# Under-used aphorisms and proverbs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2007, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946 "2007-12-14T02:08:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/61 "2007-12-14T20:31:05Z")
Only “aphorism” coming to mind is from my buddy: _You can’t polish a turd._ Or maybe _If the dog hadn’t stopped to take a shit, it would have caught the rabbit._ Stretching the definition, my mom used to say: _We’re off like a herd of turtles._ I also always heard/said it as _Tits on a bull._ _Even a blind pig…_ is quite common among golfers following a nice shot. And the way I heard it from our HS track coach, who taught us how to play poker, _If you if in one hand and shit in the other, which gets filled up first?_ I’d be surprised if a month goes by without me using just about all of those. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/62 "2007-12-14T20:39:25Z")
My freshman (HS) history teacher liked “Kids, you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit.” I think he was referring to his difficulty in educating us. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/63 "2007-12-14T20:47:48Z")
[QUOTE=Kevbo] I have had to explain “carrying coal to Newcastle” several times. [/QUOTE] Oddly enough, the government-owned railways in New South Wales make practically all their profit in carrying coal to Newcastle. The coal is mined inland, and mostly carried by rail to Newcastle, which is the largest cial port (by tonnage) in the world. Of course, the coal seams were first discovered and mined at Newcastle, and hence the town was named after Newcastle-upon-Tyne. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/64 "2007-12-14T20:57:28Z")
Don’t shit where you eat. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/65 "2007-12-14T22:41:16Z")
Another version of the “blind pig” one is “Even a broken clock is right twice a day,” although I now differentiate between analog and digital clocks since broken analog clocks are accurate twice as often as digital ones. I’ve always been partial to “if wishes were fishes we all would cast nets” and “if wishes were horses then beggars would ride,” those are great when shopping with kids. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/66 "2007-12-14T22:49:08Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] Speaking of coal to Newcastle, wasn’t there some guy who was given deliberately bad advice to do just that, and ended up making a mint off that shipment, because his shipment arrived in the middle of a miner’s strike? [/QUOTE] [Wikipedia agrees.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selling_coal_to_Newcastle) (Yes, there is an article on absolutely everything.) ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/67 "2007-12-14T22:53:45Z")
[QUOTE=GorillaMan] [Wikipedia agrees.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selling_coal_to_Newcastle) (Yes, there is an article on absolutely everything.) [/QUOTE] Good grief. I really didn’t think I’d be able to find a cite for that with my Google-fu, rather that it was going to take a Doper who knew the details enough tofine tune a search to find it for me. I am embarassed to have failed to even try Wikipedia. Maybe next time I’ll remember. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/68 "2007-12-14T22:59:14Z")
Heh heh…I have the Firefox search box set to Wikipedia most of the time! ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/69 "2007-12-15T01:15:44Z")
[QUOTE=Great Dave] “He’s so lucky, he could shit in a swinging bucket.” [/QUOTE] A trucker I knew many years ago: “I’m so damn unlucky if I fell in a bucket of tits, I’d come up suckin’ my thumb!” ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/70 "2007-12-15T02:21:16Z")
“A farting horse will never tire. A farting man is the one to hire.” Please keep this in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/71 "2007-12-15T02:39:22Z")
[QUOTE=Fetchund] “Boys never make passes at girls who wear glasses” [/QUOTE] This one needs to be immediately retired and replaced wholesale with the more appropriate “girls in glasses have magnificent asses”. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/72 "2007-12-15T15:16:17Z")
I couldn’t believe it when I actually used one last night. Talking with my daughter she said, “What should I do?” to which I responded “Spit in your shoe.” Thanks mom! I believe the longer version goes: What shall I do Spit in my shoe Stir it up And give it to you. ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/73 "2007-12-15T16:39:13Z")
My mom also used to say “useless as tits on a boar.” She also employed the phrase, “‘Every little bit counts,’ said the old woman as she peed in the sea.” ---
**Author:** ![Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Bambi\_Hassenpfeffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bambi_Hassenpfeffer)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/74 "2007-12-15T17:24:52Z")
A classic from my mother: “Well shit fire and save matches!” ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/75 "2007-12-16T13:36:52Z")
A livepool saying,just because the tyres have India written on them it doesn’t mean that the busses run there. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/76 "2007-12-16T18:28:10Z")
[QUOTE=mikemo] “Boar hog” just sounds redundant to me. … [/QUOTE] Not completely, it gives the phrase a nicer rhythm. Besides, it shows the boar is grown. A cowboy I know was on a camping trip with a pal who had put on weight. Tom told him, “You’re just like a little boar pig. All you do is eat and shit.” The little guy was peeved all week about that. I love to twist proverbs and patch together part of one and half of another. “If beggars were choosers, then horses could ride.” A gal who had grown up in a Polish neighborhood translated a Pole insult, “Go piss in the ocean!” Don’t count your chickens in one basket. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/77 "2007-12-16T19:03:14Z")
“He took the express train through childhood.” - said of someone who is inconsiderate or immature and seems to have bypassed some of the necessary growing-up lessons. ---
**Author:** ![diggleblop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@diggleblop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggleblop)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2007, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/78 "2007-12-16T19:10:19Z")
I always use the one that has to do with a man cheating on his wife with a prostitute. \*“Why go out and buy milk when you got a cow at home?” \* ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2007, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/79 "2007-12-17T09:16:07Z")
“People make mistakes. That’s why pencils have erasers.” Although nowadays I say “That’s why there’s a backspace key.” ---
**Author:** ![Carson\_O\_Genic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Carson\_O\_Genic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carson_O_Genic)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2007, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946/80 "2007-12-17T12:41:04Z")
Better than a limp dick. (meaning a good thing,superlative)Because you can’t beat it. BTW,hogs eat not only acorns and truffles,they eat everything. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/under-used-aphorisms-and-proverbs/429946.md?page=5)