# Unmarried dopers with long term partners, how do you refer to your SO? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2009, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766 "2009-01-11T05:04:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/1 "2009-01-11T05:04:56Z")
In mentioning or referencing the people most dear in your life to others in casual social conversations how do you refer to them? She/he’s my partner, companion, girlfriend/boyfriend, significant other, the person with whom I share my life, master, mistress, the old lady… or what? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/2 "2009-01-11T05:07:28Z")
SO, Boyfriend or fiance as the mood strikes. ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/3 "2009-01-11T05:17:51Z")
SO, partner or ‘himself’. We are engaged, but I’ve not referred to him as my fiance. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/4 "2009-01-11T13:07:59Z")
In the UK it’s become pretty standard to refer to your “other” as your partner (some people even do this if they’re married). ---
**Author:** ![Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bcef8e/32.png) [@Petrobey\_Mavromihalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petrobey_Mavromihalis)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/5 "2009-01-11T13:20:15Z")
Yes, I mostly use partner, although I’m not particularly fond of the word. However, whilst living in rural Greece I’ve tended to use wife when talking to the locals, especially older ones, just for an easy life. ---
**Author:** ![Unsquare\_Dance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b3f665/32.png) [@Unsquare\_Dance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unsquare_Dance)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/6 "2009-01-11T13:26:28Z")
“My y’know _snapsnappointwagfinger_… yeah.” Thank goodness we are getting married, because that would get kind of ridiculous after 20 years. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/7 "2009-01-11T13:55:23Z")
That Woman. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/8 "2009-01-11T14:07:57Z")
I once heard some refer to their partner as their “s’pose” as in “S’pose they’ll ever get married?” ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/9 "2009-01-11T14:23:52Z")
Partner in more formal contexts or when I want to emphasise the bond. Boyfriend informally, though I’m not completely comfortable with it at our age. My lad is the one I prefer. He calls me his partner, his girlfriend or the missus. Bit of a hijack is how to refer to his daughter. Partner or boyfriend’s daughter doesn’t really indicate _our_ relationship so ever since she asked “Are you sort of like my stepmum?” I call her my sort of stepdaughter. \* edited for spelling and punctuation\* ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/10 "2009-01-11T14:50:31Z")
Well, the last one was “That Guy Who’s Always Hanging Around My House”. The one before him was “My Boyfriend”, but it didn’t feel so silly since we were in our early twenties. Now it’s usually “My Boyfriend” with a raised eyebrow that is a combination of “what a silly word for a middle-aged man” and “I’m not sure how the hell THAT happened.” ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/11 "2009-01-11T15:11:07Z")
We’ve lived together for 15 years and we have no plans to get married unless it would improve our tax situation. (I know that isn’t very romantic but neither of us cares about some official sanction.) I call him my partner because ‘boyfriend’ sounds silly at my age and doesn’t really convey that we own a home together and are as committed as any married couple, and it’s shorter than ‘that guy that I live with’. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/12 "2009-01-11T16:43:56Z")
We’re 50 and 56, and “boyfriend” / “girlfriend” is definitely awkward but we still mostly go with that. ---
**Author:** ![bacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b782af/32.png) [@bacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bacon)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/13 "2009-01-11T16:49:39Z")
My “future ex-wife” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/14 "2009-01-11T17:31:05Z")
I’m 33. I went through a phase of thinking boyfriend was silly, but we’ve been together almost 12 years now, and I find I just don’t care anymore. In print, it’s always “the SO” and in words, almost always boyfriend, though I will say husband to people I will never see again if it comes up. I keep meaning to use the word “partner” but I feel as though I am appropriating the word gay couples use. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/15 "2009-01-11T18:16:39Z")
Depends on who I’m talking to. Either “partner,” “husband,” “boyfriend,” or “slave.” ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/16 "2009-01-11T18:55:09Z")
> [@Karyn](#): > > We’ve lived together for 15 years and we have no plans to get married unless it would improve our tax situation. (I know that isn’t very romantic but neither of us cares about some official sanction.) I call him my partner because ‘boyfriend’ sounds silly at my age and doesn’t really convey that we own a home together and are as committed as any married couple, and it’s shorter than ‘that guy that I live with’. This is exactly my position, including the tax situation. I may, however, have the advantage over you. My partner is a tax accountant and needs to keep herself aware of any changes in tax law for professional reasons. I live in constant fear of being woken up one morning and told that I’ve got to present myself at the nearest church forthwith in the interests of financial expediency. ---
**Author:** ![nevermore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@nevermore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevermore)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2009, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/17 "2009-01-11T22:52:05Z")
We’re in our twenties, so I don’t feel that “girlfriend” sounds silly yet. When I’m thirty, though, I’ll have to think of something else… I don’t like “partner” (too vague; too PC), and I don’t like “significant other” (too long!), but what else is there? “Lady friend”? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/18 "2009-01-12T01:08:14Z")
My sweetie, unless I’m somewhere where that could be met with hostility…then it’s my SO or boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Karyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/fbc32d/32.png) [@Karyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karyn)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/19 "2009-01-12T01:12:51Z")
> [@Chez\_Guevara](#): > > I live in constant fear of being woken up one morning and told that I’ve got to present myself at the nearest church forthwith in the interests of financial expediency. Chances are I won’t even notice when it does become beneficial. If we did it we’d just go down to the county and get it done like any other bureaucratic detail and not even bother to tell anyone. We have all of the appliances and china that we need already. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766/20 "2009-01-12T12:18:40Z")
My girlfriend, my partner or (more casually) my misses (which is a common term amongst British lesbians) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unmarried-dopers-with-long-term-partners-how-do-you-refer-to-your-so/480766.md?page=2)