Unfunny things kids say, Part 1

[fessie]

I’ve been avoiding telling mine anything about Evil in the world, never mind Death and Loss. Dinosaur extinction is about as heavy as it’s gotten, thanks to Fantasia - but at least that’s got a built-in comfort factor. Dinosaurs are GONE.

However, I had to break my silence after the incident when my son dashed away from us at the Children’s Museum and went all the way downstairs. To see the trains. I’ve never believed in punishing someone who’s run away upon their return, that just doesn’t make sense (“I’m so glad you’re OK! Now go stand in the corner!”).

So instead, in my very earnest way, I set up a Multimedia Presentation on the Existence of Evil in the World.

The next morning I poured some salt on the kitchen table. “Look here, most of the people in the world are Good.” Sprinkled in a little pepper. “See here, now and then there are Bad People.” Grab a pinch from the pile. “Now, when you ran away from us, you met Good People who brought you back to us. You were lucky.” Grab a pinch with some pepper too. “Next time, you might not be so lucky. You might run into a Bad Person who would take you away and we’d never see you again.” (try to stay calm at the mere mention of that as an actual possibility).

We practiced with the salt and pepper for a while, they were pretty intrigued and seemed to understand that MOST people are good, there’s just a FEW bad ones out there, and that you have to be careful ALL the time because you don’t know WHO might wind up in your pinch.

My Aunt stopped by later that morning, and with great excitement my son explained to her “The white people are good and the bad people are bad!”
:eek: :smack: :eek: :smack: :eek: :smack: :eek: :smack:

Yes, I am a moron.

Soooooo…Grabbed the oregano and the rock salt and did the whole thing AGAIN. Pour out a pile of oregano, “Here are the Good people, in all those beautiful colors”…

Just to drive the whole thing home, I pulled up our local sex offender’s page online and showed them that.
I already knew those were a bunch of ordinary looking white guys.

[Freudian_Slit]

@Ottoerotic

3 year old: (With big puppy dog eyes) "I say NO daddy Noooo, but he won’t stop!!! "

Not funny at the time, and it took a lot of explaining.

Uh…what was the explanation? I’m not getting it.

[Cat_Whisperer]

I don’t know if this qualifies, but I overheard this in the ladies’ room the other day - a young boy in the stalll with his mom said to her, “You have a big bum.” I’m guessing she didn’t think it was very funny.

[Hostile_Dialect]

@featherlou

I don’t know if this qualifies, but I overheard this in the ladies’ room the other day - a young boy in the stalll with his mom said to her, “You have a big bum.” I’m guessing she didn’t think it was very funny.

Depends. I dated a young boy’s mother once, and she already had a nice, juicy “bum” and was saving up to buy a bigger one.

FWIW, moms can look hot after two kids. Yowza! The naked pictures of her are among my most closely-guarded possessions.

[Askance]

@Zambini57

“Childhood ends the moment you realize that one day you’re going to die.”

Beat

@Rosencrantz

Whatever became of the moment when one first knew about death? There must have been one. A moment. In childhood. When it first occurred to you that you don’t go on forever. Must have been shattering. Stamped into one’s memory. And yet, I can’t remember it. It never occurred to me at all. We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it. Before we know that there are words. Out we come, bloodied and squalling, with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there’s only one direction. And time is its only measure.

[Gorgonzola]

In September 2002, our daughter was five. Sam Stone was mowing the lawn. Our daughter went into the house and the TV in our home office was left on to CNN, with the sound muted. Apparently some sort of 9/11 retrospective was playing. She could type, and she knew how to send email from watching me do it, and she sent some friends of mine in the U.S. the following message before going and getting her dad:

on the news there was a fire or hurricane
or something I don’t know what it was it said:
people were in a building and they jumped out
the window. Of a hurricane or something and
died.Beep me on MSN. If you saw that news and
also the building fell down and then it was
sielent and there was flames everywhere.
It was horrible no fireman went in or no
police went in nobody onhunred people died.
They ran for there lives. it was not great.
From CNN. that news. Try to help out.