# Useless consumer products **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2012, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139 "2012-08-11T01:25:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/21 "2012-08-14T01:56:27Z")
I bought one of the “as seen on TV” personal trimmers as a mustache trimmer a while back because I thought the design was better than any I’d seen (nice grip, well-positioned LED light). It IS nicely designed, on paper. In reality, the mechanical and electronic elements are so poor that it barely functions. Boo. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/22 "2012-08-14T02:53:43Z")
> [@heathen\_earthling](#): > > There’s a whole site dedicated to this topic: [http://theworstthingsforsale.com/](http://theworstthingsforsale.com/) Oh my god. I love you. I love the blogger more, but seriously - I need a new keyboard after the Chia seeds bit. Thank you. It had been a rough Monday. > [@](#): > > It’s also worth noting that the companies selling chia try to imbue the seeds with the **“secrets of the ancients”** mystique. _Native Americans would eat chia_, they say! \*They would bring a big bag of chia and just eat the chia when they went on trips! \*That’s because they didn’t have Lunchables, dipshits. ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/23 "2012-08-14T03:38:24Z")
> [@california\_jobcase](#): > > There have been many products that try to fix a problem that doesn’t exist. Back in the nineties, some company tried selling canned fruit juice concentrate that was shelf stable, so people wouldn’t have to wait for the frozen kind to thaw any more. > > I never heard of _ **anyone** _ waiting for frozen OJ concentrate to thaw- run the tap over the unopened can, open it, plop out the OJ, add water and stir. Instant cold OJ! > > The new stuff went off the market in six months. I remember actually buying something like that in the early 2000’s. My daughter’s preschool required parents to bring in snacks on a rotating basis. They required that the drink be 100% juice (as opposed to “juices” that had added sugar in them.) Once of the things that fit the bill and must have been fairly inexpensive was shelf stable juice concentrate that came in cans that looked like pop cans. I don’t remember OJ being an option…I think I always bought apple juice. Was it good? I can’t remember. It was easier to bring than the frozen kind and cheaper than the bottled stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/24 "2012-08-14T05:38:10Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > I was amused to see frozen monkey bread at the grocery store. Perfect for people who can’t figure how to peel open a tube of fridge biscuits and dip them in melted butter, I guess. Frozen monkey bread? Fridge biscuits? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/25 "2012-08-14T12:26:20Z")
[Monkey bread](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_bread) is made with [fridge biscuits.](http://www.grocerycouponguide.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/free-Pillsbury-grand-biscuits-400x271.jpg) (AKA whomp biscuits for how you peel the label off then whomp them against the edge of the counter to pop the can open) It’s so easy to make that having a ready-made frozen version is like selling pre-peeled bananas as a convenience item. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/26 "2012-08-14T13:58:07Z")
The Ab Rocker. (Yes I had one.) Apparently they’re less efficient than just doing normal crunches. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/27 "2012-08-14T14:09:26Z")
The item that always baffles me a little is the hard plastic container for a banana. E.g. [http://www.bananaguard.com/](http://www.bananaguard.com/) I’ve heard that they’re somewhat popular, but my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis). ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/28 "2012-08-14T14:17:32Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > The item that always baffles me a little is the hard plastic container for a banana. E.g. [http://www.bananaguard.com/](http://www.bananaguard.com/) > > I’ve heard that they’re somewhat popular, but my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis). But what if you want to carry a banana in the front pocket of your skinny jeans? The thing is a godsend I tells ya. ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/29 "2012-08-14T14:17:58Z")
Plus, bananas come in varying sizes and degrees of curvature. How could you guarantee that every banana is going to fit in that case? (Plus, it’s dumb.) ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/30 "2012-08-14T14:20:33Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis). That’s what SHE said! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/31 "2012-08-14T14:32:58Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > The item that always baffles me a little is the hard plastic container for a banana. E.g. [http://www.bananaguard.com/](http://www.bananaguard.com/) > > I’ve heard that they’re somewhat popular, but my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis). See your banana guard and raise with [a banana slicer.](http://www.amazon.com/Stuff-Deals-57l-Hutzler-Banana/dp/B000MSA9AQ) ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/32 "2012-08-14T14:58:33Z")
I’m always amazed by all the incredibly stupid stuff they try and sell on kid’s channels. The only thing I can think of is that these products are aimed at clueless adults who seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a kid. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/33 "2012-08-14T15:06:33Z")
