# Useless crap that you want. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608 "2002-05-12T07:46:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2002, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/61 "2002-05-13T17:03:26Z")
A .50 Sniper Rifle (not to kill things-- just for super long range target practice). A Ford F-150 Pick-up Truck. A new Camelback Blowfish. A set of third generation Night vision goggles. A digital camcorder- the smaller and fancier the better. And a green laser pointer. I need NONE of these things- but desire them nevertheless. _-me_ ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2002, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/62 "2002-05-13T17:10:19Z")
A .50 Sniper Rifle (not to kill things-- just for super long range target practice). A Ford F-150 Pick-up Truck. A new Camelback Blowfish. A set of third generation Night vision goggles. A digital camcorder- the smaller and fancier the better. And a green laser pointer. I need NONE of these things- but desire them nevertheless. _-me_ ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2002, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/63 "2002-05-13T17:48:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scr4 \* > \*\*What’s a lightmill? Is that the same as a [radiometer](http://www.scientificsonline.com/Products/DisplayProduct.cfm?productid=1484)? > > I really want a Van de Graff generator. And that device which has two wires sticking up, and a discharge arc travels up between the wires. (What do you call those anyway?) \*\* \*\*scr4 \*\* you wacky little abbreviation, you! You’re a _Frankenstein_ fan, ain’tcha? 🆒 😃 The device you mention is called a Jacob’s Ladder. ---
**Author:** ![kryptonite2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/85e7bf/32.png) [@kryptonite2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kryptonite2)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2002, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/64 "2002-05-13T18:40:14Z")
holy shit. i just spent the last two days at work online reading about green laser pointers. i think my life would be complete if i had a green laser pointer. i have no idea what i’d do with it except annoy my friends. seriously though, i think you could sell me anything as long as it was a) sufficiently shiny and/or b) fluorescent green. maybe all us green laser junkies should start a club and see if we can get some of these puppies in bulk for a discount. i think we need a green laser thread. modified lasers!! [http://greenlaser.crosswinds.net/index.htm](http://greenlaser.crosswinds.net/index.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2002, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/65 "2002-05-13T18:55:35Z")
A self cooking kitchen. 😃 A tractor with a shovel and a rototiller. I do need one of these things. Really. I hate asking my friend to come over twice a year to dig up my garden so I can plant. If i did have one my entire yard (2.5 acres) would be a corn field and pumpkin patch. Oh, and I’d dig a big swimmin’ hole too. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2002, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/66 "2002-05-13T21:20:45Z")
Always wanted a bazooka. Also: -A flyable P-51 Mustang, an X-15, and a corporate-lurury appointed 747. Oh yeah, a jet pack, even with a 40 second fuel supply (makes it _especially_ useless). -Flying lessons for all of the above (I don’t need them unless I get the useless planes above, then I DO need them. How does that work?) A Seawolf class attack sub. I want a 7.62mm(?) minigun with the big ammo hopper mounted on my balcony overlooking the parking lot. And a Patriot missile battery if those black helicopter guys come snooping around. I want several of the world’s largest things - so large they are pointless. The world’s largest minicam, for example. Or the world’s largest bag of trail mix. A green laser pointer with a KILL setting, even if it doesn’t work. It would freak people. I’d settle for enough power to char paper. I want a nuclear bomb so big that to use it would destroy the planet. I will rig it to go off upon unauthorized entry into my Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream freezer, which I also want but ISN’T useless. I guess I’m feeling “defensive” today. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/67 "2002-05-14T00:40:21Z")
I want to get all of my teeth capped, finally take care of all of those stains and fillings. But more importantly, I want to get the canines slightly more pronounced. Not some freakish vampire like deal, I don’t want fangs. I just want them to be a bit longer and sharper than normal. ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/68 "2002-05-14T01:41:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scr4 \* > \*\*And that device which has two wires sticking up, and a discharge arc travels up between the wires. (What do you call those anyway?) \*\* That’s a Jacob’s Ladder, **scr4**. I want… 5 lbs of silly putty. [really! you can get it in 5 lb quantites on the website! who’d’ve thought?] a full size fiber optic christmas tree. an inflatible lawn gnome. and a green laser pointer. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/69 "2002-05-14T01:47:52Z")
