# Unreasonable or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** gardening\ **Created:** [January 18, 2025, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091 "2025-01-18T00:12:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/82 "2025-01-21T16:35:56Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > They always end up getting fired or never advance even though you know they have the potential to be in the top 10%. They will continue bad behaviors just to justify past bad behaviors. It is an endless cycle there seems to be no cure for. I think this is what I am dealing with here. Also, that you’d compare your girlfriend to a bad employee that needs to be fired is telling. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/83 "2025-01-21T16:41:16Z")
_ **How** _ you provide suggestions is just as important as the suggestion itself. This is something I have learned over the years. Instead of saying, “You added cinnamon and sugar before steaming! That’s wrong!!” Say something along these lines: “Mmm, this pie is good. But are you tasting cinnamon and sugar? Me either. I am wondering if it’s because the cinnamon and sugar was added before steaming. I am wondering if it might be better to add them after steaming. What are your thoughts? Perhaps it’s something we can experiment with.” Yea, it’s a bit disingenuous. But at least it doesn’t make them feel like a hopeless failure. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/84 "2025-01-21T16:48:54Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Turn > [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > “Mmm, this pie is good. But are you tasting cinnamon and sugar? Me either. I am wondering if it’s because the cinnamon and sugar was added before steaming. I am wondering if it might be better to add them after steaming.” I would agree with you here but this is where it gets funny. I didn’t even realize this until I started this thread. She sensed my fear in approaching her and started playing on that, I kept becomming more and more tactful until there was no where else to go and then I became angry. She actually gets some enjoyment out of screwing with me. This took place over a two year period and I just very recently started becoming more adamant about making corrections. We are getting ready to go grocery shopping in a few minutes. When we go through the vegi department any vegi I pick out will be immediately put back and she will pick a different one. So now all I do is push the cart. At first I thought that was kind of cute but I am starting to see a pattern. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/85 "2025-01-21T16:53:12Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I think the point a lot of you are missing is that she asked me to teach her how to bake. The first one always goes fine, she pays close attention and no problems. Now the next one she does she wants to do on her own which is also fine but she needs a few pointers. This is where we have the problem. I think it is silly to spend months getting something down when it only needs a simple suggestion. Another example I can think of that went on for about 4 pies before I stepped in. I like to precook my apples when I make an apple pie. Inly do this so I can get rid of some of the liquid and fit more apples into my pie. So I steam them for about 3 or 4 minutes. She would add the cinnamon and sugar before steaming so all the ingredients would wind up in the water that gets thrown out. She would also cook them way to long, maybe 15 minutes. These are two easy corrections. It was like pulling teeth trying to get her to make a little correction. So what? Honestly. Unless she is force-feeding you pies you don’t want to eat, why the fuck are you making such a big deal out of this. Everything you have written in this thread makes you sound horribly strict & controlling. It’s quite telling that the examples showing of how great a teacher you are are employees and dogs. Your wife is not your employee or a pet. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/86 "2025-01-21T18:18:43Z")
I have been in both sides of this. One ex-gfs was trying to start a business. It was a business that is very difficult in which to be successful but I very sincerely believed that she’d be excellent at it. I asked her if she wanted my help and she was very interested. So I went off and did a bunch of research and gave her advice on how others did it. She didn’t take my advice and failed in the exact way that I said would happen. This happened a couple of times and I quickly realized that I wasn’t helping and was frustrating her. I sat her down and apologized and said that I would no longer try to help unless I was asked for something specifically. She tried a few different ventures and none did well but I just sat back and was supportive and encouraging and celebrated the small successes. I adored her and I wasn’t being harmed by her attempts. Different ex-gf. I told her not to use those flushable wipes in my plumbing. She did anyway. I spent several hundred dollars on a plumber to fix it. I asked her why she kept doing it and she showed me the text on the container that said that they are “flushable” as to why it was ok. I was like, “they don’t give a fuck about my plumbing. I do”. She _still_ kept doing it and the next time I had to spend several thousand dollars replacing my plumbing which admittedly would have eventually had to be done anyway but still. She always did shit like this. This probably didn’t help much. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/87 "2025-01-21T18:49:01Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > This probably didn’t help much. Yes it was helpful and did pertain to my situation. My first marriage ended because of a business. We had an interior design store that started off as just carpet and window coverings. My wife was very good at running the day to day activities, and running the entire office. I handled the sales and installations. It was working like a charm and we were killing it. One of her friends was an interior designer and they started getting close, she talked her into getting thousands of dollars in sample books for fabrics and wall coverings furniture etc. She talked her into a bigger showroom and more expensive advertising. As she grew closer to the designer she started pulling away from me. We hired 3 more designers and they seem to screw up every job they took on. She sided with them and I walked away from the business. 6 months later we were divorced and the business was broke. ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/88 "2025-01-21T18:51:22Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > She actually gets some enjoyment out of screwing with me. This took place over a two year period and I just very recently started becoming more adamant about making corrections. It sounds like the relationship has run its course. Whether she’s screwing with you or not, it looks like now you’re hardened into a place of mistrust and adamant correction that sounds impossible to overcome. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/89 "2025-01-21T18:55:34Z")
> [@gkster](#): > > It sounds like the relationship has run its course. Whether she’s screwing with you or not, it looks like now you’re hardened into a place of mistrust and adamant correction that sounds impossible to overcome. I am really starting to wake up here. I feel like I am being controlling but it is the opposite. We went to the store shopping this morning. She tells me what lane to drive in, where to put my glasses or tissue, when to signal, which shopping cart to push. I picked up a carrot and she slapped it out of my hand and said " I do"!. I never even noticed this stuff before. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2025, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/90 "2025-01-21T19:07:25Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > She always did shit like this I don’t think you wrote that like that on purpose, but it works. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2025, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/91 "2025-01-22T21:58:18Z")
unlike the plumbing [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091.md?page=4)