# Unwelcome crushes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 31, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813 "2003-01-31T04:46:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/1 "2003-01-31T04:46:46Z")
There is a guy I know who lives fairly close by (maybe 20 minutes away) who I’ve known for a couple of years but only met in person twice. He keeps talking about how it’s been too long since we’ve gotten together, etc. I’ve gotten the definite impression that he “likes me” … but the other day was the worst. He tells me how lonely he is, and how he’s been having erotic dreams about people he knows. I sense where this is heading and try to change the subject. He continues. “I’ve had a few about you” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Now understand, this guy is about the most dull person I’ve ever met. He’s also physically unappealing to me. So now I’m all uncomfortable and it sucks. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/2 "2003-01-31T05:16:42Z")
I once had a coworker call me up and tell me that “I’ve never had feelings for a coworker, so I really don’t know how to handle this, but…uh…I was wondering if we could have coffee or something as non-friends.” I waffled, he picked up on that, saying “Or as friends. Whatever.” It was terribly uncomfortable for a while, as we had to work together. It didn’t help that he kept making as point to say “I just wanted to tell you that you look really good today.” He was never skeevy about it, just nervous and uncomfortable. But after a while, he found someone else, and I count him among my best friends now. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/3 "2003-01-31T05:20:40Z")
Maybe you could actually tell him, if he says these kinds of things that you find it really creepy? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/4 "2003-01-31T05:22:24Z")
Well it was just the one time, and I’m hoping that he will get the hint that I didn’t address it. If it continues, I will have to say something. ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Whiskey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/5 "2003-01-31T05:24:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SwimmingRiddles \* > \*\*“I’ve never had feelings for a coworker, so I really don’t know how to handle this, but…uh…I was wondering if we could have coffee or something as non-friends.” \*\* Non-friends? What an awkward term. What, we’re enemies?😛 ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/6 "2003-01-31T05:25:51Z")
Opal, Swiddles, Guin, I’ve never had feelings for a fellow Doper before… ---
**Author:** ![petcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5fc32e/32.png) [@petcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petcat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/7 "2003-01-31T05:34:02Z")
Wow, Opal, between that and the Mexican story you sure do draw 'em. If my Gov’t Mule passes don’t show up can I drive up to Tysons? I’m in a crush mode with a dear girl who lives in Seattle but I’d never be so rude to talk or act ungentlemanly. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/8 "2003-01-31T06:04:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by petcat \* > \*\*Wow, Opal, between that and the Mexican story you sure do draw 'em. \*\* Oh hell, that’s nothing. I’m a loser/psycho magnet bigtime. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/9 "2003-01-31T06:06:47Z")
Ha! I’ve had strange co-workers send _OTHER_ strange co-workers to tell me of their lust. Ya wanna talk about creepy! “_But - he really **LIKES** you…_” Yeek! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/10 "2003-01-31T06:08:25Z")
Oh god it’s like flashback to 3rd grade! ---
**Author:** ![petcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5fc32e/32.png) [@petcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petcat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/11 "2003-01-31T06:10:46Z")
I thought it was cool at my advanced age just to be ABLE to have a crush! ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/12 "2003-01-31T06:41:25Z")
Aren’t you married? Wouldn’t that be kind of a deterrant for crushes? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/13 "2003-01-31T06:48:13Z")
She’s married to a zombie. I think that negates the anti-crush factor. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Washte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Washte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Washte)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/14 "2003-01-31T18:32:52Z")
When I was about 16/17 there was this fella at work who would make several trips per shift past me, making sure he caught my eye, smiled, or chit-chatted if I wasn’t too busy. He was a bit _odd_ to say the least. Not appealing to me at all. Being the kind person I never told him to bugger off, but offered no encouragement. When he started coming by my house to _chat_, my dad had to run him off. Seems I’m a bit of an oddball magnet. ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/15 "2003-01-31T18:39:00Z")
Perhaps you could mention to the aforementioned acquaintance that relaying the fact that he has had “erotic dreams” about you is not the best way to ask for a date. Not even in the top 50. Whatever happened to going out for coffee and mentioning that you look really nice in that sweater? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/16 "2003-01-31T18:59:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JonScribe \* > \*\*Opal, Swiddles, Guin, I’ve never had feelings for a fellow Doper before… \*\* Well, heck, I’ve had _lots_ of feelings for my fellow Dopers…😃 ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/17 "2003-01-31T19:43:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silentgoldfish \* > \*\*Aren’t you married? Wouldn’t that be kind of a deterrant for crushes? \*\* Open marriage. Unfortunately, the guy knows that. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/18 "2003-01-31T19:45:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ol’Gaffer \* > \*\*Perhaps you could mention to the aforementioned acquaintance that relaying the fact that he has had “erotic dreams” about you is not the best way to ask for a date. \*\* Especially considering that the last guy to tell me he had erotic dreams about me then proceeded to unzip his pants and try to force my shirt off. I had him arrested for sexual assault. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/19 "2003-01-31T20:05:16Z")
O P A L ! ! ! Yep - you’re a magnet, all right! Well, with Mr Dullsville, you COULD, if you are as evil as can be… you could just scare the bejeezus out of him… “Why, yes - I’d love to know more about your dreams. Do you mind if I open your skull?” ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813/20 "2003-01-31T20:19:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\*Especially considering that the last guy to tell me he had erotic dreams about me then proceeded to unzip his pants and try to force my shirt off. I had him arrested for sexual assault. \*\* This has happened before?! With somebody else?! Damn. What kind of perfume do you wear? Eau de Nocturnal Emission? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/unwelcome-crushes/151813.md?page=2)