# UncleBeer Spiked My Monkey - Chicago minutes.....(Linked! Don't Delete!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2000, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157 "2000-05-22T03:12:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Valerieblaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Valerieblaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valerieblaise)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2000, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/41 "2000-05-24T21:11:01Z")
Yep Falc, Sassy will be online tonight. She actually got home late last night, but she had to work today so she didn’t have time to post. You know, I was just IM’ing with Flypide and he won’t tell me what I admitted during “I Never.” I don’t remember much of it, and he’s torturing me. Ugh. Now I wish I had taken notes. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/42 "2000-05-25T02:15:57Z")
Valerie…I don’t remember ALL the specifics. I _do_ remember Flyp saying at one point he needed to hang out with you more often for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/43 "2000-05-25T02:29:36Z")
Hey, Falc, nice job getting those up so quick! My roll is black & white, so I process it myself. Should have em by Monday. Of course, that means I can enlarge and work with certain shiny white areas to bring out more, uh, detail. Heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/44 "2000-05-25T04:28:32Z")
> [@](#): > > that means I can enlarge and work with certain shiny white areas to bring out more, uh, detail. Oh man, I can hardly wait. 🙂 Somehow I missed the Omni-swingin’-free-in-a-grass-skirt-bit. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/45 "2000-05-25T05:18:06Z")
Woohoo!!! Elelle’s Monday, and Max told me he’ll have his back on Saturday. Including such highlights as Valerie and I trying to keep Flyp from leaving, and UncleBeer reaching for Omni’s monkey. _snicker_ ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/46 "2000-05-25T11:24:39Z")
Well, since Jophiel stood me up and I’d already seen his ass, I figgered a little monkey spankin’ with Omni wouldn’t be out of the question. But what I really want to know is what Gaudere did all night in that hotel room with three men. Who has the pictures of that? ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/47 "2000-05-25T12:16:52Z")
I’d tell you Unc, but I spent a good part of the night in a small crack. ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/48 "2000-05-25T13:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > Valerie… I _do_ remember Flyp saying at one point he needed to hang out with you more often for some reason. For the _adventure_ of the whole thing, if nothing else. VB’s just such a… _free spirit_. Or greedy, depending on whose terminology you’re using. > [@](#): > > Including such highlights as Valerie and I trying to keep Flyp from leaving Read “Chinese Ankle Puzzle”. And I just remembered how Andy introduced himself to me: “Hey Flyp. Fuck off.” God, I love Dopers. ---
**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/49 "2000-05-25T14:16:34Z")
Just had to tell you all, after reading all of this and the “Things I Learned” thread, I wish I had been there! ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/50 "2000-05-25T14:31:01Z")
> [@](#): > > I’d tell you Unc, but I spent a good part of the night in a small crack. Sounds like the boys were having a little guys-only fun. If I’d known you swung that way, Android, I would have been perfectly happy to let you three boys cuddle together… ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/51 "2000-05-25T15:59:05Z")
Sigh… Note to self. Never and I mean **never** go to another doper meeting without your own camera. ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/52 "2000-05-25T16:05:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Never and I mean never go to another doper meeting without your own camera. Say it with me, UncleB-“leverage”. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/53 "2000-05-25T16:34:13Z")
Or, just don’t get caught by a camera. 🙂 (Then again, I don’t THINK I did anything I should regret…) ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2000, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/54 "2000-05-25T22:22:51Z")
And practice, practice, practice stating in a very clear, very calm voice to your husband as to why you have a picture of a man’s ass. ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/55 "2000-05-26T03:06:15Z")
Okay – time to report what I can decipher from my notes! We started on Friday night, meeting for dinner. We went to a local place, driven by the charming shuttle fellow from the hotel. Valerie made arrangements with him to drive our group the next night (little did he know what lay in wait… bwahaha!) Dinner was pleasant and we were all getting acquainted and catching up. We were about ready to leave when Omni arrived and decreed there would be drinking. So it was said, so it was. One drink at the bar, and then a stop on the way home for more supplies. Back at the hotel, it was determined that I was the only actual guest who had a smoking room – so that’s where we went. Omni was being his boisterous self, or as Valerie phrased it “the designated jackass.” He seemed to take that as a compliment! The choices in drinks were minimal. I had succumbed to something called “Raspberry Merlot”, which turned out to taste much like Hawaiian Punch. Elelle did a test, and commented “it’s got that bog ol’ family-style bouquet.” It did the job, though – we had to point out to her later that it would pour better with the top off. Stories of college and roommates were shared. A favorite was when Valerie told of us about the gal who would get up early and go to have “a healthy, nutritious Wisconsin-ass breakfast.” Alphagene told us of his rooms only decoration: a larger than life Sharon Stone poster. I should probably leave nameless the person who exclaimed: “I could masturbate to that!” (Donations to help mu conscience are always accepted.) A funny moment was when elelle told Omni “you’re pretty lucid” after most of the booze was gone! Eventually most people left, except for the other two unescorted redheads (Falcon was working on the “cutest couple” award, and we all forgave her!) We turned out to have more in common than could reasonably have been expected! It was late when I tossed them out, and they proceeded to have a slumber party that lasted most of the night. (No, I don’t have details…) “Morning and evening was the second day.” I got up late, but found elelle and Cristi in the lobby, getting ready to go into the city. As we were leaving, we were approached by a vision in creative hair and bright colors: Rubes, sans Mohawk! He joined us for the trip and, as he reported, learned a great deal hanging out with three redheads for an afternoon. Actually, I have to commend his patience with us. We were looking for Buddy Guy’s club, but found the House of Blues instead. We found the Redhead Piano Bar, and had to stop for photos. I hope they come out… especially my pose with the signs: “the redhead opens at 7pm nightly.” “Proper attire required.” It was at this point I was declared the alpha redhead, a position I am proud to hold! The traffic cone that matched Rubes pants was another shot we could not let go by. Back to the hotel for some “power primping” to get ready for the official gathering. While we waited for the shuttle, elelle told me Omni had just said “I’m a little drunk.” He was ahead of the rest of us! Valerie was organizing us, so that someone would keep track of the time we wanted to return. Flypside had a watch and said he would take care of it. Omni chimed in, saying he would take care of timekeeping. Flyp responded “what are you gonna do? Steal my watch?” Getting everyone in the van was a trick, and we resorted to using the truck space. Sucellus was the perfect gentleman, asking Valerie “would you like the tire?” The bar has been described; perfect Hawaiian cheesy. The waitress or, as Inertia called her, “the drink Nazi” was very old, possessive of her menus and dressed in the definitive muumuu. Elelle decided when she was older she would come back and work there – the perfect job. Even with a seven-page drink menu, Inertia had to make a special request, writing it on a napkin for the bartender. We discussed the worst things we’ve had to drink, and elelle won hands down when Flypside reacted “I’ll set myself on fire any day, but I wont drink a tuna daiquiri.” When we noted that there was no room for dancing, Cristi said, “Maybe we should just stick to lap dancing.” The idea was accepted by acclamation! The lamps in the place gave us a whole new perspective on “blue balls” and caused more than one injury. Some of the drinks came in fancy glasses, the favorite being what we call “the puking idol.” Even though Kat drank the same thing all night, the waitress never seemed to connect the two. The waitress also came up with beer she couldn’t recall who ordered. Uncle Beer to the rescue: “I will drink one if you have a spare.” Inertia caught some other patron scratching, leading to a lecture on butts as a whole (pun unavoidable.) As he put it, he’s “very butt-centric.” He failed to live up to the task of representing the south, which lead to Android singing “Okie from Muskogee” – a mixture of form and accent not often heard. Inertia responded with “American Pie”, but desisted when people threw money. Back at the hotel, Valerie was prepared with lots of drinks and we settled in for some real fun. Android gave awards. Valerie has “the best cleavage I’ve seen in the US.” Best hair went to elelle, Frat boy of the night to Omni, best footwear to Rubes (bright blue boots) and BeefyMeg got best pants for her leopard skin. Rubes suggested she tack them on the wall as an example to the rest, leading to “best try at getting a woman’s pants off.” Some varied comments from the game of “I Never…” “This is getting a little homoerotic… even for me” Alphagene “Oral sex counts” “Trust me, I’m a doctor” Alphagene “I have a wavy bikini line” MaxTorque “Does the other person include animals?” “the triumvirate” defining sex “I’m sorry. I’m being a lawyer” Random “I’d sell my own leg to experience that.” Flypside “You’ve got good teeth for a lesbian.” “That’s bigger than the lesbian stuff.” Max, on finding that Random had once purchased a Kenny G album. “Let’s get midgets and helicopters in there.” Gaudere “I love Barry Manilow” Alphagene – which lead to the whole room bursting into ‘Copacabana.’ Alpha’s next comment was: “I think we can safely say we are all Caucasian here.” “Feel your freedom!” Gaudere to those who always wear underwear. “I’m not worthy” Android bows to the redheads. “It’s time for an Inertia moment.” Falcon “You sat on the Bible. Are you happy now?” Omni to Falcon “You didn’t fart on the good book?” Alphagene **Spontaneous Kumbaya** 1 Omni 3:16 – “for the lesbians are good.” “It’s because you are so smurfalicious.” Inertia to Omni **Inertia shows his ass** “If this had been an actual ass…” Alphagene **Android spits on the Gibbionites** “I’m sorry. Is my cleavage in the way?” Cristi “You are totally not worth the rug burns.” Valerie **Omni in the grass skirt. Omni shows his ass** **Uncle Beer in the grass skirt. Uncle Beer does the hula** “Let’s get some broads in it” Best gratuitous use of the word ‘broads’ to Alphagene So, that’s what I got. Only what I heard and what amused me that night. I apologize to those sitting too far away to be included. Or are you the lucky ones? ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/56 "2000-05-26T04:07:40Z")
“it’s got that big ol’ family-style bouquet.” ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/57 "2000-05-26T13:56:39Z")
Thank you Sassy…I just spit out my tea across my monitor. Wonderful job note-taking, and I hope the pictures come out too! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2000, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/58 "2000-05-26T23:02:24Z")
:::kneeling before the Alpha redhead::: I knew you were taking notes, but damn, I had no idea you had gotten that much! Nice job! The “I Never” notes are hysterical. And true! Hey, my pics are up on Falcon’s site, Sassy. There’a a great one of you, me, and elelle in front of the Redhead Piano Bar. But I too am waiting anxiously for elelle’s photo of you with that sign between your legs. Oh, I got one of Omni’s ass, too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/59 "2000-05-27T02:36:35Z")
Yep, I have some pics up, and supposedly will have Max’s and elelle’s soon. And thanks for understanding about the “cutest couple”…even if elelle DID say she wanted to throw up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2000, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157/60 "2000-05-27T03:48:21Z")
I am sooo proud to have won the Best Hair award, what with the strenous redheaded competition, and under duress of burning a good third off at a cursed party the fortnight before… Android, I want my damn tiara ! Before you leave the country. I’d like to add; just because your fancy drink comes in a Puking Idol glass doesn’t mean it’s not the most vile thang you’ve ever quaffed, even beyond a tuna dacquiri. I felt I was owed the glass at least. NOTE: Always carry a backpack to Doper gatherings. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unclebeer-spiked-my-monkey-chicago-minutes-linked-dont-delete/20157.md?page=4)