# Urinal Etiquette **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 30, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600 "2001-10-30T21:06:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/41 "2001-11-18T04:52:55Z")
Straight men are so weird… ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/42 "2001-11-18T05:35:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Glen Livid \* > \*\*Alright… At my last place of employment, the urinals were INCREDIBLY close to each other. I was always hit with the option of ponying up next to the existing tennant, or checking myself into a stall. I always think less of the guys that go into the stall and just start urinating, because it seems obvious at that point that they are weirded out. > > Getting to my point : if faced with the imminent peril of having to be shoulder to shoulder with another guy…with hands on your respective equipment…should you strike up conversation ? If so…what should be the few allowable points of discussion? e.g.: the bad/good weather, the sporting events of the previous night, (if in a bar or similar setting ) how hot the bartender chick is…etc > > Help me out here. Its why i love those urinals in restraunts that have the newspaper framed on the wall in front of you. At least then you can look like you are busy reading instead of staring blankly at the tile 6" from your face and feeling oddly uncomfortable. \*\* \*\* NO NO NO NO NO NO!\*\* You should never strike up a conversation with the guy:; and especialy don’t start talking about how hot the bartender is when you both have your hands on your penis’s. You might as well just have a cirlcle jerk if your gonna do that. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/43 "2001-11-18T05:54:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Persephone \* > \*\*Dave Barry devoted most of a chapter of his book _Guide to Guys_ to this very subject. I laughed so hard I cried. Then I showed it to my husband, who just said “um, this is true. What’s so funny?” > > Anyhoo, according to my husband, the one on the far left is the one you’d take. You just don’t violate the “buffer zone.” \*\* I laughed my butt off when reading that chapter too. I don’t get it though, if every other urinal isn’t going to be used, why are they there? Without them they could put the urinals the same distance apart as they would be if they were there, but also save water since there’d be less plumbing in the bathroom. From everything I’ve ever heard, even in an emergency situation, no one will use them, and the guy with the emergency will use a stall or try hard not to piss himself until another urnial becomes free, so… ---
**Author:** ![tronvillain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@tronvillain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tronvillain)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/44 "2001-11-18T13:48:09Z")
Caracticus Potts: > [@](#): > > Spell the alphabet on the urinal as you go … if you can’t make it at least to “E” you could have waited longer before going. I’m not sure whether I have a small bladder, or if I just go faster than everyone else (I suspect the latter). Out of curiosity, does anyone ever have to “wait to start going”? I heard someone mention it once and was completely mystified. elfkin477: They’ll all be used if it’s busy enough, and with three urinals “busy enough” probably reached with four or five people. ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2001, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/45 "2001-11-18T15:39:14Z")
One of my former workmates had this to say on the subject of urinal etiquette: “If you can go into the men’s room and tickle the ribs of the guy who’s taking a piss, and both of you laugh about it, then you’re comfortable with your sexuality.” Personally, I don’t care, but be sure to use hands to control the beast. Nothing irritates me more than guys who let gravity take care of it–they invariably wind up pissing on the ground. If I want to freak somebody out, I grab both top corners of the urinal, give them a big shiteating grin, and exclaim “Oh YEAH!” as I finish. Amusing for me, at least. ---
**Author:** ![BoiToi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d26b3c/32.png) [@BoiToi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoiToi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2001, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600/46 "2001-11-19T08:44:55Z")
This thread is hillarious! Try the unrinal game too! I’m for the farthest one. Unless you’ve been following this guy around and want a look-see… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/urinal-etiquette/90600.md?page=2)