# Unholy Lesbian Vampire Army of the Night - Elect the Dark Queen! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 31, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557 "2001-01-31T14:26:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/1 "2001-01-31T14:26:37Z")
Dear Reader, Yes, the unthinkable has happened. A crisis of confidence is brewing in the ranks. There are those who say the the current Dark Queen is too old, too feeble, too distracted, and thus should be replaced by young blood. There is a large camp of loyal opposition that has gathered about the Dark Princess, **andygirl** , and proposes to put her into power by violent overthrow. Which, I have been told, involves the Dark Queen being kidnapped, enslaved, and put at the mercy of the entire Unholy Lesbian Vampire Sorority at Dartmouth…sigh. Rather than risk that…unfortunate circumstance…sigh…I think we should instead hold a Vote of Confidence. Each member of ULVAN, any Board lesbians, TG lesbians - oh hell, any interested parties can vote. Who will be the Dark Queen of the Unholy Lesbian Vampire Army of the Night? **Anthracite** - Current Dark Queen (Dark Consort **Fierra**.) **andygirl** - Current Dark Princess (Dark Consort **quietgirldownthehall**.) Or, **write-in** a candidate. Whoever gets the most votes by Friday Feb. 2, 2001, shall be the new Dark Queen. So, as the Democrats say, vote early and often! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/2 "2001-01-31T15:07:36Z")
I go with the incumbent. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/3 "2001-01-31T15:27:04Z")
As a loyal auxilary member of the Unholy Lesbian Vampire Coast Guard of the Night, I’d feel compelled to resign my commission if anyone but **Anthracite** were elected Dark Queen. Don’t worry, Antriacite, you’re caught in the classic bind between Dark Queens and Dark Princesses. A Dark Princess can wander around being gratuitously evil and getting lauded for it, while a Dark Queen has to attend to the difficult business of governing, keeping the power stations running and the like. So keep it up, Your Dark Majesty, you’re doing a great job. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/4 "2001-01-31T16:21:10Z")
Old? Feeble? ROT! Anyone who survives that roadtrip and pens another excellent installment of Cecil Cove is feeble. **Anthracite** , all the way! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/5 "2001-01-31T16:22:32Z")
My massive crush on **andygirl** has forced me, surprisingly, to vote for **Anthracite**. **andygirl** has far too much on her plate to be Dark Queen, though she’d make a fabulous posterchild (along with **quietgirldownthehall** ). Plus this way I’ll have something new to talk to **andy** about in MIRC:) ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/6 "2001-01-31T16:23:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*Anyone who survives that roadtrip and pens another excellent installment of Cecil Cove is feeble. > \*\* **NOT** feeble. That would be **not feeble** :: Preview is my friend. Preview is not the tool of the devil. :: ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/7 "2001-01-31T16:43:16Z")
Anthracite all the way!! Long live the queen!! we all know what these young upstarts are like. Thinking they can handle the power of ULVAN. But, as peter parker says, _with great power comes great resopnsibility_ \*scuttles away, bowing to the dark queen… wait a second, I’m not even ULVAN. \*walks away, whistling “Sunshine and Lolipops” ---
**Author:** ![fierra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58956e/32.png) [@fierra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fierra)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/8 "2001-01-31T16:51:39Z")
I’ve never been a dark consort before and it is too good an opportunity to miss, so…I have to vote for Anthracite. But isn’t a vote of confidence a little genteel & polite for an unholy lesbian vampire army though? [sub]I was looking forward to the bloodbath…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/9 "2001-01-31T16:51:48Z")
Hmmm…on the one hand, we have someone who can analyze vitrinite inclusions and is an expert on relative flash points. That’s got to count for something. On the other, a person who knows the full words to “Ebenezer Wheelock” – surely a major qualifications. Based on that, I’ll have to abstain from voting. But, based on his Pit thread, let me nominate \*\*Matt\_mcl{/b] for **Evil Femme Gaymale Pretender to the Throne**. Certainly the ULVAN needs something like a pretender to keep the requisite degree of drama going! ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/10 "2001-01-31T17:42:16Z")
I’m voting for **andygirl**. However, my vote can be swayed if Gramma Nym gets some in Part 3. Double-juicy extra cheese with tongue points revert back to Una if I get to A) pick who I get some with and B) GET TO AKS SUM1 IF THE HAV CUM YET!!! It’s in Una’s hands now. ---