Most of these things aren’t “useless” per se, but the cheaper models are just as practical and more likely to show up in my life. A kitchen full of All-Clad A Zojirushi neuro fuzzy rice cooker A KitchenAid stand mixer A radar detector About a million and one different DVDs One of [these](http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/gadgets/38cc.shtml) lighters A paid LiveJournal account A manicure, pedicure, massage and eyebrow waxing once a week for forever All of the expansion packs for The Sims An [Aston Martin DB7 Vantage Volante](http://www.ford.com/en/ourVehicles/allCars/astonMartinDB7VantageVolante.htm) A PDA A green laser pointer (and a partridge in a pear tree) ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/70 "2002-05-14T03:07:10Z")
I want a car. I have no earthly need for one. I live in Manhattan. I can’t afford the insurance. Parking is only a little cheaper than private school tuition. But I keep fantasizing. Maybe a PT Cruiser (turbocharged coming this summer!). Maybe a BMW 5-series wagon (I _like_ station wagons, dammit!) Maybe an MG Cooper. Maybe one of [these.](http://www.cadillac.com/cadillacjsp/futuremodels/xlr/index.html) (cadillac xlr) Or, in an absolutely perfect world, one of [these](http://www.americandreamcars.com/1967continentalcnvt.htm). (1967 lincoln continental 4-door convertible) What the hell. I’d really like one of [these.](http://www.idsa.org/whatis/100yr/avanti.htm) (1962 studebaker avanti) And for dessert, one of [these](http://www.europexpo.com/fr/3/13/fiche.htm) (1973 citroen ds 23 pallas, imho the most beautiful car made) Oh dear. I’d best stop. ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/71 "2002-05-14T03:11:18Z")
Lemon Scented Slinky Coin Encrusted Toilet Seat Naked Woman Salt/Pepper Shakers Quilted Underwear Glass Silverwear Zircon Encrusted Tweezers Blue Stainless Streel Sporks Green Laser Pointer Breast Shaped Bookends A Table Made From Melted Down Condoms A Wide Variety of Egg Slicers From Around The World and many more useless things. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/72 "2002-05-14T03:15:20Z")
I want packs of those collectable trading cards for those ongoing games like Legend of the Five Rings and the Monty Python and the Holy Grail game. Useless crap, because of the ridiculous prices and because I don’t know how to play, have no one to play with, and probably don’t have the patience to learn. Just want 'em. I also want a sceptre I saw in the Dancing Dragon catalog. ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/73 "2002-05-14T03:20:01Z")
A machine that goes ‘piiiing’. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/74 "2002-05-14T05:58:42Z")
A good .22 rifle; no recoil, cheap ammo, and you can plink away at cans all day without going deaf(er). A 1974 Triumph TR6. RED. A job that doesn’t require me to work nights. My dog to live forever. A basketball hoop in my backyard (working on that one). A girlfriend. Preferably of the non-lying, non-backstabbing, non-psychotic variety, if there are any of those still around. And if she’s easy on the eyes, that would be a plus. Hmm, right about now I could go for barbecue nachos too… ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/75 "2002-05-14T05:59:58Z")
Here’s a depressing realization: Aside from the car, all my dreams are really low-rent… ---
**Author:** ![Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nenya_Elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/76 "2002-05-14T06:40:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*Legolas’s archery equipement from LOTR. That bow is gorgeous. > > [sub]I also want Legolas. But I wouldn’t consider that useless[/sub] \*\* Me too! I don’t think we can share though…darn. 😃 But what I really want is a Superman t-shirt. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/77 "2002-05-14T14:56:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yojimboguy \* > \*\*Always wanted a bazooka. > > Also: > > A Seawolf class attack sub. > I want a 7.62mm(?) minigun with the big ammo hopper mounted on my balcony overlooking the parking lot. > And a Patriot missile battery if those black helicopter guys come snooping around. > > A green laser pointer with a KILL setting, even if it doesn’t work. It would freak people. I’d settle for enough power to char paper. > > I want a nuclear bomb so big that to use it would destroy the planet. I will rig it to go off upon unauthorized entry into my Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream freezer, which I also want but ISN’T useless. > > I guess I’m feeling “defensive” today. \*\* NO SHIT! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tattva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba8739/32.png) [@Tattva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tattva)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/78 "2002-05-14T16:17:07Z")
A high quality stereo receiver. a 4head stereo VCR. A PDA thingy. A really nice graphics card. Maybe a hercules Prophet. A 21" LCD monitor. A down comforter and some other stuff on my registry. The ability to start fire with my mind. A green laser pointer, in the shape of a dinosaur. ---
**Author:** ![Kbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Kbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kbean)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/79 "2002-05-14T16:45:45Z")
Damn, now I want a green laser pointer too! But a car would be nice…and maybe a swimming pool of watermelon jello. Yummmm. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/80 "2002-05-14T17:16:42Z")
Jacob’s Ladder! That’s it, thanks guys. Now I can search the web for one. I’m not a Frankenstein fan per se, just a fan of mad scientists in general. I also want a real steam traction engine. You know, one of [these](http://steam-up.co.uk/err_2k2/err_2k2_index.htm). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608.md?page=5)