# Unfortunate names of real people **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 8, 2011, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705 "2011-04-08T19:47:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/202 "2013-01-29T04:20:03Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Seen in Toronto, some years ago: a Thai restaurant with the name “Someporn”. Right next door: an X-rated movie shop. 😃 I think they did that on purpose, because I’ve never seen that name transliterated any way other than Somporn. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/203 "2013-01-29T04:20:04Z")
My oldest son’s intials are O.S. but he came _this_ close to having O.J. (our last name is Simpson :smack: ). We didn’t even notice until my mother mentioned it. The local hospital had a Doctor Death (pronounced Deeth) working there for a while. There were some twins mentioned on the radio a few years back during the ‘todays’ birthdays’ segment called Korben and Leeloo. My ex-brother-in-laws’ brother & wife called their twins [Bo and Hope](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bo_Brady_and_Hope_Williams). ---
**Author:** ![john\_b\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@john\_b\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/john_b_2)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/204 "2013-01-29T10:42:02Z")
I knew a dainty lady who worked (lucky for her) in the publishing business whose real name was Pewella Dick. She was dignified, aristocratic and a lifelong spinster, in looks and manner rather resembled Jessica Tandy. There was a doctor around where I grew up, a psychiatrist no less, with the diabolical name of Lazarus Secunda. I had a cusromer once, a young African-American fellow,–this was some thirty years ago–whose name was, and this was on his credit card: Hitler A. Richards. There was a movie producer a long time back named Orville O. Dull, and based on the films he produced I think it’s fair to say he lived up to his name. ---
**Author:** ![threnodyangelfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@threnodyangelfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/threnodyangelfire)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/205 "2013-01-29T11:25:02Z")
I had an intern last year. Her name? Sandy Puttock. Best name ever. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/206 "2013-01-29T16:40:32Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > [Dr. Bonnie Beaver](http://www.healthgrades.com/directory_search/physician/profiles/dr-md-reports/dr-bonnie-beaver-md-408b04f3). Yes, she’s a gyno. Years ago my dentist told me I needed my first root canal. “I don’t do those. You’ll need to see the root canal dentist.” He then turned to the office manager and said “Set up an appointment for Gwen with Dr. Payne.” So, of doctors Beaver and Payne I must ask, chicken, or egg? ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/207 "2013-01-29T17:28:26Z")
With all due respect, these are more believable (and hence funnier) with some kind of citation. Anybody can say “I went to school with Disgusting Q. Bottomwiper,” but it’s another thing entirely to cite his collected works. In that spirit, I present the notorious criminal [**Oral Suer**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_Suer), which is funny whether you pronounce the last name “Sewer” or “Swear.” Also, I once worked in a firm which listed someone in their phone directory with the [apparently real](https://www.google.com/#hl=en&tbo=d&sclient=psy-ab&q=Pagan-colon&oq=Pagan-colon&gs_l=hp.3..0j0i5i30l2j0i8i30.1320.3571.0.4133.11.11.0.0.0.0.172.1017.9j2.11.0.les%3Bcpsugrerhigh..0.0...1.1.Lyw5Zsal14k&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.41524429,d.dmQ&fp=86adb78287de6c61&biw=1280&bih=863) last name **Pagan-Colon**. It’s probably completely respectable in the Philippines. ---
**Author:** ![EMCEE\_98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5ac83/32.png) [@EMCEE\_98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EMCEE_98)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/208 "2013-01-29T18:01:58Z")
> [@missbunny](#): > > I had an uncle named Harry Dick. > > My grandma’s name was America. > > I met someone today named British Holiday. > > I went to school with two sisters name Luscious and Precious. They had another sister who also had an outlandish name but I’ve forgotten it. ^^Was it “Scrumptious?” Funniest name I ever found long ago whilst getting high and paging through the phonebook: Amanda Cockream. Name of elementary gym teacher’s wife: Ida Boner. My dad went to high school with a kid name Willy Ball. “Will he, or won’t he? All the ladies wanna know!” ---