My mom bought my 14 year old sister a pseudo guitar (operated by around 5 keys) that was also an MP3 player, the schtick being that you could pretend to rock out with your favorite tunes. However, when you played the notes on the “guitar”, the music _stopped_. :smack::smack::smack: Now, I’m not sure if my sister would have liked it had it worked as implied, but as it was it was a massive fail. If it had worked as advertised, _I_ might have wanted one! ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/34 "2012-08-14T15:40:20Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > The item that always baffles me a little is the hard plastic container for a banana. E.g. [http://www.bananaguard.com/](http://www.bananaguard.com/) > > I’ve heard that they’re somewhat popular, but my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis). I have two Bananaguards in my bag right now. I cycle to work, carrying lunch and a change of clothes in a rucksack, and let me tell you, a naked banana under those conditions is not a pretty sight by the time I get to work. I think they’re great, and they _work exactly as advertised_ but obviously you’re not in the target market! (And **gallows fodder** - sure, not every banana fits, but I’d say at least 80% do. The giant ones sometimes don’t, but for moderately sized bananas, they’ll mostly fit in regardless of curvature, because the guard has a straight section and a curve at one end. Straighter bananas fit at one end, very curvy ones at the other, and moderately curvy ones fit somewhere in the middle. It’s actually quite a clever design.) ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/35 "2012-08-14T15:51:28Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > Oh my god. I love you. I won’t go that far, but I have added it to my RSS feed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/36 "2012-08-14T16:41:36Z")
Not a useless product, but a useless container: Pickle relish in a squeeze bottle. It’s a very efficient way to get your buns wet. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/37 "2012-08-14T16:44:06Z")
> [@gallows\_fodder](#): > > Plus, bananas come in varying sizes and degrees of curvature. How could you guarantee that every banana is going to fit in that case? (Plus, it’s dumb.) Read the FAQ: > [@](#): > > Q: “Not all bananas are the same size or shape, so how can the Banana Guard fit them all?” > > A: The Banana Guard was specially designed to accommodate the majority of banana sizes. Our testing indicates that over 95% of commercially available bananas will fit into the Banana Guard. Highly curved bananas can be straightened ever-so-slightly without harm to fit the Banana Guard shape. The opposite holds true of very straight bananas. * * * > [@tdn](#): > > Not a useless product, but a useless container: Pickle relish in a squeeze bottle. It’s a very efficient way to get your buns wet. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/38 "2012-08-14T17:25:36Z")
> [@hogarth](#): > > The item that always baffles me a little is the hard plastic container for a banana. E.g. [http://www.bananaguard.com/](http://www.bananaguard.com/) > > I’ve heard that they’re somewhat popular, but my lunch bag has never been suscepted to banana-rupturing forces (let alone on a regular basis). Has Kirk Cameron heard of this product? ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/39 "2012-08-14T17:25:48Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Diaper Genie- > > You buy the unit, you buy the plastic bag inserts, you open the lid and insert soiled diaper and close then turn the lid three rotations. When full you empty a string of wrapped diaper bundles. Buy more plastic inserts. > OR > > Save the insane amount of plastic bags every shop gives you, keep them flattened on a clip next to the changing table. Pull bag off, shake open and toss diaper in and then tie in a knot and toss in trash. Your hand comes in no more contact with the diaper than with DG, plus it is free. > > 😕Unless you have trouble with knotting a plastic bag due to some disability why use a diaper genie? In fact cranking the thing for three rotations seems harder., I am so with you on this but the fact is, they are very popular. I received one for my baby shower, used it once or twice and gave it away. While I didn’t use grocery bags, I purchased quart and eventually gallon bags from the dollar store and used those. Quick, easy and about the same price as the diaper genie refills. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139/40 "2012-08-14T19:02:45Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > My mom bought my 14 year old sister a pseudo guitar (operated by around 5 keys) that was also an MP3 player, the schtick being that you could pretend to rock out with your favorite tunes. However, when you played the notes on the “guitar”, the music _stopped_. :smack::smack::smack: Now, I’m not sure if my sister would have liked it had it worked as implied, but as it was it was a massive fail. If it had worked as advertised, _I_ might have wanted one! That reminds me of a mini piano/synthesizer my parents bought me, it was decent looking but if you held down 2 or more keys at a time, only one not played. Not so good for learning piano chords. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-consumer-products/631139.md?page=3)