**Author:** ![Joe\_Cool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecb155/32.png) [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/11 "2001-01-31T17:44:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fierra \* > **…But isn’t a vote of confidence a little genteel & polite for an unholy lesbian vampire army though?** Maybe the “vote” is preliminary to the Great Purge, and takes place only to compile a list of dissenters who will then be vivisected publicly, and hanged with their own entrails… What a great way for an Unholy Lesbian Vampire Queen to both strengthen her own power base AND provide hors d’ouvres for the after-party! We can hope. This message board could use a little gratuitous violence. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/12 "2001-01-31T18:13:31Z")
Hmmm…a poorer showing than I was expecting. Especially for the followers of Dark Princess **andygirl**! Her own Dark Consort has not even voted for her yet… The results are: **Anthracite** : 6 votes **andygirl** : 1 vote **Matt\_mcl** : 1 vote Where are you, challengers to the throne! Show yourselves! The Dark Queen mocks you! (stops to give a nip to **Fierra** ) ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/13 "2001-01-31T18:14:42Z")
As a long time supporter of the current consort it should come as no suprise that I cast my ballot for Anthracite…once I’m bought I stay bought. 😉 Keith ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/14 "2001-01-31T18:21:53Z")
Well, this is an interesting thing to stumble across when one is wanting a nap. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/15 "2001-01-31T18:50:10Z")
Drat. _Drat!_ **Drat!** screamed Andy as she stared at her computer screen. With the push of a button, she summoned her minions. _"Minions! How is it possible that the Dark Queen has knowledge of my **insidious** plan?_ she said, in a Snidely Whiplash-esque tone. A minion groveled. “I do not…” _"Silence! No interruptions! There must be a way to subvert the masses. Sexual favors? Nubile virgins? Fear? Debauchery?_ “Well, we could…” the unfortunate minion was summarily executed with a **Dental Dam of Doom.** _“I believe that I asked for no interruptions.”_ The minions quivered. Andy became aware of a familiar stare. _“Shut up.”_ “_But I didn’t say anything._” _"I know that. You rarely do. Hence the nickname, "_ replied Andy. Quietgirl walked seductively towards Andy, her nuthatch hair cascading about her shoulders beautifully as she cocked her head to one side. _"You’re overreacting, honey. The coup will come, with or without this vote. Una is letting them suffer the illusion that their voices matter._ Andy smiled then, displaying somewhat discerning canines. _Very true. You always do manage to put things in perspective."_ She turned towards the minions. _“Let them vote as they like. We will keep our records and use them when the time comes.”_ With a wave of her hand, the minions disappeared. _Damn it! Will someone please move this body? Quietgirl, stop laughing!_ ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/16 "2001-01-31T19:31:49Z")
Good old Snidely Whiplash. How IS s/he/it doing? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/17 "2001-01-31T19:38:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Billdo \* > …while a Dark Queen has to attend to the difficult business of governing, _keeping the power stations running_ and the like. Well, it wouldn’t be very _dark_ then, would it? One vote for andygirl. For my bribe, I’ll take three sexual favors, a first round nubile virgin draft choice, and a debauchery to be named later. ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/18 "2001-01-31T19:46:46Z")
Okay, my vote for **andygirl** is cemented. For my bribe, I want you to get Gramma Nym to have some fun in part 3. Two birds, meet one stone. Boo-yah! ---
**Author:** ![Britt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Britt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Britt)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/19 "2001-01-31T19:55:21Z")
Trust yea not, the mechanisions of the unholy, for they are cunning and devious. This is not a call for votes but a rodentious plan hatched by both the Queen and Princess to OUT all those disloyal to their reign, oh beware yea the blood letting shall soon commence. Already the innocent (well its all relative) Matt has been identified and targeted. So take note and do not listen to those of forked tongue for they are well practiced at using it. Britt ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557/20 "2001-01-31T22:13:37Z")
mmm…lesbians… :eek: Did i say that out loud? I vote for Una, BTW. [sub]now where’s my bribe money?[sub] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unholy-lesbian-vampire-army-of-the-night-elect-the-dark-queen/52557.md?page=2)