# Unfriending on FB. Advice. Transgender related. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 23, 2017, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663 "2017-06-23T02:41:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/1 "2017-06-23T02:41:50Z")
At what point do you “unfriend” someone just because you are tired of their particular soapbox that you disagree with but that you don’t see much value in engaging with them over? The particulars is a woman who is pleasant enough in our real life social circumstances, a fellow parent in our travel group 15 years ago to adopt our daughters who were born in China. In most political realms we overlap mostly with her being harder progressive and me a bit more centrist but for whatever reason her particular brand of “feminism” perceives transgender issues, as some sort of affront. More and more of her posts are upset over male-born individuals who identify as women. I don’t have the energy or interest to argue with a zealot whose ignorance is self-imposed and we do interact otherwise pleasantly enough intermittently socially as couples and families. Am I obligated to dispute what I see as ignorant and a bit hateful? My wife long ago unfriended her on FB just because she posts so goddamn much. Do I just unfriend? Do I just skip over unless one of her posts looks like it might be of interest and not ugliness? I’m prone to the latter course but I feel cowardly for not speaking up against her posts more, even though I know I won’t change her perspective. Opinions please. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/2 "2017-06-23T02:45:30Z")
Unfriend her. You have no obligation to stay in contact with anyone on any social media. ---
**Author:** ![PastTense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pasttense/32/14550_2.png) [@PastTense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastTense)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/3 "2017-06-23T02:46:55Z")
You might unfollow her instead of unfriending her: > [@](#): > > Users will not be alerted when you unfollow them, making this the perfect way to filter out unwanted posts without going to the trouble of unfriending, or blocking someone that is annoying you. > **[Facebook adding "unfollow" button so you don't have to unfriend](https://theamericangenius.com/social-media/facebook-adding-unfollow-button-dont-unfriend-annoying-people/)** > > Based on the idea that you don't want to upset someone by unfollowing them, but you do want to ignore their posts, Facebook is finally adding an "unfollow" feature so that person never knows! ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/4 "2017-06-23T02:47:12Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > At what point do you “unfriend” someone just because you are tired of their particular soapbox that you disagree with but that you don’t see much value in engaging with them over?.. I would say the exact moment you realized you were tired of their shit. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/5 "2017-06-23T03:09:12Z")
Just unfollow, you won’t see their posts any longer and they won’t be notified. I have a college friend who I used to work with on campaigns and enjoyed hanging out with, having beers and chatting with. Now, on Facebook, she only post endless Black Lives Matter and anti police rants, most are quite unhinged. No one should have that much time on their hands to post multiple rants per day or to share every highly biased lefty blog story. I unfollowed her, every couple of months I’ll check to see if she’s toned it down. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/6 "2017-06-23T03:15:04Z")
They get one chance. I try to give them one chance now to at least show that they are open to learning. If not, I get rid of them. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/7 "2017-06-23T03:16:23Z")
Why keep up with her? Life is too short and there aren’t any obligations to pretend to be friendly with people who are like that. I don’t do FB anymore but when I was first on, I went through a phase of trying to connect to everyone in my past. No one needs that many “friends.” ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/8 "2017-06-23T03:16:34Z")
Unfollow, for sure. I’ve unfriended a few people whose politics I couldn’t deal with. I still have plenty (well like a half dozen) right wing friends but they’re not off the hook crazy. They sometimes say their weird pro life stuff and whatever. There are some people I don’t want to read opinions from but also don’t want them commenting on my shit and maybe getting into tiffs with my liberal friends. They gotta be unfriended. One person called me out on it. I told her I didn’t want to get angry with her and would rather hold on to my pre-political memories of her. She was upset but I didn’t fight with her. I just said good day. I have liberal friends that post too much, too. They go to far to the left sometimes saying shit that I don’t agree with. And they over post. Ive unfollowed some of them and also used the “see less from this person” option, which doesn’t work as well but slows down their shit a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/9 "2017-06-23T05:34:59Z")
