# Update on the roommate situation **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2012, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325 "2012-11-27T23:57:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/41 "2012-11-28T20:58:25Z")
> [@](#): > > He might. But I can’t imagine her taking his side unilaterally, after all this. I hope you’re right, but be honest with yourself, if the choice was he lives in her house or she foists him off on you, which do you think she’ll choose? I especially hope you’re right, about this resolving itself, once his schooling is done. That would be awesome for you. But what if he bombs out of school? Then what? Will it come down to she’s got to take him in, or you do? What will you choose if it does? Still want to stay on there, if you must have him as your roommate? Just curious. I’m mostly glad to hear you’re feeling better, about things working out your way! ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/42 "2012-11-28T21:04:39Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Oh, you’re wrong about that. 😉 > > Keep in mind, there’s been a strong reversal since yesterday. I’ll admit, I had been taken in by many of his lies that he’s been saying over the last few weeks, how he orchestrated the purchase of this house while traveling abroad, how he has ultimate power over whether I stay or get kicked out, so I’d better give in to his spoiled petty irrational uncompromising demands or else he’ll make that phone call and it’s all over for me. Well, finally I stopped giving a fuck and said, make the call bitch. He did, and he failed. Now I know he’s been lying to me all this time and I’m rather pissed off about it, but at the same time empowered by the fact that he has NO power at all. So all he can do now is act like an annoying brat. As I said upthread, that ain’t nothin’ to me. > > My sole concern is just how long he can keep this shit up. He can’t escalate because he knows what number I’ll dial, and he can’t spread lies behind my back because everyone knows he’s a liar now. It’s annoying but I have the patience of Job when I know what the real score is. > > Am I enjoying this? Not remotely. But it’s certainly been energizing. That’s the silver lining in all this, I needed a kickstart to get some shit done that’s been piling up the last few months. I read this and wonder, is this normal life you to? When you were growing up, did you simply become accustomed to instability, chaos, arguments, threats, intimidation, insults, and all that crap? Because you say that you have drawn a line at physical violence, but every single other person who is giving you advice is implicitly saying that you should have drawn the red line miles, miles, MILES before violence. I’m confident that nobody here would put up with a roommate that tried to intimidate you with threats about you being kicked out of the place. Nobody here would put up with a roommate that’s constantly argumentative. Nobody here would put up with a roommate who is a serial liar. Nobody here would would up with a roommate that doesn’t pay their way and is a total deadbeat. You have made your own bed by ignoring serious antisocial behavior (“that ain’t nothin’ to me”) and it has escalated to the point of violence. People are telling you to move out **now** only because there is no time machine to go back months (years?) and tell you that you should have moved out way back then. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/43 "2012-11-28T21:18:02Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > However: he’s starting to make up lies about you. If anything escalates, _you_ could go to jail. Don’t think that hasn’t crossed my mind. Been there, done that. However, that only works if the person making up stories is cool, calm and collected, or at least charming enough to get people to believe their lies. It’s not so effective when you’re sweating profusely, shaking like a drug addict, yelling and screaming and threatening to break things. As stated by someone upthread, cops can see right through that crazy shit. > [@elbows](#): > > I hope you’re right, but be honest with yourself, if the choice was he lives in her house or she foists him off on you, which do you think she’ll choose? She’ll probably take him in. He is her youngest son after all, and if he can’t live with friends or deal with other family members, where else is he gonna go? > [@elbows](#): > > I’m mostly glad to hear you’re feeling better, about things working out your way! Thanks, I’m glad to hear that. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/44 "2012-11-28T21:28:42Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > I read this and wonder, is this normal life you to? When you were growing up, did you simply become accustomed to instability, chaos, arguments, threats, intimidation, insults, and all that crap? That’s what I’m wondering - none of this sounds normal to me. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/45 "2012-11-28T21:29:39Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > I read this and wonder, is this normal life you to? When you were growing up, did you simply become accustomed to instability, chaos, arguments, threats, intimidation, insults, and all that crap? I could write a book… > [@Ravenman](#): > > Because you say that you have drawn a line at physical violence, but every single other person who is giving you advice is implicitly saying that you should have drawn the red line miles, miles, MILES before violence. Can’t argue with that. But truth be told, violence isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker. However, one thing I refuse to abide by is LIES. Esp. LIES that I fall into believing. I didn’t raise a fuss before, because he had me convinced that some of his lies were true. And now that I know he was lying all this time – within the last 24 hours, mind you – I’m still smoldering inside. I don’t care if he actually apologizes or seeks help or begs forgiveness at this point (fat chance of that happening anyway) – his weeks of lies have created a rift that will take a very, very long time to mend. > [@Ravenman](#): > > People are telling you to move out **now** only because there is no time machine to go back months (years?) and tell you that you should have moved out way back then. Actually, there’s been a brand new development just as I was typing this. My therapist just sent me word that LLFP actually called HIM this morning (I gave LLFP the number but didn’t expect him to actually use it, so this comes as a BIG surprise!) They haven’t spoken yet, and I don’t know how it will go yet, but he promised me an update later tonight. Things are happening! ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/46 "2012-11-28T21:39:37Z")
