# USE THE SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON! EXPLODE THE COWS! Newslink **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 19, 2012, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259 "2012-04-19T09:43:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/1 "2012-04-19T09:43:36Z")
Press the Bovine Self-Destruct Button Comrades! Quickly! Before James Bond 007 arrives! > **[Frozen Colorado cows may be blown up](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-17750245)** > > A group of stray cows that froze to death in the Colorado mountains must be blown up or set on fire to avoid water contamination, officials say. > [@](#): > > A group of stray cows that froze to death in the Colorado mountains must be blown up or set on fire to avoid water contamination, forestry officials say. > > The carcasses were discovered near the Conundrum Hot Springs in Aspen by two Air Force Academy cadets in late March. > > The cows were found in a ranger cabin where it is thought they wandered during a snowstorm after they were separated from the herd last year. > > The plan is to remove the dead animals before they begin to thaw. “Ranger Cabin”? HA! Obviously a Secret Mountaintop Bovine Lair™! ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/2 "2012-04-19T10:15:03Z")
it’s just the Necromancers doing a Secret Cow Level run. they must have gotten impatient waiting for the 15th of May. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/3 "2012-04-19T12:54:32Z")
Pardon my question, but how could “blowing them up” possibly prevent water contamination? Isn’t the issue bacterial contamination from decaying flesh in the water? Are they going to blow them into _very, very tiny bits_ that even bacteria can’t feed on? Take off and nuke the cows from orbit, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/4 "2012-04-19T13:07:35Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Pardon my question, but how could “blowing them up” possibly prevent water contamination? Isn’t the issue bacterial contamination from decaying flesh in the water? > > Are they going to blow them into _very, very tiny bits_ that even bacteria can’t feed on? Take off and nuke the cows from orbit, maybe? I had the same question. Only the cows aren’t in water – they’re in a cabin. Still, how “blowing them up” will prevent water contamination isn’t at all clear to me. I’m sure all those dead squirrels, mice, and other creatures in the area don’t contribute a _thinh_ to contaminating the water. But cows are walking vats of contamination. “Or burn them”? Is it possible that the contamination problem is one of _alien_ contamination? Maybe these are “things” like in the 1982 Carpenter film _The Thing_ and last year’s prequel. They burned all those things, or blew them up, to prevent contamination! We must prevent alien replicating organisms from gaining a toehold, even in Colorado. ---
**Author:** ![GreasyJack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@GreasyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreasyJack)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/5 "2012-04-19T13:26:02Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Pardon my question, but how could “blowing them up” possibly prevent water contamination? Isn’t the issue bacterial contamination from decaying flesh in the water? > > Are they going to blow them into _very, very tiny bits_ that even bacteria can’t feed on? Take off and nuke the cows from orbit, maybe? If you blast them into smithereens, those smithereens will decompose and/or be eaten by small critters a lot faster than just leaving a half-ton pile of festering beef. Though the media has this story all wrong. The unusual part of it is that some cows got into the cabin, not that they’re going to blow them up. Using explosives to dispose of dead stock in wilderness areas is a pretty routine Forest Service procedure. Usually the issue isn’t water contamination, but big predators. If some unfortunate mule or pack horse dies on a trail or near a campground or cabin, they don’t want bears and other big critters learning that sometimes there are giant free meat feasts near places humans frequent. I never did fully understand how chainsaws run counter to the Wilderness Act’s ethos, but dynamite somehow doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/6 "2012-04-19T14:44:52Z")
> [@GreasyJack](#): > > I never did fully understand how chainsaws run counter to the Wilderness Act’s ethos, but dynamite somehow doesn’t. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/7 "2012-04-19T15:10:54Z")
There are certain cases where using explosives to blow the carcass into bitre-sized chunks is strongly contra-indicated: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/1_t44siFyb4/hqdefault.jpg "The Exploding Whale") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_t44siFyb4) The most famous example. Funnier version: > **[exploding whale - Yahoo Video Search Results](https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=exploding%2Bwhale)** > > The search engine that helps you find exactly what you're looking for. Find the most relevant information, video, images, and answers from all across the Web. Story: > **[Exploding whale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_whale)** > > There have been several cases of exploding whale carcasses due to a buildup of gas in the decomposition process. This would occur if a whale stranded itself ashore. Actual explosives have also been used to assist in disposing of whale carcasses, ordinarily after towing the carcass out to sea, and as part of a beach cleaning effort. It was reported as early as 1928, when an attempt to preserve a carcass failed due to faulty chemical usages. > A widely reported case of an exploding whale occurred ... ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/8 "2012-04-19T15:18:25Z")
There’s an entire website devoted to this: [http://theexplodingwhale.com/](http://theexplodingwhale.com/) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/9 "2012-04-19T15:23:27Z")
There’s an entire website devoted to this: [http://theexplodingwhale.com/](http://theexplodingwhale.com/) ---
**Author:** ![GreasyJack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@GreasyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreasyJack)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/10 "2012-04-19T16:22:54Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > :rolleyes: What’s with the rolley eyes? I’m not talking about Joe Schmoe walking into a wilderness area to do some recreational chainsawing-- I’m talking about Forest Service employees who aren’t allowed to use chainsaws or any other form of mechanized equipment while doing trail maintenance and conservation work in wilderness areas, but they are allowed to use dynamite. Imagine you have to clear a big stump out of the way for a trail repair or drainage project. You can either cut it into pieces with a chainsaw and pull it out of the ground, or you can blow it up with dynamite. Which would _you_ consider the lesser of those two evils, in terms of preserving a wilderness that provides tranquility and solitude and is free of human impact? Not that they use dynamite routinely (except for blowing up dead animals), but if there’s a project that can’t be tackled with hand tools, it’s currently easier for them to get permission to use dynamite than power equipment. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/11 "2012-04-19T16:38:03Z")
> [@GreasyJack](#): > > What’s with the rolley eyes? I’m not talking about Joe Schmoe walking into a wilderness area to do some recreational chainsawing-- I’m talking about Forest Service employees who aren’t allowed to use chainsaws or any other form of mechanized equipment while doing trail maintenance and conservation work in wilderness areas, but they are allowed to use dynamite. Imagine you have to clear a big stump out of the way for a trail repair or drainage project. You can either cut it into pieces with a chainsaw and pull it out of the ground, or you can blow it up with dynamite. Which would _you_ consider the lesser of those two evils, in terms of preserving a wilderness that provides tranquility and solitude and is free of human impact? Not that they use dynamite routinely (except for blowing up dead animals), but if there’s a project that can’t be tackled with hand tools, it’s currently easier for them to get permission to use dynamite than power equipment. I suspect she thought you were talking about logging. I had no idea that Forest Service workers were not allowed to use chainsaws for trail maintenance. It now makes sense why there was a huge fallen tree in the middle of a trail on the Blue Ridge Parkway. ---
**Author:** ![GreasyJack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@GreasyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreasyJack)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2012, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/use-the-self-destruct-button-explode-the-cows-newslink/619259/12 "2012-04-19T16:52:53Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I suspect she thought you were talking about logging. I had no idea that Forest Service workers were not allowed to use chainsaws for trail maintenance. It now makes sense why there was a huge fallen tree in the middle of a trail on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Only in federally-designated Wilderness Areas. On normal Forest Service land they can use all the implements of destruction offered by the modern world.