# Unhappy jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 15, 2016, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944 "2016-08-15T19:44:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/61 "2016-08-23T13:58:23Z")
Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/62 "2016-08-23T14:10:52Z")
How about: Donald Trump runs for president… Rainier Wolfcastle: “That’s the joke.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/63 "2016-08-23T14:41:54Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > A communist soldier is standing in line for meat for several hours. When he finally gets to the end, they’ve run out of meat. > > He laments out loud, “I am a loyal member of the party. I served in the military and marched across Red Square every May Day. I have served the Communist party loyally and I get nothing for it?” > > The meat distributor puts his arm around the soldier and whispers, “Comrade, you may not think we live in better times, but we do. See that soldier over there? Last year if he had heard you say what you just said, he would have shot you. Count your blessings, comrade.” > > So the soldier returns home. His wife sees he has nothing, and asks, “What happened? Did they run out of meat?” > > “Worse,” he replies. “They’ve run out of bullets.” Another joke from back in the Communist era: A Polish farmer keeps his savings buried in a hole in his yard. But his family convinced him he should deposit his money in the bank. He’s a little uncertain but he digs up his money and goes to the local branch of the People’s Bank. “I have brought in all my savings of fifty zlotys. But before I deposit it, I want to ask a few questions.” “Of course, comrade, I’m happy to help.” “What happens to my money if this bank goes out of business suddenly?” “A good question, comrade, but you have no need to worry. We are just a local branch. If we went out of business, you could still get your fifty zlotys back from our main office in Krakow.” “But what happens if all of your banks go out of business?” “That is very unlikely, comrade, but if it did happen, all deposits are guaranteed by the government and you could get your fifty zlotys back from the treasury in Warsaw.” “But what happens to my money if the treasury shuts down?” “Well, comrade, that’s impossible to imagine because if would mean the Polish government had collapsed. But even if that did happen, we have financial treaties with the Soviet Union so you would get your fifty zlotys back from Moscow.” “But what happens to my money if the Soviet Union collapses?” At this the bank official looks around and then leans closes. “Listen, my friend, if the Soviet Union collapses, don’t you think that would be worth fifty zlotys?” ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/64 "2016-08-23T14:43:59Z")
Latching on to **Knowed Out** ’s “communist soldier” joke: such “funnies” about – shall we say, the oddities of life in the Soviet bloc; were legion. I’ve always liked the following one, perhaps on the light-hearted side, from the early days of the Cold War. An American and a Russian soldier are on sentry duty on their respective sides of the dividing line between their respective sectors of Berlin. Rather naughtily, they are whiling away the time by conversing. AMERICAN: In only an hour’s time, I’ll be relieved – thank God ! RUSSIAN: In only two hours’ time, I’ll be relieved – thank Stalin ! AMERICAN: Sounds funny, you saying that. What would you say if Stalin were dead? RUSSIAN: Thank God ! ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/65 "2016-08-23T14:48:40Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Guy bets the bartender his tab that he can show him something he’s never seen before. The bartender takes the bet and the guy opens up a case, pulls out a miniature grand piano, and sets it on the bar. He then reaches into the case, pulls out a tiny little man about a foot tall, who runs over to the piano, sits down, and promptly starts playing a selection of Beethoven. > > The bartender says, “You win. How did you find him?” > > Guys says, “I was walking down the beach and found an old lamp washed up. When I started polishing it, a genie appeared and granted me a wish.” > > The bartender frowns. “And that’s what you wished for?” > > Guy say, “No. The genie was hard of hearing,” Variation of that: a guy comes into a bar with a foot-high companion, who calls him names, makes fun of his drink, kicks it over, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/66 "2016-08-23T15:20:57Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Q: How can you recognize a Dell technician with a flat tire? > A: He’s changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat. > > Q: How can you recognize a Dell technician who’s run out of gas? > A: He’s changing one tire at a time to see which one is flat. A manager, a tech support guy, and a systems programmer are driving in a car. They come over a hill, swerve, and crash into a tree. The manager says “What are we going to do?” The tech support guy says “Let’s swap out all the tires, re-install them, and restart the car.” The systems programmer says “Let’s back up to the top of the hill and see if it crashes again.” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944/67 "2016-08-24T09:17:06Z")
Q: Why can’t you fool an aborted baby? A: Because it wasn’t born yesterday. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unhappy-jokes/762944.md?page=3)