**Author:** ![EMCEE\_98](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5ac83/32.png) [@EMCEE\_98](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EMCEE_98)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/209 "2013-01-29T18:04:29Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > With all due respect, these are more believable (and hence funnier) with some kind of citation. Anybody can say “I went to school with Disgusting Q. Bottomwiper,” but it’s another thing entirely to cite his collected works. > > In that spirit, I present the notorious criminal [**Oral Suer**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_Suer), which is funny whether you pronounce the last name “Sewer” or “Swear.” > > Also, I once worked in a firm which listed someone in their phone directory with the [apparently real](https://www.google.com/#hl=en&tbo=d&sclient=psy-ab&q=Pagan-colon&oq=Pagan-colon&gs_l=hp.3..0j0i5i30l2j0i8i30.1320.3571.0.4133.11.11.0.0.0.0.172.1017.9j2.11.0.les%3Bcpsugrerhigh..0.0...1.1.Lyw5Zsal14k&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.r_qf.&bvm=bv.41524429,d.dmQ&fp=86adb78287de6c61&biw=1280&bih=863) last name **Pagan-Colon**. It’s probably completely respectable in the Philippines. Along that lines is Angel Pagan, the MLB player. Talk about an oxymoron. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/210 "2013-01-30T00:36:55Z")
I just saw a commercial for some sort of cold spray that’s supposed to shorten your cold. The president of the company’s name: Ted Karkus. Perhaps it shortens more than your cold, yes? ---
**Author:** ![the\_O](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@the\_O](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_O)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/211 "2013-01-30T03:19:44Z")
One of the finest woodworkers I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with must have had some hellish school years. \*\*\*His \*\*\*first name was Beverly and his last name was Horlick. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/212 "2013-01-30T03:31:21Z")
Not embarrassing in a winkwinknudgenudge way like so many here, but we used to bike past an ancient-looking house. There on the mailbox: _ **Kilbourn Klapsaddle** _ We ran home and looked him up in the phone book. Yep, Kilbourn did indeed live there. Well, we’d stake out the house every time we passed by on our way to the comic book store… for a couple of minutes (hey, we had comics to roll up and stuff in our back pockets!). But we never caught a glimpse of him. I still regret not devoting a whole day to a stake out. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/213 "2013-01-30T03:45:20Z")
Jimmy Queer had a crush on me in grade school. There are a whole lot of the family “Queer” in certain parts of Western Pa. One time I had a cab driver whose last name was Flucker. He said he drill sergeants had a ball with that in boot camp. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/214 "2013-01-30T04:11:22Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > One time I had a cab driver whose last name was Flucker. He said he drill sergeants had a ball with that in boot camp. And pity his poor old Mother Flucker. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2013, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/215 "2013-01-30T21:08:15Z")
I just discovered that we have an employee here named Angel Sweat. I always figured that angels _glistened_. ---
**Author:** ![tadtooornamental](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@tadtooornamental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tadtooornamental)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2013, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/216 "2013-02-07T05:48:21Z")
My father’s childhood best friend was Mark Land. Doesn’t seem too bad until you realize that every official form you fill out asks for your last name first. Also, his sister’s name was Candy. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/217 "2013-02-18T08:54:23Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Not embarrassing in a winkwinknudgenudge way like so many here, but we used to bike past an ancient-looking house. > There on the mailbox: > _ **Kilbourn Klapsaddle** _ > > We ran home and looked him up in the phone book. Yep, Kilbourn did indeed live there. > Well, we’d stake out the house every time we passed by on our way to the comic book store… for a couple of minutes (hey, we had comics to roll up and stuff in our back pockets!). But we never caught a glimpse of him. > > I still regret not devoting a whole day to a stake out. Are you sure it wasn’t Clapsaddle with a C? [http://thepomoblog.com/index.php/adieu-fair-phone-book-adieu/](http://thepomoblog.com/index.php/adieu-fair-phone-book-adieu/) (His grandson commented on that article!) ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/218 "2013-02-18T09:26:58Z")
I went to high school with a pair of guys whose last name (which I don’t know how to spell, and I have no idea where my yearbooks are) was a homophone for ‘semen’. Yes, the predictable incredibly mature jokes were made. ---
**Author:** ![owlfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@owlfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlfan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/219 "2013-02-18T13:11:45Z")
I knew a guy with the name of Baumfalk. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/220 "2013-02-18T14:03:51Z")
Our respected owner of a local trucking company is [Harry Bush](http://www.flickr.com/photos/allankcrain/4272391429/). His trucks are frequently an impromptu photo op for our tourists. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705/221 "2013-02-18T14:26:48Z")
Had a friend who’s bosses name was Sandy Semen. Ouch! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfortunate-names-of-real-people/577705.md?page=12)