# Under-used aphorisms and proverbs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2007, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946 "2007-12-14T02:08:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/1 "2007-12-14T02:08:16Z")
When I was growing up, and something turned out badly—say, I crashed my bike—I would do what kids always do: I’d make an excuse. I’d probably say something along the lines of “But, if that dog hadn’t run out in the street, I wouldn’t have crashed.” My father, the sage that he is, would almost invariably reply, “Well, if a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his ass.” For years, I thought my dad had coined that expression. I have never heard anyone else use it. I adopted it, though, and I use it whenever a little stoicism is called for. “If I hadn’t got sick, I would have got the project done on time.” “Well, if a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his ass.” Turns out, Dad didn’t coin that proverb. For some reason, I googled it one day. It’s out there, just not among the superstars like “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” That’s what I’m looking for—the B-list of proverbs, the supporting cast of aphorisms. Maybe they’re regional, or maybe just fading with an older generation. The sayings that should have hit the big time. So, whaddya got? ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/2 "2007-12-14T02:11:31Z")
If a cat has kittens in the oven, that doesn’t make them biscuits. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/3 "2007-12-14T02:24:51Z")
Don’t blame God for creating the tiger, thank him for not giving it wings. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/4 "2007-12-14T02:32:16Z")
Holy crap! My father used that same expression! I thought his grandfather (whom he adored and I never got to know) made that up. “If ‘ands’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts we’d all have a very merry Christmas!” From my grandmother, may she rest in peace. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/5 "2007-12-14T02:47:36Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Holy crap! My father used that same expression! I thought his grandfather (whom he adored and I never got to know) made that up. “If ‘ands’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts we’d all have a very merry Christmas!” From my grandmother, may she rest in peace. [/QUOTE] Did your dad also say: “That’s why they make chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla”? Sure, anybody can pull out the old “There’s no accounting for taste.” But there’s more poetry in “That’s why they make chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla.” ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/6 "2007-12-14T02:50:15Z")
Not quite on topic, but I love it when my mom says “I don’t give a tinker’s damn about [whatever].” ---
**Author:** ![DudleyGarrett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DudleyGarrett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DudleyGarrett)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/7 "2007-12-14T02:50:31Z")
“If my aunt had balls, she’d be my uncle!” ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/8 "2007-12-14T03:34:47Z")
[QUOTE=Speaker for the Dead] Not quite on topic, but I love it when my mom says “I don’t give a tinker’s damn about [whatever].” [/QUOTE] My father actually explained this one to me. It’s in Olde English expression. Tinkers were tinsmiths, and when they repaired a crack or hole in a pot or kettle, they’d solder it (or braize it) with a mixture of copper and tin – bronze, actually. And to hold the molten metal in place while it cooled, they’d make a dam (out of lead and tin, I think) around the broken area. That was a “tinke’s dam”. And because it was made out of cheap metal, it wasn’t worth much. Is any of this right? ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/9 "2007-12-14T03:49:16Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] My father actually explained this one to me. It’s in Olde English expression. Tinkers were tinsmiths, and when they repaired a crack or hole in a pot or kettle, they’d solder it (or braize it) with a mixture of copper and tin – bronze, actually. And to hold the molten metal in place while it cooled, they’d make a dam (out of lead and tin, I think) around the broken area. That was a “tinke’s dam”. And because it was made out of cheap metal, it wasn’t worth much. Is any of this right? [/QUOTE] Yep. That’s the [etymology](http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/27/messages/292.html) I learned years back. (I believe, in fact it was from an _cough_Imponderables_cough_ book by David Feldman. _Ahem__Who Put The Butter In Butterfly?_ I believe, since that was his only etymological volume. And before you ask, it was long before I discovered the Dope. :D) ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/10 "2007-12-14T04:17:40Z")
“Tinker’s dam” is a matter of dispute. The phrase “Not worth a dam” dates from the 18th Century, but “Not worth a tinker’s dam” dates from the 19th. On that basis, it seems that they just added “tinker” to an existing phrase. Mirriam Webster says it probably comes from a tinker’s reputation for blasphemy. In addition, [wordorigins.org](http://www.wordorigins.org/index.php/more/544/) has a phrase “tinker’s curse” predating “tinker’s damn” (used by Thoreau). Since the change to “tinker’s dam” comes later, it could easily been Victorian squeamishness. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/11 "2007-12-14T04:52:59Z")
I usually get a giggle when I tell someone they are “kicking an open door”…it’s a literal translation of a pretty common german expression meaning preaching to the faithful (or choir). I have had to explain “carrying coal to Newcastle” several times. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/12 "2007-12-14T05:02:50Z")
My dad used to say “even a blind hog gets an acorn once in a while.” I never heard anyone else say it. ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/13 "2007-12-14T05:05:30Z")
'Half a gram is better than a damn." -Aldous Huxley ‘Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.’ -Ogden Nash ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/14 "2007-12-14T05:08:13Z")
I always liked “Shit or get off the pot.” Ahh, my dad. How you’ve warped me. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/15 "2007-12-14T05:08:22Z")
Here’s one from _Don Quixote_ that tickled me, owing to the contrast between its casual use and its offensiveness (and as a historical artifact): “…no truer than the miracles of Mohammed.” ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/16 "2007-12-14T06:13:14Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > I have had to explain “carrying coal to Newcastle” several times. Care to explain it once more? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/17 "2007-12-14T06:25:43Z")
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect] Care to explain it once more? [/QUOTE] I’m guessing it’s about how Newcastle used to export a lot of coal? So it’s a bit like selling ice to eskimos or shipping sand to the Sahara? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/18 "2007-12-14T06:28:39Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] “If ‘ands’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts we’d all have a very merry Christmas!” From my grandmother, may she rest in peace. [/QUOTE] So that’s the ending to that old chestnut. Homer said it on an episode of “The Simpsons”–but only the first part, the part up to “candy and nuts.” ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/19 "2007-12-14T06:35:55Z")
[QUOTE=Peak Banana] I’m guessing it’s about how Newcastle used to export a lot of coal? So it’s a bit like selling ice to eskimos or shipping sand to the Sahara? [/QUOTE] It’s like shipping beer to Milwaukee. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/20 "2007-12-14T11:00:18Z")
[QUOTE=Sunrazor] Holy crap! My father used that same expression! I thought his grandfather (whom he adored and I never got to know) made that up. “If ‘ands’ and ‘buts’ were candy and nuts we’d all have a very merry Christmas!” From my grandmother, may she rest in peace. [/QUOTE] Similarly, “if ‘ifs’ and ‘ans’ were pots and pans, there’d be no need for tinkers”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946.md?page=2)