. (Boy, this is depressing. Just like ordinary females, all anyone is really interested in is teh sexxy bits, and reproduction.) That all superheroines have huge boobs is in fact a somewhat recent development. There used to be quite a range. Wonder Woman, earlier in her history, was sometimes criticized as being not what boys liked. Even as recently as the 70s & 80s, things were more reasonable. Consider these three pictures of George Perez’s original 3 female New Teen Titans: [Raven](http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/2532/148528-68577-raven.jpg) [Wonder Girl](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cR55jdlV69g/TW6RlqGRteI/AAAAAAAAHMU/1ZxlEj2KhDQ/s400/wondergirlmod.jpg) [Starfire](http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l4f5xrqKAY1qc7r93o1_400.jpg) One fairly small bosom, one about average, one larger than average but not ridiculous. I get the feeling that Perez, unlike, say, [Rob goddamn Liefeld](http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/rob-liefeld-covers/18-7.jpg), actually dated someone in high school other than his palm. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101/60 "2011-04-07T00:49:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That all superheroines have huge boobs is in fact a somewhat recent development. There used to be quite a range. Wonder Woman, earlier in her history, was sometimes criticized as being not what boys liked. In fact the famous “Comic Code Authority” used to mandate that “Females shall be drawn realistically without exaggeration of any physical qualities.” In part this was a response to the out of control growth (heh!) of such heroines as the original Phantom Lady, who’s bustiness and skimpy costume would not be emulated again until the 1980s. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unanticipated-hazards-of-being-a-costumed-vigilante/267101.md?page=4)