Something you should remember. He knows when and where you sleep. While you aren’t afraid of him while you are awake, can you say the same when sleeping? ---
**Author:** ![Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky_the_Wonder_Spirit)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/47 "2012-11-28T22:42:38Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Actually, there’s been a brand new development just as I was typing this. My therapist just sent me word that LLFP actually called HIM this morning (I gave LLFP the number but didn’t expect him to actually use it, so this comes as a BIG surprise!) They haven’t spoken yet, and I don’t know how it will go yet, but he promised me an update later tonight. Things are happening! What the hell kind of therapist gives ‘updates’ about patients to other patients?? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/48 "2012-11-28T22:53:10Z")
> [@Sparky\_the\_Wonder\_Spirit](#): > > What the hell kind of therapist gives ‘updates’ about patients to other patients?? Since when is LLHP his patient? And FYI the “update” is that we’ve scheduled a family meeting next week to talk shit out. Anti-climactic, I know, but life is like that sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/49 "2012-11-28T23:02:41Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Since when is LLHP his patient? And FYI the “update” is that we’ve scheduled a family meeting next week to talk shit out. Anti-climactic, I know, but life is like that sometimes. You made it sound like your brother called a therapist who you also use and the therapist called you immediately after to dish that brother had called. You then made it sound like the therapist said he would call you as soon as he meets with brother to fill you in on all the details. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/50 "2012-11-28T23:16:07Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > You made it sound like your brother called a therapist who you also use and the therapist called you immediately after to dish that brother had called. You then made it sound like the therapist said he would call you as soon as he meets with brother to fill you in on all the details. Which he did. What part are you missing? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/51 "2012-11-29T00:37:45Z")
I’m a little confused. Who owns the house you are living in? Your stepmother? Do you pay rent? Do you have a formal lease? ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/52 "2012-11-29T01:41:08Z")
> [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > I’m a little confused. Who owns the house you are living in? Technically, it’s own by the Dynasty Trust, which was inherited from LLFP’s grandmother when she died two years ago. LLFP is a direct heir, but does not yet have direct access to the money. > [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > Your stepmother? She is one of the trustees, yes. > [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > Do you pay rent? Not market rate, but yes. > [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > Do you have a formal lease? I do, yes. AFAIK, roomie does _not_ have a written lease, but I’m not 100% on whether that’s true or if it even matters, legally speaking. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/53 "2012-11-29T06:36:12Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Which he did. What part are you missing? 😕 The part where the therapist knowingly violated HIPAA and ethical guidelines. There is exactly one way that they could have engaged in this behavior that wouldn’t cause them to run afoul of the licensing board, but you don’t even remotely describe that situation here. So I’m going to have to echo the “WTF” to this part of your saga. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/54 "2012-11-29T09:30:50Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > The part where the therapist knowingly violated HIPAA and ethical guidelines. There is exactly one way that they could have engaged in this behavior that wouldn’t cause them to run afoul of the licensing board, but you don’t even remotely describe that situation here. So I’m going to have to echo the “WTF” to this part of your saga. How is scheduling a group session a violation of HIPAA? ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/55 "2012-11-29T15:24:24Z")
I think what David is getting at is that his half brother called the therapist, therapist called David to explain that half brother wanted a group family meeting, and then called David back to confirm the time. Is that right? I don’t think the therapist called David to say, “Guess who called ME today?” ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/56 "2012-11-29T15:51:42Z")
I think no amount of advice will solve all the fucked uppedness of this situation, so I’m out. Good luck to you, OP. Hope this works out for you. I wouldn’t tolerate living that way, but that’s me. Apparently you have a lower tolerance threshold for fucked uppedness than I do. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/57 "2012-11-29T15:58:11Z")
If his Mom owns the house and is renting to you (you mentioned half-brother, so I assume she isn’t YOUR mom as well) then you really need to move. Or talk to her and explain the situation and have her, as the homeowner, get your brother to move out. It doesn’t sound like he is paying the rent, YOU are, and if you have a lease I am sure HIS name is not on it. Short of that, beat his fucking ass the next time he pulls any violent shit. Then kick him out. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/58 "2012-11-29T16:03:02Z")
> [@Missy2U](#): > > I don’t think the therapist called David to say, “Guess who called ME today?” I don’t understand how that would be a violation? LLFP is not his patient. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/59 "2012-11-29T16:25:50Z")
I think you should let him steal a bunch of money, stab you, and then rape you in the butt. Or maybe you could move. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325/60 "2012-11-29T17:07:09Z")
Sounds like that may be a typical Saturday night for them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/update-on-the-roommate-situation/642325.md?page=4)