# Upcoming News Stories **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2008, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483 "2008-11-25T21:47:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/21 "2008-11-26T14:50:04Z")
One flight is held for 4+ hours on the tarmac during a snowstorm. Passengers not allowed to leave. There is a 1" snowstorm in DC, resulting in a 100+ car pileup on the Beltway. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/22 "2008-11-26T14:51:31Z")
There will be a football game somewhere, and there will be a hockey game somewhere else. In each case, a team will win, and their local newspaper will put the result on the front page. ---
**Author:** ![Finally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/67e7ee/32.png) [@Finally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finally)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/23 "2008-11-26T18:01:51Z")
An unknown donar will drop $1,000,000 worth of gold dubloons in a Salvation Army kettle. ---
**Author:** ![Finally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/67e7ee/32.png) [@Finally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finally)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/24 "2008-11-26T18:03:00Z")
donor:smack: ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2008, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/25 "2008-11-26T18:19:49Z")
Well, I think an unknown thunder god might have dubloons. ---
**Author:** ![Skylark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Skylark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skylark)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/26 "2008-11-28T06:01:27Z")
Local news stations will cover a water-skiing squirrel, sterile laughter. “Black Friday” and last minute Christmas shopping will be described as a “frenzy”, “chaotic”, “busy” or “hurried”. With a live report here is our correspondent at the mall. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/27 "2008-11-28T06:53:37Z")
An actor will recite words written by another while pretending to be someone else. The actor will become more famous but the writer will continue to be unknown. A photogenic journalist will write a book in the hopes that readers will be as willing to waste their time reading drivel as they are watching it. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/28 "2008-11-28T16:26:02Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > … > > Amy Winehouse will overdose on drugs, proving that Obama is leading western civilization down the road to ruin, even though Winehouse isn’t even an American. > > … Winehouse OD’s on a weekly basis. She’s been doing if for quite some time now. I think that even those who hate Obama wouldhave a hard time finding a way to blame him for it. ---
**Author:** ![ryobserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/29 "2008-11-29T02:13:53Z")
> [@Neidhart](#): > > Chinese toy recalled because it contains lead. And has small parts. And powerful easily swallowed magnets. And fires projectiles that can put out an eye. And when you pull it apart, sharp edges and spikes are revealed. There will be a week of “special tips” stories telling you how to enjoy yourself at holiday parties without gaining massive weight. I’ll summarize them for you: 1. Don’t eat. 2. Don’t eat the high-fat stuff. 3. Don’t drink. 4. Don’t drink the eggnog. Added: After the New Year there will be another week of special tips on losing all the weight you gained anyway. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/30 "2008-11-29T02:59:50Z")
> [@Sefton](#): > > An actor will recite words written by another while pretending to be someone else. The actor will become more famous but the writer will continue to be unknown. “I’m a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.” Sorry, I just watched **Tropic Thunder**. 😛 My headline? “Someone somewhere (unfortunately, probably an elderly poor person) dies without lack of proper heat.” ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/31 "2008-11-29T12:57:59Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > My headline? “Someone somewhere (unfortunately, probably an elderly poor person) dies without lack of proper heat.” Turn someone into someones and you have a yearly UK phenomenon. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/32 "2008-11-29T14:39:01Z")
Right wing media, if economy continues to tank a day after inauguration: “Obama’s Recession Continues to Worsen. Worst President Ever?” Right wing media, if economy improves a day after inauguration: “Bush Economic Plans Bear Fruit. American’s Second-Guessing the Election.” ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/33 "2008-11-29T14:42:07Z")
On the other hand, a number of homes in older American cities (like Boston) will catch fire. Someone will die from carbon monoxide poisoning from using charcoal to heat the house. Probably on Christmas morning. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/34 "2008-11-29T14:52:08Z")
Something bad will happen in New York City. Mayor Bloomberg will be on the radio within five minutes, stating “We do not know the cause, but we have ruled out terrorism.” ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/35 "2008-11-29T14:53:49Z")
In an offhand moment, Obama will say something mildly stupid, just like we all do. However he will be caught on camera saying it and it will be criticized obsessively. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/36 "2008-11-29T19:04:37Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Turn someone into someones and you have a yearly UK phenomenon. ☹ It’s terrible, isn’t it? I’m pretty sure it happens repeatedly every winter in some nothern city of the US (much like a baby is left to die in a car in the summer here in the south) and it’s always heart breaking. If only there was a way to know these people don’t have enough heat (or cooling / whatever), I’m certain plenty of folks would be glad to help. Just like the programs sponsored yearly to buy fans. So sad. ☹ ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2008, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483/37 "2008-11-29T20:11:21Z")
There will be a shooting in the somehundred block of some street. The reporter who they never let come inside will be standing in the street in front of a row house and/or the hospital entrance. This is all the footage or information that they have and will dedicate at least 7 minutes to it. The possibility of snow will be teased in and out of every single commercial break. The citizens of the city of Chicago will rise up as one and will head to Todd Stroger’s home with pitchforks and torches. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/upcoming-news-stories/474483.md?page=1)