# US school cancels prom to avoid lesbian student bringing a date **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108 "2010-03-11T15:28:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/241 "2010-04-07T08:32:21Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > You know, even if everyone is just so nice and polite, it doesn’t mean it’s not a hellhole. Only for the gay residents- I’m sure the remaining 95% of the (heterosexual) population are quite happy with things there, or were until recently. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/242 "2010-04-07T09:42:13Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > What about if it’s made people decide that gay people really _are_ attention-seeking Drama Queens who deserve whatever they get for annoying people? To paraphrase Rebecca West: > [@](#): > > People call me an attention-seeking drama queen whenever I express sentiments that distinguish me from a doormat. To be fair, the only evidence we have that the school would have turned Constance and her partner away or asked them to leave if they danced together is, y’know, the school saying so, and the school’s written policy saying so. So there’s no reason to think it might have actually happened. \ ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/243 "2010-04-07T11:25:02Z")
> [@Grave](#): > > As I stated before ma’am or sir, I feel the policy is incorrect. While the staff at the high school might be understanding, the community is not. Many are of a religous view that sees homosexuality as a sin, so there won’t be a simple statement of change. It would be hotly debated and perhaps even defeated the first few times it was tabled. Still, if that is what Constance sought she could have attempted to change it by addressing the board. And hence a lawsuit. Because no matter what the community at large thinks about homosexuality, a public school is in _violation of federal law_ by having the rule on the books that Constance was told (and the school district _affirmed in court_) would be used against her and her date to limit their ability to attend the prom in the fashion that they wished. The community can hate that all they want. The school board can want to vote against a change all they want, as many times as they want, for as many years as they want. But that doesn’t change federal law nor give this community carte blanche to be recalcitrant in their bigotry and take their good sweet time to catch up with civilization, and too bad, so sad for whatever students are oppressed by the rule in the meantime. And no, it doesn’t matter if the principal had ignored the rule for some students in the past. In fact, that makes it worse, because any time you have a rule that is only arbitrarily applied it opens the door to that rule being used selectively and punitively at some administrator’s whim (as appears to be the case here, if your report has any accuracy) which is an untenable situation of favoritism, and it also flies in the face of this notion that changing the rule would actually be the horrible affront to community standards that the school claimed it would be. You can’t have it both ways and say “the time isn’t right to change this rule, but we didn’t really follow it… much… anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/244 "2010-04-07T11:54:12Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > What about if it’s made people decide that gay people really _are_ attention-seeking Drama Queens who deserve whatever they get for annoying people? > > Getting people to “Talk about issues” isn’t always a good thing. So gay people are ok as long as they don’t get uppity? ---
**Author:** ![Grave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/71c47a/32.png) [@Grave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grave)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/245 "2010-04-07T12:00:45Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > If this is actually true, why has no one in the school administration said anything about it to the media? This thread is answer enough to that question - not a single news source I have seen reported this as anything other than a sensationalized tale of an oppressed youth. Bashing Mississippi and making snap assumptions is popular it seems; why would the school staff or school board think anything they would say would be reported honestly and fairly? As another poster mentioned, I am sure liabilty rules also come into play. This is all my position, btw, it did not discuss media rules of engagement with anyone who was involved. [Quote=Gyrate] To be fair, the only evidence we have that the school would have turned Constance and her partner away or asked them to leave if they danced together is, y’know, the school saying so, and the school’s written policy saying so. So there’s no reason to think it might have actually happened. [/quote] Actually as I stated before, this had happened in previous years and no one cared. So Constance had no reason to expect problems for her prom. [Quote=Merneith] lots [/quote] Sure the rule should be fought, but do you really think a letter and lawsuit the month before the prom makes a valid attempt? This was not a new policy, nor one Constance could have been unaware of as a student there. Why wait until the event had almost occured? Actually, if you read your cite she never asked them to change the rule at all - she just wanted a proclamation for her and her date’s safe passage. For the record, it isn’t ‘my’ town. I had hoped to help people understand that the situation wasn’t as one sided and Constance, rather than some torch bearer for liberation, was just a teenager whose questionable demands made for good news. > [@tumbleddown](#): > > The community can hate that all they want. The school board can want to vote against a change all they want, as many times as they want, for as many years as they want. But that doesn’t change federal law nor give this community carte blanche to be recalcitrant in their bigotry and take their good sweet time to catch up with civilization, and too bad, so sad for whatever students are oppressed by the rule in the meantime. Of course it doesn’t - but as I mentioned before the student had years to fight this rule. Is it so hard to believe she did it more for attention than the actually change anything? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/246 "2010-04-07T12:39:44Z")
There are limits to the power of government to force social change. In this case, Ms. McMillen sought to require the school to let her attend prom with her female date. When the school refused, she filed suit. She did not, by the way, win on a claim that she had an Equal Protection or Due Process right to attend. The court that heard her claim said she intended to communicate a message by donning a tuxedo and attending with a female date, and that by canceling the prom, the school improperly restricted her First Amendment right to convey that message. But the court stopped short of ordering the school to have the prom, primarily because of the representations that parents would conduct an alternate event that was open to all. And apparently they did, but very few students attended, opting instead for yet a third party or parties. So… in future years, if the school simply drops “prom” from its list of sponsored events, a similarly-situated student may be out of luck. Which is… unfortunate. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/247 "2010-04-07T13:09:42Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Actually, I think that what’s happened isn’t great, but I think it does rather vindicate what I’ve been saying throughout the whole thread: She’s made herself really, really, REALLY unpopular and the people who live there have rather made their point on the subject. > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > What about if it’s made people decide that gay people really _are_ attention-seeking Drama Queens who deserve whatever they get for annoying people? > > Getting people to “Talk about issues” isn’t always a good thing. > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Only for the gay residents- I’m sure the remaining 95% of the (heterosexual) population are quite happy with things there, or were until recently. Yeah, we get it. People who aren’t in the mainstream–gays, blacks, Aboriginals–should just shut up and stop making life difficult for the normies, right. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/248 "2010-04-07T13:16:54Z")
> [@Grave](#): > > Sure the rule should be fought, but do you really think a letter and lawsuit the month before the prom makes a valid attempt? This was not a new policy, nor one Constance could have been unaware of as a student there. Why wait until the event had almost occured? So, homosexuals should just wait, and be quiet, and things will change. Eventually. Someday. At some point. When uptight, frightened straight people say so. Good things come to those who wait, right? Pat on the head for being a good little gay. A quiet little gay. An obedient little gay. Pat. Pat. Pat. That’ll work. [QUOTE=Martini Enfield] What about if it’s made people decide that gay people really are attention-seeking Drama Queens who deserve whatever they get for annoying people? [/QUOTE] Well, I’d say they were bigoted assholes who deserve what they get: being made uncomfortable, being made to look like fools on the wrong side of history, being made fun of, being considered bigoted assholes. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/249 "2010-04-07T13:21:22Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Pat on the head for being a good little gay. A quiet little gay. An obedient little gay. Pat. Pat. Pat. Ha ha! You’ve got _gay cooties_ on your _hand_ now! ---
**Author:** ![Grave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/71c47a/32.png) [@Grave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grave)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/250 "2010-04-07T13:28:29Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > So, homosexuals should just wait, and be quiet, and things will change. Eventually. Someday. At some point. When uptight, frightened straight people say so. Good things come to those who wait, right? Pat on the head for being a good little gay. A quiet little gay. An obedient little gay. Pat. Pat. Pat. > > That’ll work. No, and if you took that from my posting I am sorry. It would have been a much better move to begin fighting this when she learned about the rule if she did not agree with it. Perhaps at one of the monthly board meetings, or go straight to the the ACLU (or a similar organization) when she entered high school three or four years prior and was notified of it. [Quote=Bricker] So… in future years, if the school simply drops “prom” from its list of sponsored events, a similarly-situated student may be out of luck. Which is… unfortunate. [/quote] Actually, I think the school won’t drop the prom but I do fear it causing a rise in private, alternate events. Which is just as bad if not worse. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/251 "2010-04-07T13:34:47Z")
> [@ToeJam](#): > > A (terrible) analogy to me would be if Rosa Parks sat on a Bus and refused to move, yet someone said, “Hey, forget about it, just take my seat and I’ll go to the back of the bus”. [That’s what happened.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montgomery_Bus_Boycott#Rosa_Parks) Parks stayed in her seat when a few other black passengers moved: > [@](#): > > On Thursday, December 1, 1955, Rosa Parks was sitting in the front-most row for black people. When a Caucasian man boarded the bus, the bus driver, James F. Blake, told everyone in her row to move back to create a new row for the whites. While all of the other black people in her row complied, Rosa refused, Anyway, **Grave** , it’s great that (at least in theory) Constance might have been able to go to the prom with her girlfriend. But the policy is still wrong and she was right to protest it regardless, and those kinds of rules need to come off the books and not just be ignored. Otherwise the leniency could end whenever the current principal leaves or changes his mind, or if the board of education starts putting pressure on the school to stick to the letter of the policy. There’s a reason people say a verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/252 "2010-04-07T14:09:03Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > [That’s what happened.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montgomery_Bus_Boycott#Rosa_Parks) Parks stayed in her seat when a few other black passengers moved: I think Grave means, what if the white folks moved and gave up their seats. That would have been a good thing to do but the stupid rule remained. > [@](#): > > Anyway, **Grave** , it’s great that (at least in theory) Constance might have been able to go to the prom with her girlfriend. But the policy is still wrong and she was right to protest it regardless, What I understand **Grave** ’s comments to mean: she would have had a much greater chance of sucess if she hadn’t waited until the 11th hour. I think everybody agrees the rule is stupid and should be abolished. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/253 "2010-04-07T14:32:14Z")
> [@Grave](#): > > Actually, I think the school won’t drop the prom but I do fear it causing a rise in private, alternate events. Which is just as bad if not worse. Yes. Because, really, what can she do? The courts won’t order the hosts of a private party to invite her. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/254 "2010-04-07T14:39:58Z")
> [@Freudian Slit](#): > > like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco. If that’s indeed the case, why weren’t the special needs students invited to the party in the boondocks? What about the few other … uhhh, for lack of a better word, “normal” students who attended the decoy country club prom? Were those kids making a stand and supporting Constance, or were they unpopular dorks, dweebs and Aspies shunned from the other party? ---
**Author:** ![Grave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/71c47a/32.png) [@Grave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grave)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/255 "2010-04-07T15:34:40Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Anyway, **Grave** , it’s great that (at least in theory) Constance might have been able to go to the prom with her girlfriend. But the policy is still wrong and she was right to protest it regardless, and those kinds of rules need to come off the books and not just be ignored. Otherwise the leniency could end whenever the current principal leaves or changes his mind, or if the board of education starts putting pressure on the school to stick to the letter of the policy. There’s a reason people say a verbal agreement isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. As NinetyWt noticed, I agree with your assertion that it should be changed and have not said otherwise. This projection on Constance as some great righter of wrongs is just false; and even if it were truthful she could not have gone about it in a less productive manner. Debating the merits of the school board’s policy is not my intention here, sharing first hand information is. > [@Bricker](#): > > Yes. Because, really, what can she do? The courts won’t order the hosts of a private party to invite her. Exactly, and while it won’t be her that faces the problem the legacy she is leaving for younger students is poor. > [@elmwood](#): > > If that’s indeed the case, why weren’t the special needs students invited to the party in the boondocks? What about the few other … uhhh, for lack of a better word, “normal” students who attended the decoy country club prom? Were those kids making a stand and supporting Constance, or were they unpopular dorks, dweebs and Aspies shunned from the other party? Pardon if this seems agressive, but are you really that out of touch with how teenagers work? When kids have a party, they invite the people they want to associate with - wrong as it may be that rarely includes the special needs kids. I’d wager it didn’t include quite a few other social misfits that are just not on the radar as it were. That is why the school holding the prom was important in the first place as it removed the need for invitations. To quote a teacher - “the few people who showed up were the friends that she still had”. The private proms were mostly planned at the last minute by students (as the post someone sniped from Facebook shows) who really didn’t care about Constance, or what viewers see as a social injustice, or any of the issues the internet has wrapped up into this bruhaha. They wanted a party with their friends as a final hurrah. The only reason Constance wasn’t part of that was her. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/256 "2010-04-07T15:46:55Z")
> [@Grave](#): > > To quote a teacher - “the few people who showed up were the friends that she still had”. The private proms were mostly planned at the last minute by students (as the post someone sniped from Facebook shows) who really didn’t care about Constance, or what viewers see as a social injustice, or any of the issues the internet has wrapped up into this bruhaha. They wanted a party with their friends as a final hurrah. The only reason Constance wasn’t part of that was her. The problem is that there were two issues I suspect Constance wanted addressed. She wanted the school officials to treat her desire to date a female exactly as they treated other girls’ desire to date males: as expected, ordinary, and a non-issue. That’s a very reasonable expectation. She also wanted the school social community, the students, to accept her and her her desire to date a female exactly as they treated other girls’ desire to date males. That’s also a reasonable expectation. But unfortunately for her, only one of those expectations corresponds to a legal right. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/257 "2010-04-07T15:50:42Z")
> [@Grave](#): > > This projection on Constance as some great righter of wrongs is just false Your view appears to be that she did this just for the hell of it because she is disagreeable or wants attention. I’m not convinced. > [@](#): > > and even if it were truthful she could not have gone about it in a less productive manner. She could have raised the issue earlier, but for whatever reason - deciding this was the best time, or not wanting to have to deal with the flack for four years - she didn’t. I don’t think that’s a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/258 "2010-04-07T15:50:56Z")
But what would the harm have been in just inviting Constance to the other prom, where the majority of students were? They obviously weren’t trying to avoid a brouhaha–this has caused further talk and news stories. I’m just getting the unpleasant sense that they wanted to avoid her altogether. It seems that it’s fine to be gay as long as you don’t bother anyone else with it. If you try to drag people out of the dark ages by telling them their policy is wrong, they’ll be pissed and punish you for it? ---
**Author:** ![Grave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/71c47a/32.png) [@Grave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grave)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/259 "2010-04-07T16:38:36Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Your view appears to be that she did this just for the hell of it because she is disagreeable or wants attention. I’m not convinced. > She could have raised the issue earlier, but for whatever reason - deciding this was the best time, or not wanting to have to deal with the flack for four years - she didn’t. I don’t think that’s a big deal. No, I don’t think she did it just because of that, but I think both those factors played into how she did it. The big deal (and this is probably a cultural difference) is that she chose to act in a rash manner with little hope for success. There was a well known tradition of allowing same sex couples all the freedoms mixed sex couples had. She had even been seen expressing affection to her partner with no abnormal action taken against her at school. If she had no reason to expect a problem, nor any expressed desire to affect procedural change, why would she act the way she did? Again, she was part of the community and knew how they would react to being provoked. Demanding what amounts to a huge change for a small community in a short time over a dance? Not an intelligent way to act, nor a way anyone could expect a good result from. Still, thank you for taking the time to read what I wrote and at least consider it. That is all I hoped for. > [@Freudian Slit](#): > > But what would the harm have been in just inviting Constance to the other prom, where the majority of students were? They obviously weren’t trying to avoid a brouhaha–this has caused further talk and news stories. I’m just getting the unpleasant sense that they wanted to avoid her altogether. It seems that it’s fine to be gay as long as you don’t bother anyone else with it. If you try to drag people out of the dark ages by telling them their policy is wrong, they’ll be pissed and punish you for it? What they were trying to avoid - and did - was outside influences. Photographers, television crews, et al were all present for the prom she attended. The other kids had a night where none of that existed and they could just be themselves again. Remember, avoidance is a primary tool of conflict resolution for teenagers. Constance was the problem to them, and she was avoided. Not her homosexuality - I know of at least one gay couple who attended a different event - but the situation she chose to create. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108/260 "2010-04-07T16:41:45Z")
> [@Grave](#): > > The big deal (and this is probably a cultural difference) is that she chose to act in a rash manner with little hope for success. […] If she had no reason to expect a problem, nor any expressed desire to affect procedural change, why would she act the way she did? But it appears she DID want a procedural change. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/us-school-cancels-prom-to-avoid-lesbian-student-bringing-a-date/532108.md?page=14)