I am almost positive this person was my friend too. If it’s not, they sound strikingly familiar. She has started raging in the past few months over trans women not being true women and talks about how they get to make the choice, so they can’t truly be women because I guess they choose to be “oppressed”? She has an adopted daughter too. She’s always been quite the feminist but lately… wow. And when I asked a question about this she raged at me, so I quickly unfriended her. I don’t have time for that crap. I don’t hold on to anyone I’m not interested in having a conversation with. I don’t need friends that bad! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/10 "2017-06-23T05:42:05Z")
I generally prefer unfollowing for people I still like and interact with in real life, to avoid any awkward questions. (Also relatives.) While they don’t get notified if you unfriend them, they may eventually notice. The next time they post something crappy, click that grey arrow, and choose “Unfollow [name].” It’s up to you if you choose to first rebut what they say. If you do, I suggest politeness and a lot of hedging. Me, I don’t think I could. I’ve never been able to do that with a TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist). ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/11 "2017-06-23T05:46:20Z")
Oh, for people who just post too much, there’s an additional option. Choose “Hide Post” instead, and you’ll get an option “See Less from [Name].” I’ve used that on people who post a lot. Facebook sometimes notices that you’ve talked to someone, and then assumes you want to see every post they make. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/12 "2017-06-23T06:05:22Z")
Yes, I unfollowed a relative over late-onset militant veganism. Not because I like bacon, but over almost every post, multiple times a day. It would be more problematic to unfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/13 "2017-06-23T06:51:53Z")
If this is someone with whom you want to maintain a cordial social relationship, unfollow. If you don’t give a crap about any more contact with her, unfriend. An ex-boss is a darling, kind man, but he has become a weight loss and fitness cheerleader. I’m interested in both those things, but the constant posts telling me to DO IT! And, “Get out there!” As well as all the sugar is evil posts have made him unbearable. I’m so glad for his 200 pound weight loss via gastric bypass, but he’s really pushing people to get it done. His wife had it after he did and she only had about 50 pounds to lose! ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/14 "2017-06-23T11:19:39Z")
Unfollowing is too good for 'em. Unfriend. ---
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/15 "2017-06-23T11:29:49Z")
I unfollow people like my niece who just talk to much. People using Facebook to post ignorance get unfriended. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/16 "2017-06-23T11:38:28Z")
Just unfollow. You can keep your distance but still wish 'em happy birthday once in a while. I have unfollowed a number of people but I think I’ve only unfriended maybe one or two people over 9+ years. I unfriended one guy because he was constantly posting bigoted diatribes. I think social media is bullshit really. I hypocritically continue to use it like everyone else, but I see it for what it is. It creates this illusion of self-importance that really shouldn’t exist. People who are posting random stuff are deluded into thinking people ought to value their opinions, and people who unfriend or otherwise react to these rants are also probably deluded as to their self-importance. I realize nobody gives a shit if I unfriend them unless it’s someone that really, really matters, in which case I’d probably just pick up the phone and ask “WTF?” and talk it out. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/17 "2017-06-23T11:50:12Z")
Those kinds of posts would annoy me too. I agree with those in the thread saying to unfollow her. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/18 "2017-06-23T11:55:07Z")
_Try to remember the kind of Facebook When posts were cool and oh, so mellow. Try to remember the kind of Facebook When rants were rare and few would bellow. Try to remember the kind of Facebook When you were a calm and contented fellow, Try to remember and if you remember then unfollow. Unfollow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow unfollow._ I have a FB friend like this. Yes, I know Trump is the embodiment of evil. I just don’t want to scroll through a dozen or more posts a day reminding me of it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/19 "2017-06-23T12:33:44Z")
> [@ftg](#): > > Unfollowing is too good for 'em. Unfriend. Unfriending is too good for 'em. Unfriend _and_ key their car. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2017, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663/20 "2017-06-23T12:41:54Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > _Try to remember the kind of Facebook > When posts were cool and oh, so mellow. > Try to remember the kind of Facebook > When rants were rare and few would bellow. > Try to remember the kind of Facebook > When you were a calm and contented fellow, > Try to remember and if you remember then unfollow. > Unfollow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow follow unfollow._ Fantastick! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unfriending-on-fb-advice-transgender-related/789663.md?page=2)