# Unsolicited advice for women **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 23, 2001, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931 "2001-04-23T00:21:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/41 "2001-04-24T19:59:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > I think we should see other people > \*\* If a man tells a woman this, she talks to her girlfriends, and they say “Girl, he is just getting ready to dump you and he wants to find a replacement first” and the woman ends the relationship then and there. What do you guys think when you hear this? ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/42 "2001-04-24T21:48:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zyada \* > \*\*Sua, I have to object to your analogy. The conversation has been about relationships, not one night stands. Yes, more men are willing to have one night stands, but in the context of the conversation, what does that matter? It’s relevant to my romantic history, as almost all of my most successful and long-lasting relationships started out as one-night stands, or, more accurately, we hooked up/had sex the day/night we met. If the pattern holds, I would be much more likely to initiate a relationship if a woman would say “yes” to the above question. 😉 Sua ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/43 "2001-04-24T22:32:32Z")
[QUOTE] > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bill H. \* > \*\*Hmmmm. Did he call first before flying down? And even though you said “Look, we’re not dating anymore, don’t show up”, he came anyway? Or had you even broken up with him at that point? > > Please tell me you didn’t waste this guy’s time and money when you already knew you were done with him. \*\* Ok. I guess perhaps this needs some clarification, though I risk coming across as the cold hearted bitch that I can be, though I’m not normally. Yes, I did know that he was coming down. The reasons I didn’t tell him were… 1. He made me promise once that if I ever broke up with him, I’d do it in person, not over the phone. 2. It was a bad relationship(I am not going into the details here and now. If you want them, ask and I will tell, but I’m not going to volunteer it). It lasted 3.5 years, and that was 3.5 years too long. I didn’t know how bad it was until I was away from him, and even then I believed I loved him until I actually saw him after being apart. My friends tried to tell me, but I was in _LOOOOOOOVE_ and wouldn’t listen to them. 3. Hi Opal! ---
**Author:** ![Wump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed655f/32.png) [@Wump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wump)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/44 "2001-04-24T23:02:07Z")
For the couple hundred dollars it would have saved the guy, i don’t think he would have minded the phone call all that much. if you really wanted to do it in person, maybe you should have flown over to see him… just my 0.02$. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2001, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/45 "2001-04-24T23:30:06Z")
Simple rule of thumb: when talking to men about serious matters, be direct. That doesn’t mean talk to them like they’re idiots, and it doesn’t mean be cruel. It means that if you want to break up with a guy, tell him “I want to break up with you.” If you meet a guy you like and want to go out with, tell him “I want to go out with you.” Yes, sometimes game-playing works and sometimes it is fun (I hear these things; I don’t know anything about romance or love from personal experience) but if it fails it is just as much the woman’s fault for not sending the right signals as it is the man’s fault for not noticing the signals. Fair enough? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/46 "2001-04-25T01:55:31Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > \*\* > > I think we should see other people > > \*\* > > If a man tells a woman this, she talks to her girlfriends, and they say “Girl, he is just getting ready to dump you and he wants to find a replacement first” and the woman ends the relationship then and there. > > What do you guys think when you hear this? \*\* Or, he already has a replacement for you, and just wants to be able to use the “we agreed to see other people” line when you discover her. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/47 "2001-04-25T02:11:11Z")
Sua - did you talk to these women for a couple of hours, or did you walk up to them and say “Hi, I’m Sua, let’s go to my place”? ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/48 "2001-04-25T15:11:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zyada \* > \*\*Sua - did you talk to these women for a couple of hours, or did you walk up to them and say “Hi, I’m Sua, let’s go to my place”? \*\* Not being a Greek god, I talked to them, with one exception. At a party, a few friends were standing by the bar. I went up to them and started talking, being my usual witty and charming self. 😃 Standing with them was Zorayda, a woman I had never met before. She was very attractive, but I didn’t focus my attention on her or flirt with her (a woman who had recently broken up with me was at the party, and I wasn’t in a flirty kind of mood) - I was talking to the group. I suddenly realized that Zorayda had put her arm around my waist. Not being a moron, I returned the favor. We slept together that night, and were together for the next 3.5 years. So yes, in essence, she walked up to me and said, “hi, I’m Zorayda. Wanna go back to my place?” Sua ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931/49 "2001-04-25T16:27:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zyada \* > QUOTE]What do you guys think when you hear this? Generally it means: “I got this other guy, and he is just great. Were getting married in the fall, I’m already pregnant, and I want you out of town real quick.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unsolicited-advice-for-women/62931.md?page=2)