# Unproven private theories -- What's yours? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 22, 2003, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275 "2003-04-22T07:44:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![maskedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/fbc32d/32.png) [@maskedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maskedman)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/21 "2003-04-22T16:09:47Z")
Earth will never be visited by advanced Alien Civilizations. Why? They have been receiving our television transmissions for over 60 Earth Years now, and have seen everything from Hitler’s speeches at the Munich Olympics to sitcoms such as ‘Laverne and Shirley’. Based on this, they have decided that visiting this particular planet would be a waste of time and fuel.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/22 "2003-04-22T16:28:34Z")
Michael Jackson is a persona that has actually been played by various people over the last few decades. The original Michael Jackson is retired and living like a king somewhere (Patagonia, perhaps). The managers of Michael Jackson find some guy who can sing and dance, train him to be Mike, then let him live the high life for a few years before he too retires to a life of luxury and a new person takes the role. This would explain the dramatic changes of appearance that M. Jackson has gone through. ---
**Author:** ![ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/23 "2003-04-22T16:46:48Z")
That homosexuality, for some, may be a(n) (instinctual?) behavioral modification in response to over-population. (Really more of a philosophical worry-stone that I carry around with me, more than an actual theory, as it has holes in it big enough to drive a truck through) ---
**Author:** ![MaryEFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MaryEFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaryEFoo)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/24 "2003-04-22T16:57:31Z")
Cats can locate sources of warmth at a distance, because their ears act as dish-antennas for heat. ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/25 "2003-04-22T17:04:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eonwe \* > \*\*Michael Jackson is a persona that has actually been played by various people over the last few decades. The original Michael Jackson is retired and living like a king somewhere (Patagonia, perhaps). The managers of Michael Jackson find some guy who can sing and dance, train him to be Mike, then let him live the high life for a few years before he too retires to a life of luxury and a new person takes the role. This would explain the dramatic changes of appearance that M. Jackson has gone through. \*\* I’ve always thought that the current Michael Jackson is a clone of theoriginal who is either dead or in a coma or some other medical condition that does not allow him to be out in public. The reason for the dramatic change in appearance is due to the fact that they haven’t perfected the cloning process yet and the accelerated the growth rate of the clone. ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/26 "2003-04-22T17:11:18Z")
My theory is that “Good things come to those who wait” is a BS platitude propagated by the terminally lazy. Also, “nice guys finish last” goes hand in hand with the above sentiment. ---
**Author:** ![Zenham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a5b964/32.png) [@Zenham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenham)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/27 "2003-04-22T17:16:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless \* > **And memory-less souls could not get bored in Heaven or Hell since boredom requires memory to recognise that the current state is unchanging.** So, basically, this means that when we die and go to heaven, we spend all eternity like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![IDemandBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@IDemandBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDemandBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/28 "2003-04-22T17:20:17Z")
The frequency and priority-level of support requests increase exponentially as the work-day progresses, reaching critical mass exactly 1 minute 30 seconds before your scheduled time to leave. The desire to do/eat/possess something is inversely proportional to how healthy it is for you. The odds of your ex-wife calling are directly proportional to the current level of intimacy you are experiencing with another person at the time. The odds of someone having made a new pot of coffee after emptying it are inversely proportional to the amount of time you have before your next meeting. –IDB ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/29 "2003-04-22T17:35:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanWPsl \* > \*\*Theory #3: Geddy Lee from Rush is the Anti-christ. \*\* As Geddy Lee is one of God’s Chosen People, that would seem highly unlikely. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![WillSantini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed8c4c/32.png) [@WillSantini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillSantini)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/30 "2003-04-22T17:43:29Z")
conspiracy theory: all the women in the world have formed a society, their motto being “No sex for Will” ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/31 "2003-04-22T17:59:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by XJETGIRLX \* > \*\*Hmm … would you care to expand on that? Sounds interesting. \*\* I’m not **Drastic** I may be able to shed some light, but be warned, my cite sucks. Some twenty-ish years ago I read an article in OMNI magazine about a research project involving hypnosis. Most of the subjects, under hypnosis were able to recount tales of “alien abductions.” Since the researchers didn’t think this was plausible, they got more detailed descriptions and then compared them to records of another, real life “abduction experience” – getting kicked out of the womb into the cold hard world where they had cold steel instruments and poked/prodded you. Interestingly – according to this 20 yr-old report – those who exited through the birth canal, reported “alien abductions” that were long and difficult, like travelling through a tunnel to a light at the end. Those who were born via c-section described a relatively quick and easy passage into blindingly birght light. So – take it as you will – I’m remembering an OMNI Science report from the early 80s. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/32 "2003-04-22T18:22:13Z")
That we are God’s pet cats… ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/33 "2003-04-22T18:29:18Z")
1. Lipstick has a secret ingredient that slowly turns your lips colorless; hence, you must keep wearing it in order to not appear like you have corpse-lips. 2. Lip balm is addictive on the same level as heroin. So is hand lotion. 3. Cats DON’T really sleep all day. They laugh at how they have fooled us all lo these many years. Someday they will attack. ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/34 "2003-04-22T18:31:17Z")
Oh, man you just reminded me of one: Instead of sleeping, cats are actually battling evil on the psychic plane and that’s why they seem to sleep all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/35 "2003-04-22T18:32:41Z")
Somewhere in the cosmos there is a parallel Earth populated by werewolves…some of who imagine of a world full of nearly-furless apes. ---
**Author:** ![malaka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@malaka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malaka)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/36 "2003-04-22T18:42:43Z")
Windows Solitaire has some level of artificial intelligence built in. Just enough to frustrate you… ---
**Author:** ![IDemandBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@IDemandBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDemandBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/37 "2003-04-22T18:47:46Z")
The amount of toilet paper remaining in the house is directly proportional to the amount of Texas-style Chili you’ve eaten for lunch. –IDB ---
**Author:** ![IDemandBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@IDemandBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDemandBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/38 "2003-04-22T18:49:57Z")
Er, of course “directly proportional” should be “inversely proportional” –IDB ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/39 "2003-04-22T18:50:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ethilrist \* > \*\*Solipsism is right. I just don’t know for whom yet. \*\* Otherwise known as the “Cogito ergo sum, but what the hell are you doing here?” school of thought. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275/40 "2003-04-22T19:02:04Z")
Hey! Who told **WillSantini**? :mad: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unproven-private-theories-whats-yours/170275.md?page=3)