# Unlikely Doper Quotations **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803 "2000-08-10T04:49:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/1 "2000-08-10T04:49:21Z")
Easy. Pick doper. Make up a quote that they would never utter. I’ll start. Lexicon - Mom! Where’s my panties? The pink ones, with ruffles! Techchick - Gimme a coors!!! Quick! ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/2 "2000-08-10T04:55:51Z")
Coors? COORS? Sheesh Cynical, whatcha tryin to do, kill me? ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/3 "2000-08-10T05:10:05Z")
Vestal Blue- I actually hate flirting and I will never do it again. I’ve given away my entire stash of cinnamon body oil too. And I’ll never wear my flightsuit again either. pipefitter-I’m a handsome, sexy stud, and all of you ladies are da\*\* lucky to have me pay some attention to you. Now, get me a beer, bi\*\*\* and be quick about it. Mr Bear- I never pay any attention to purplebear at all, and probably never will. Also, I love this board so much, I want to read every single thread, and post to each one as well. There just aren’t enough hours in the day to post as much as I want to. Falcon- I hate to flirt. I hate ChiefScott too. I will never flirt again on this board. Not even with Vestal Blue or the Chief. \ That hurt to type! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Surgoshan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Surgoshan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surgoshan)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/4 "2000-08-10T05:10:12Z")
Demo - No more for me, thanks. Doob - I would so do her. Me - Sex? No, I’m saving myself. Falc - Ug, I HATE tequila! PCW - Really, I don’t like purple all that much. FreakFreely - I’m **proud** of my purity test score! MrC - This kid is a pain in the ass Tech - What’s this, football? Switch it to Lifetime! C-Sue - Aboot. Satan - I don’t need to post here. David B - I have seen the Light. Psycat - California was a bad move. Ayesha - Pass the milke, please. SqrlCub - He needs to lose some weight. Kelli - I’m abstaining. Falc - You know, I really AM cute as a button! Most of the Women - Yes, I admit it, I’m attractive, but keep telling me. Satan (again) - That’s too personal, I couldn’t share it. DrainBead (and Satan) - You people spend too much time on the boards. Everyone - Surgo, you should post more. Newbie in his first post - [anything not deferential] [no reference to anything like ‘what’s the straight dope’] [not asking a question directly of Cecil] Troll - I’m sorry ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/5 "2000-08-10T05:13:29Z")
LOL! Good ones, Surg! 😃 Great idea, Mr Cynical! ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/6 "2000-08-10T05:13:57Z")
Surgo - I don’t look like no smiley! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/7 "2000-08-10T05:56:57Z")
**Mr. Cynical** - No, put those away! If Santi finds out he’ll kill me! No, please! Stop! Don’t! … Oh, please don’t stop! **techchick** - Hi. Is this tech support? Okay, I have this error, and I can’t figure it out. I’ve been working on it for hours. It says “Non-system disk or disk error. Replace and strike any key…” **purplebear** - Look, if you all don’t start this flirting, I’m going to leave and never come back. What’s the point? Flirting is stupid! **Coldfire** - Okay, that does it. I’m going to go the studio right now, and get a current pic for the SDPP! **Lexicon** - Well, when you think about it, I guess I am kind of attracted to men. I often look at my own ass and think: Boy, you got it goin on! **Alphagene** - Did you guys get the new N’sync album? It rocks! **ValerieBlaise** - I just got Alphagene the new N’sync album, because it rocks! **FreakFreely** - I realize that I may be a little off-beat, so I have therefore dedicated myself to posting on a level more commeserate with my intellect. **GaWd** - What do you mean, you just want to have sex with me? What do you think I am, some kind of piece of meat or something? I need romance, I need candles, I need chocolates… **Satan** - Anyone got a light? **Drain Bead** - Will someone bum my figh-ance a smoke? ---
**Author:** ![2sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/e47774/32.png) [@2sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2sense)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/8 "2000-08-10T06:17:35Z")
**Tomndebb** - I am completely unfamiliar with… [insert any topic here] **AntiPro** - Why yes, I enjoy choosing the trailerslut of the week. **Gadarene** - Hey, dubya wouldn’t be all bad. **ChiefScott** - No go ahead, the occasional smilie is just good clean fun. **Duck Duck Goose** - No I haven’t been on vacation, I just find myself posting less these days. **Libertarian** - The cop wasn’t buying that I didn’t know it was a school zone so I kicked his ass and drove off. **pepperlandgirl** - I thought your calling me ignorant was amusing. Have a nice day. **Lexicon** - Participle shmarticiple, who cares? ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/9 "2000-08-10T06:42:12Z")
**ChiefScott** - 🙂 **Cecil** - Hi everybody! **Ed Zotti** - Hi everybody! **Esprix** - I just met this girl…I really like her… **SPOOFE Bo Diddly** - Go, Enterprise, go! **Lynn Bodoni** - Stop sending me all the damn chocolate! **Oldscratch** - [Austin Powers]Yay, capitalism![/Austin Powers] **Krispy Original** - I got two tickets to the World Cup, wanna join me? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/10 "2000-08-10T07:53:32Z")
**FriendofGod** - All hail Satan! **Mark Serlin** - Research? I was just being an ass. **TubaDiva** - You imbecile newbies!! Why the %^&\* can’t you figure all this crap out on your own?!?!? **Unclebeer** - My name is Unclebeer… and… and I’m an alcoholic… ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/11 "2000-08-10T08:11:14Z")
Anthracite: That Tim guy’s really cute. Falcon: Anth, what are you thinking? He’s a freak! GaWd: I dunno, I’m with Una on this one. He’s got a hot ass. Doob: That’s because you have no taste, GaWd. Girls are where it’s at. Kyla: Leave him alone, Doob. I hate you. Note - This is simulated alternate reality chat. –Tim ---
**Author:** ![JavaMaven1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@JavaMaven1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JavaMaven1)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/12 "2000-08-10T08:23:56Z")
Dry: I have no quote from Shakespeare to fit this occasion. GaWd: I’m just not horny tonight, dear. Doobieous: Well, if you don’t want her GaWd, I do. Me: I’m tired of talking about food. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/13 "2000-08-10T08:45:17Z")
## **Alternate reality conversations.** Lexicon- That was mean. Why did you say that? You hurt my feelings… ☹ ## purplebear- Bitch! Just shut up and take it! drainthelizard- I’m so glad I made that nazi joke, aren’t you? ## Coldfire- Yeah I have to admit, that was pretty funny! Satan- Sneevil, you fuckin’ prick. Byzantine- I never thought I would be persecuted like this. I’m leaving the board and never coming back. How can I stay here with you flaming me like that? ## Sneevil- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drive you away! Please stay! The whole SDMB- Shut up! You’re wrong! Me- Yeah, I guess you’re all right, I’m wrong. There’s nothing more to disagree about. I’ll shut up now. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/14 "2000-08-10T08:51:39Z")
> [@](#): > > FreakFreely - I’m proud of my purity test score! I’ll kill you. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/15 "2000-08-10T12:23:26Z")
coldfire- ya wanna know something Krispy, I think your right. not just about this, but about everything. I love you. no, really, I do! now where’s bj0rn, I gotta tell him too… ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/16 "2000-08-10T12:31:20Z")
going back a bit but- Phaedrus- Here it is!! I actually have the proof! no more stalling! and Darwin was right!! Mullinator: Al Gore!!! Al Gore!!! Al Gore!!! FreakFreely: I think I’ve posted enough already today. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/17 "2000-08-10T12:43:26Z")
Falcon: Why the hell would I drive all over creation to see people I’ve never met before? Give me a break. OR I hate quirky alt rock. Satan: I’ve never heard of that band. What are they like? Mr. Cyn: Stop that dirty talk, guys! You’re making me blush! soulsling: Jesus Saves. Coldfire: Soccor Sucks. Canadians Suck. Rush Sucks. (you’ll never hear that one on a number of levels…) UncleBeer: Ban Handguns! Ban Beer! ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/18 "2000-08-10T13:19:56Z")
Byzantine: “I wuz gonta post a awful meen thing, but i duzznt’ wanna sownd meen an awfull.” Zev and Chaim: “Waddaya feel like tonight, cheeseburgers and milkshakes?” Satan: “I just love those Red Sox. I hope they win the AL East.” Drain Bead: “Man, the Dolphins kick butt, don’t they? Go, Miami!” Gaudere: “I heard about your problem. I’ll be praying for you.” DRY: “Actually, I think Francis Bacon and Christopher Marlowe DID write all of Shakespeare’s stuff.” OR “I fail to see what’s so great about a bunch of plays and poems written, like, 400 years ago. They have no bearing on American life in the year 2000.” DAVEW0071: “Look, if you have some bugs in the house, either just step on them or ignore them and hope they go away.” RTFirefly: “Actually, I think Zeppo was the funny one.” ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/19 "2000-08-10T13:54:36Z")
**SwimmingRiddles** : “I think eating meat is perfectly healthy, and who’s this guy Knee-chee?!? I hate the theatre, I think I’m gonna go watch the game…” **Falcon** : “Flirt with men on the SDMB? Yech! Gross!” **JohnLarrigan** : “Hey baby! Why don’t you slide on over here and let the looooooooooooooove doctor see if your’e in shape enough for some smooooooooth satisfaction! ahhhhhhhhh! yeah.” ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2000, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803/20 "2000-08-10T13:56:34Z")
**DRY** : [KeanuReaves Voice]“Whoooooaah!”[/KeanuReaves Voice] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unlikely-doper-quotations/28803.md?page=2)