# Urinal Etiquette
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [October 30, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600 "2001-10-30T21:06:48Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Robbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robbo)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/1 "2001-10-30T21:06:48Z")
you walk into a mensroom and there are 5 urinals. One is occupied (the second from the right). Do you use the furthest one away (admitting that you are a cowardly wimp with possible stagefright complex), do you use the second from the left (the easy way out), or one of the ones right next to the guy sending a “I dont give a effing damn what the hell anyone thinks especially a tranparent wuss like you” message?
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### Author:  [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/2 "2001-10-30T21:12:29Z")
Second left.
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### Author:  [@micco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/micco)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/3 "2001-10-30T21:13:20Z")
I speak into my cufflink: “give this guy three seconds to clear the door and then you’re go for live fire”. After the guy scurries from the room, I pick without constraint.
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### Author:  [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/4 "2001-10-30T21:16:16Z")
Maybe this link will help you out. Requires Flash.
[The Urinal Game](http://www.flasharcade.com/game.cgi?urinal)
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### Author:  [@Cargogal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cargogal)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/5 "2001-10-30T21:21:13Z")
This one doesn’t require Flash.
[http://user.mc.net/~uder/funny/urinal.html](http://user.mc.net/~uder/funny/urinal.html)
Speaking for myself, nothing clears out a men’s room faster than a woman walking in. I then take my pick. 😃
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### Author:  [@Anachronism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anachronism)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/6 "2001-10-30T21:22:11Z")
Use the one farthest to the left, this allows two others to be used while still leaving the empty urinal privacy gap. The current occupant obviously has no idea what he is doing since by using that urinal there can be only one other user.
X\_X\_X \<— only the Xed urinals should be used, except between periods at a sporting event when it is permitted to use them all.
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/7 "2001-10-30T21:24:41Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Cargogal \*
> \*\*… Speaking for myself, **nothing clears out a men’s room faster than a woman walking in.** I then take my pick. 😃
Particularly if she’s trying to figure out which urinal to use…
I’d go with far left.
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### Author:  [@botheredballs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/botheredballs)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/8 "2001-10-30T21:26:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Anachronism \*
> \*\*Use the one farthest to the left, this allows two others to be used while still leaving the empty urinal privacy gap. The current occupant obviously has no idea what he is doing since by using that urinal there can be only one other user.
>
> X\_X\_X \<— only the Xed urinals should be used, except between periods at a sporting event when it is permitted to use them all. \*\*
Anachronism is completely correct, if someone doesn’t use the farthest urinal, he is being a jerk/wacko.
By the way, I love the troughs they use at most football stadiums, now that’s urinating in a herd!
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### Author:  [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/9 "2001-10-30T21:29:08Z")
Etiquette dictates that you choose the urinal furthest from whomever is currently pissing. It has nothing to do with being a wimp, it’s simply curteous to leave as much gap as possible.
Further, if you are the only person entering the bathroom, it is a sign of Good Character to choose the urinal furthest from the door, so that future patrons may then be able to choose a closer urinal.
The Men’s Room is one of the few places where common courtesy and manners are still a social necessity and indeed, the norm.
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/10 "2001-10-30T21:32:34Z")
Not only do you use the one farthest away, but you do the obligatory “cough” to notify the occupant of your presence. If it’s especially quiet, I’ll sometimes even flush unnecessarily to give the other occupant time to do her business in relative privacy.
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### Author:  [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/11 "2001-10-30T21:49:27Z")
Slight Hijack/Trick Question:
The men’s room has three urinals in it. 2 are normal (left and middle) and the third is one for the kids about a foot off the floor. Urinal #1 (furthest to the left) is occupied. Which one do you take? The middle or the little kids urinal?
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### Author:  [@micco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/micco)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/12 "2001-10-30T22:05:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Whack-a-Mole \*
> \*\*The men’s room has three urinals in it. 2 are normal (left and middle) and the third is one for the kids about a foot off the floor. Urinal #1 (furthest to the left) is occupied. Which one do you take? The middle or the little kids urinal? \*\*
Slight correction: that’s not a kid’s urinal. It’s designed for well-hung adults who don’t like to drape in the water.
Knowing the actual purpose puts a whole different spin on using it, doesn’t it?
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### Author:  [@Anachronism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anachronism)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/13 "2001-10-30T22:05:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Whack-a-Mole \*
> \*\*Slight Hijack/Trick Question:
>
> The men’s room has three urinals in it. 2 are normal (left and middle) and the third is one for the kids about a foot off the floor. Urinal #1 (furthest to the left) is occupied. Which one do you take? The middle or the little kids urinal? \*\*
Trick question – you either use a stall or wait until the other person is done.
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### Author:  [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/14 "2001-10-30T22:19:17Z")
I know - piss in the sink!
Last spring we were at a place west of Vegas. In the men’s john they had a whole frigging bathtub to use as a urinal. Man, was that fun to piss in!
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### Author:  [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/15 "2001-10-30T22:24:01Z")
Use the one the guy is already using. Then come back and tell us what happens.
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### Author:  [@Dale\_The\_Bold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_The_Bold)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/16 "2001-10-30T22:37:57Z")
What if there are only four urinals and number three is being used BUT number one has a turd in it? Two and four are then “buddied” up with the current pisser, but do you piss on some strange log?
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### Author:  [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/17 "2001-10-30T22:56:00Z")
My own personal rules are try to leave at least 1 empty ‘buffer’ urinal between you and the next pisser but don’t position your self in a way that reduces the number of urinals w/ buffer zones available.
If that is not posible chose a urinal that has a buffer (or end) on one side, failing that any available urinal, then the stalls.
If nobody is there upon entering - I chose the 1st (not including the miget). - never the 2nd.
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### Author:  [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)
#### Post date: [October 30, 2001, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/18 "2001-10-30T23:48:17Z")
Off to IMHO.
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/19 "2001-10-31T00:28:20Z")
…and if forced to take the last remaining urinal, never EVER look over the partition at your neighbor and say, “NICE PENIS!”
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### Author:  [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)
#### Post date: [October 31, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/20 "2001-10-31T02:54:30Z")
Dave Barry devoted most of a chapter of his book _Guide to Guys_ to this very subject. I laughed so hard I cried. Then I showed it to my husband, who just said “um, this is true. What’s so funny?”
Anyhoo, according to my husband, the one on the far left is the one you’d take. You just don’t violate the “buffer zone.”
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