# Unreasonable or not? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** gardening\ **Created:** [January 18, 2025, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091 "2025-01-18T00:12:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 28
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2025, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091/28 "2025-01-19T20:29:40Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I have a tendency to go for fixer uppers with lots of potential. I am just not very good at fixing them up Because you can’t. **You cannot change anyone but yourself** I had a couple of fixer uppers before I married my first husband, then I spent 12 years in a bad marriage before I learned this. Then, I looked for someone who I didn’t have to fix, and he was the best thing in my life. I am still a fixer, and I tried very hard to avoid that in that relationship. If you think you have a fixer upper, she either doesn’t want fixing, or… she wants to have an excuse to fail at things - she could have “taken your advice” but you made her mad tends to be the pattern in these cases. Not to toot my own horn, but I recommend reading this > [@People should know about the Karpman Drama Triangle.](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/people-should-know-about-the-karpman-drama-triangle/838093): > > The [Karpman Drama Triangle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle) is an interpersonal dynamic system that is characteristic of abusive families and other abusive social structures. The link goes into more detail, but the basic explanation is this: There are 3 roles: persecutor, rescuer and victim. Any person who engages in drama triangle dynamics will usually start with one of these roles, but will switch constantly between the roles. And the primary goal of the triangle is to keep the drama going. Because the other primary goa… --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unreasonable-or-not/1013091)._