# Unforgettable, hi-larious quotes from RIGHT HERE! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2001, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280 "2001-08-14T22:49:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2001, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/1 "2001-08-14T22:49:05Z")
One of the things I like best about this place is the high level of wit. Another is the occasional low level of wit. In other words, I like that you guys make me laugh my ass off. 🙂 So what are the funniest remarks or bon mots you’ve read? Three of my favorites, and apologies if I screw them up in the paraphrasing: “Can I get sour cream and guacamole on my Jesus?” – PLDENNISON, puzzling over a “Yo Quiero Jesus” bumpersticker “Girl, you don’t need somebody who gets drunk and says things like ‘I am the ass master’, unless he’s currently running the tourist Donkey Ride franchise at the Giza pyramids.” – DUCKDUCKGOOSE, responding to the revelation by a younger Doper that her boyfriend referred to himself as The Assmaster. “I’m on the Scarsdale Diet. If I open the refrigerator, Jean Harris shoots me.” – EVE So, post yer favorites. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2001, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/2 "2001-08-14T23:58:58Z")
From the recently resurrected thread about Elton John’s “Levon”: “Voguevixen, you make a good case for a very youthful Jesus.” - **Libertarian** Just made me giggle! (I’m sorta glad that thread got bumped back up again, I enjoyed rereading it, and thought my own post was sorta “deep.”) ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/3 "2001-08-15T00:22:39Z")
One interesting thread involved abusrd, Grampa Simpson-style long stories that tended to go nowhere. Mine involved me being frozen in a cryogenic chamber for most of the 1970s that had a Pac-Man machine built over it, and then my successful career in show business. I claimed that, like Jay Ward and Bill Scott (Bullwinkle, et al.) did, I did not use my real name and went by “Ponsonby Britt.” This let someone to comment: > [@](#): > > I know you- weren’t you named “Most Likely to Have His Name Exploded on Television” in your high school yearbook? Now the way that is phrased, it just made me laugh out loud. Then there are the times I misread something in my mind, and it makes me laugh unintentionally. Someone said that they had an argument with a friend about the implied race of Mrs. Butterworth- I confused “race” with “sex,” and water all over the desk. ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/4 "2001-08-15T02:22:20Z")
On a discussion about C++ and other programming languages, friedo says about java being too large. He punctated his point by saying, “Want to write a simulation of duck sex? Use the animals.duck.procreation class.” To me that was one of the funniest things I read on the net. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/5 "2001-08-15T04:09:30Z")
‘Do you think there could be a niche market for this? “Ore-Ida Shredded Ass?”’ – CalMeacham, pondering the expression “tastes like ass” ‘Upon reflection, perhaps it means “No, it’s extra if I masterbate into your mocha-latte.”’ – Fenris attempting to decipher the lyrics of “Lady Marmalade” ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/6 "2001-08-15T09:22:29Z")
Someone had/has this as a sig, can’t remember who : “If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no-one there to hear it, do the other trees all point and laugh?” ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/7 "2001-08-15T16:34:15Z")
Ths story in the thread about stupid arguments that almost led to divorce. A guy posted that there was screaming, hurling, breaking of a lamp, over the correct vowel pronunciation of the Raffi kids song “I like to eat apples and bananas.” Since I am familiar with the song I found it hysterical. COuldnt get the song out of my head for days, though. ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/8 "2001-08-15T16:54:14Z")
One great quote is from the production Hair. “Fighting for peace is like f\*\*king for chastity.” From The Simpsons, I like Homer’s response when he sees that the mad scientist, John Finkle, is selling a matter transporter: “Hmmm…so it only transports matter…” Geez, what a smart buyer. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/9 "2001-08-15T17:04:13Z")
Pammipoo started a pit thread about the McDonald’s she worked at burning down. And Finagle answered with: “You want fires with that?” I’m still laughing at that, months later. ---
**Author:** ![monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monster)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/10 "2001-08-15T17:42:00Z")
It’s not really a quote, but when **Eve** mentioned seeing the company name “El Paso Gas”, I laughed so hard. I still grin when I think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/11 "2001-08-15T19:35:10Z")
I’m thinking of asking Lux Fiat if I can use this as my sig: “And I am Jane Goodall, if Jane Goodall drank too much whiskey and referred to her subjects as “the fuckbastards.”” –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/12 "2001-08-15T22:37:43Z")
It seems that I read the thread incorrectly. Sorry. They’re still decent quotes. ---
**Author:** ![Phouchg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Phouchg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phouchg)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/13 "2001-08-15T22:46:38Z")
Lux Fiat wrote “You have won the opportunity to battle your brothers and sisters for your dinner. Report to the dojo.” I don’t know why, but this is the funniest line I have read on the board in months. Congratulations! I peed my pants! Phouchg Lovable Rogue ---
**Author:** ![Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/779978/32.png) [@Zumba\_The\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zumba_The_Cat)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/14 "2001-08-15T22:53:47Z")
Posted by \*\*Miller[\b] a couple of months ago “And as far as raping the enviroment goes, that bitch was asking for it, going around with all those hot natural resources. You know she wanted it. The slut.” ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/15 "2001-08-15T23:18:47Z")
I started a [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=48077) something like this a while back. Here’s my favorite favorite. It’s Ukelele Ike on learning UncleBeer paid for something: He picked up the TAB?!? Hmph. I guess he had a better time with YOU fuckers than he did with us up in Chicago last November. He took a nickel out of his pocket, I swear Jefferson blinked at the bright light. …what, didja have sex with him or something? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2001, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/16 "2001-08-15T23:57:58Z")
“Canterbury Tales would have been so much more interesting to read if it had less Middle English, and more riot police.”[sub]Dave Stewart[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![AwSnappity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a3d4f5/32.png) [@AwSnappity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AwSnappity)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2001, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unforgettable-hi-larious-quotes-from-right-here/76280/17 "2001-08-16T00:08:29Z")
This was posted by **Eve** a few days ago in reply to **Wildest Bill** ’s thread entitled [“I am going to blow people’s minds at my funeral!”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=80870) **Bill** had mistakenly typed “Gotcha Ya” instead of “Gotcha.” _Bill’s corpse: “Gotcha ya!” Bill’s widow: “WHAT did he say?” Friend of Bill: “I think he said ‘Gotcha ya!’” Other FOB: “Why the hell would he say that? You think he meant ‘Gotcha?’” Bill’s widow: “Hmm. I will have to talk to the funeral home about this. I think I want my money back.” Bill’s corpse: “Gotcha ya!”_ I’m still laughing at it.