# Uproar over "Sexualised Jesus" picture **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** arts-crafts\ **Created:** [February 6, 2024, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185 "2024-02-06T13:43:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2024, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/61 "2024-02-07T16:48:42Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Every sperm is sacred. If so, it seems fitting to deposit one’s sperm in the holiest place possible. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2024, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/62 "2024-02-07T16:59:22Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > > [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > > > Every sperm is sacred. > > If so, it seems fitting to deposit one’s sperm in the holiest place possible. - I tried that. I’m not allowed in The Vatican anymore. They’re not too happy with stampeding cattle, either. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2024, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/63 "2024-02-07T19:01:13Z")
FTR, there’s nothing in the Gospels about Mary Magdalene having been a prostitute. Jesus cast seven demons out of her, none specifically sex-related. She’s not even named as the woman who washed His feet with her hair and _anointed_ (you should pardon the expression) with (spike)nard (truly horrible-smelling stuff; YMMV). Centuries later Pope Gregory I, taking creative liberty, called her a prostitute reformed by Ol’ Jerusalem Slim. A better avatar would be [Imperia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperia_(statue)), an historically loose commemoration of the prostitutes who serviced the clergymen in attendance at the Council of Constance. [![](https://www.mmsp.uni-konstanz.de/fileadmin/informatik/ag-saupe/Images/3D_Surface_Acquisition/Imperia/imperia05.jpg) ](https://www.mmsp.uni-konstanz.de/fileadmin/informatik/ag-saupe/Images/3D_Surface_Acquisition/Imperia/imperia05.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2024, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/64 "2024-02-07T22:54:51Z")
There’s a tradition that Mary the sister of Martha and Lazarus was the same person as Mary Magdalen, and also the same person as the woman caught in adultery who was about to be stoned. But it’s not really based on anything: The Bible never says anything like that, and Magdala (where, surprise surprise, Mary Magdalen was from) is a different place from Cana (where Mary, Martha, and Lazarus were from). While we’re at it, the name “Veronica” isn’t Biblical, either. That’s the name tradition gives to the woman who wiped his face, from the legend that an image of his face remained on the cloth (and thus was a “True Image”, “vera icon”). But playing the odds, the woman who did so was likely to be one of the three Marys, or maybe Martha. It’s possible, of course, that Mary Magdalen was a prostitute, and it’s quite likely that, even if not her, there were at least some prostitutes among Jesus’ following. The Bible does say that he associated with the outcasts of society, and caught some flak for it. ---
**Author:** ![edouglas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@edouglas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edouglas)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/65 "2024-02-08T22:17:26Z")
The bad thing about this image is that it pretends that Jesus was a caucasian European. The scholarly consensus is that he looked like today’s Iraqis (cite: Wikipedia). ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/66 "2024-02-08T22:24:09Z")
Jesus was a Jew. (cite: lots of bumper stickers) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/67 "2024-02-08T22:29:43Z")
If that’s your criteria, how about Jeff Chandler as Our Lord and Savior? [![](https://64-media-tumblr-com.cdn.ampproject.org/i/s/64.media.tumblr.com/80c6180f119d07e590cd9e61c74c235b/97c28ecc6da940e0-5a/s540x810/cd384bdd8d8de33f5f16b01ae66c7dea43a94d2c.gifv) ](https://64-media-tumblr-com.cdn.ampproject.org/i/s/64.media.tumblr.com/80c6180f119d07e590cd9e61c74c235b/97c28ecc6da940e0-5a/s540x810/cd384bdd8d8de33f5f16b01ae66c7dea43a94d2c.gifv) ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/68 "2024-02-08T22:33:56Z")
I’m guessing he was probably closer to Oded Fehr: [![](https://www.giantbomb.com/a/uploads/scale_small/3/34651/2712994-oded%20fehr.jpg) ](https://www.giantbomb.com/a/uploads/scale_small/3/34651/2712994-oded%20fehr.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/69 "2024-02-08T22:36:00Z")
Yabba dabba. 🫣 ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/70 "2024-02-08T22:38:14Z")
I believe that scholars have recently settled on a re-translation of the shortest verse in the Bible John 11:35 as “Jesus waxed.” ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/71 "2024-02-08T22:42:16Z")
Got bad, got it bad, got it bad… ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/72 "2024-02-08T22:48:26Z")
Hey that’s another candidate for beefcake Jewish Jesus. The miracle of the loaves and fishes and hard boiled eggs [![](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N6o1-IZNsgc/VwRoJhLIZaI/AAAAAAAAB9A/Rw4hp1jHtoUspizppQWwI8BcflyoM3Hlw/s1600/Cool%2BHand%2BLuke%2B2.jpg) ](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N6o1-IZNsgc/VwRoJhLIZaI/AAAAAAAAB9A/Rw4hp1jHtoUspizppQWwI8BcflyoM3Hlw/s1600/Cool%2BHand%2BLuke%2B2.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/73 "2024-02-08T23:13:24Z")
You said it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2024, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/74 "2024-02-08T23:14:50Z")
Aww shucks, thanks, I’m touched. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2024, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185/75 "2024-02-14T23:42:45Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > and hard boiled eggs       Don’t much care if it rains or freezes … [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/uproar-over-sexualised-jesus-picture/997185.md?page=3)