# Useless crap that you want. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608 "2002-05-12T07:46:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![FlyingDragonFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c89c15/32.png) [@FlyingDragonFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingDragonFan)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/81 "2002-05-14T17:38:13Z")
You know, I’ve never before felt the need for a green laser pointer, but now … From **kryptonite2** ’s link, a pointer that has a range of 14,000 feet! Who wouldn’t want a laser that can shine almost three miles?!? I also want an absurdly expensive kung fu [broadsword](http://www.wle.com//products/w111.html). While I do in fact know how to use one, I can’t imagine that I’ll be going to war with the Mongol Hordes any time soon. I think that qualifies as useless. ---
**Author:** ![stankow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@stankow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stankow)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/82 "2002-05-14T18:42:57Z")
I have a cell phone. I have a Palm. I have an MP3 player. What I want is a combination of all three. They have Palm-phones and Palm-MP3 players and cell phone-MP3 players, but no one’s made the leap to all three yet. I give it a year. Also, I want a wooden ring. I don’t know why, but I’ve wanted one for years. ---
**Author:** ![Willow\_fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/45deac/32.png) [@Willow\_fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Willow_fire)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2002, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/83 "2002-05-14T20:12:15Z")
**Scarlett67** > [@](#): > > This remote control. > > And this paddle game. Just the remote control and and paddle game, and that’s all I want. > > And this chair . . . Love the refferance (SP?) to _“The Jerk”_ (Steve Martin) I want: a bigger house (with live a live in maid, please;) ) my hubby home for a few days (he is a truckdriver) All Star Trek movies and shows (all of the spin offs too) on DVD and…every color of laser pointer (they are so cool!) ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/84 "2002-11-29T05:50:11Z")
Well now that Christmas is coming I thought that I would bump this up and add: A tablet PC. It seems to sombine the best of a pocket PC with the best of a desktop. A second green laser pointer. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/85 "2002-11-29T06:58:30Z")
I don’t just want a green laser pointer. I want a green \*\* laser level\*\* pointer. It doesn’t even have to be green. You stick it on the wall and it points these perfectly level beams in all sorts of directions. Well, mostly horizontal and vertical, I suppose. But level, perfectly, level. How great would that be for doing wallpaper, shelving, hanging pictures, wallpaper borders, hanging other stuff, like shelves and pictures and wallpaper and stuff? The possibilities are endless. I _need_ one. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/86 "2002-11-29T12:01:26Z")
I want a r a i n b o w clour laser pointer. How cool would that be? And a can of spotted polka dot paint ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/87 "2002-11-29T14:03:35Z")
I want a KitchenAid mixer. I don’t need one, and it would take up too much room, but it would go nicely with my new (as yet unused) Cuisinart. A kitten. No, they really are useless, they just make you feel good. Warm and fuzzy… Interdimensional storage space for books and clothes, preferable with auto-iron and auto-dust. Someone else to pack for me when I move out. I guess that’s useful. Drat. oh, well. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/88 "2002-11-29T14:09:04Z")
I want programme’s from the 1972 British show “Hulla Baloo” and the Russian show “Rock and Roll At Dawn.” Two of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s most obscure. I once saw a CD called “Julian Lloyd Webber plays Benjamin Britten Folk Songs,” but didn’t have the money to buy it. When I went back to the store, it was gone and I’ve never seen another copy. I wish now I had used my bank card. DAMN! ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/89 "2002-11-29T15:12:55Z")
Green laser pointers??? You’ll shoot your eye out!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/90 "2002-11-29T16:23:57Z")
I want a TiVo or a Replay TV or something like that. I want a copy of Pikmen. I want this really cool yarn I saw in the Herrschners catalog that makes its own stripes when you knit socks with it. (What I really want is for my damn thesis to be done, and strangely, none of these things would advance that goal.) I’m still pretty fascinated by my red laser pointer, though, so . . . ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/91 "2002-11-29T19:02:41Z")
I, too, want 5 pounds of Silly Putty, the color-changing kind. A green laser pointer. An orange espresso machine. A pink walk-in closet. A brown leather jacket. A black horse. A short skirt and a long jacket. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/92 "2002-11-29T19:15:10Z")
I would like to add the boxed set of “Neon Genesis Evangelion”. ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/93 "2002-11-29T19:38:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*[list=1] > [li]A replica of a sabretooth tiger skull[/li][/list=1] \*\* [You like? I like!](http://www.1sks.com/store/united-cutlery-sabertooth-dagger.html) As for what I want, hell. A pizza’d do me right about now. And a set of lockpicks. I second having the ability to start fire with my mind. And a neon Molson Canadian beer sign. A hideously expensive entertainment centre. A urinal in my home. A fully stocked forge/smithy. And some other stuff that I can’t remember right now. But I really don’t want a green laser pointer. I’d point it at things for a few minutes, sure, but then I’d get bored and play with fire or something. ---
**Author:** ![Smaug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@Smaug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smaug)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/94 "2002-11-29T19:53:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\*Legolas’s archery equipement from LOTR. That bow is gorgeous. > > [sub]I also want Legolas. But I wouldn’t consider that useless[/sub] \*\* I want Aragorn’s reforged Anduril, and Sting, so it will shine blue when my sister is coming. Then I can slay her. She is an orc. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/95 "2002-11-29T20:17:02Z")
Dear Santa, I have been a very good girl this year. Which you probably know, since you’ve been keeping such a close eye on me, and know when I’m sleeping, and when I’m awake, and so on. In light of my extraordinary goodness, I would like to request the following toys for my stocking: 1. A new job. A fun one, please, not like the stupid, crappy one the Easter Bunny gave me. 2. A new car. Nothing against the old one, except… well, it’s getting _quite_ old now, and I’m a little concerned that it’s going to fall to pieces. You understand, Santa - you wouldn’t want an old sleigh, right? 3. A big bunch of money. Enough that I could pay off my student loans, and not have to worry about bill collectors coming to take away all my earthly posessions, and then have lots left over. 4. a vacation. Thank you in advance for your generosity! Love, Kn\*ckers P.S.: I know these were supposed to be _useless_ things, but I couldn’t think of any of those, and I wanted to play, too. Please forgive me. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/96 "2002-11-29T20:31:47Z")
I want that twin-bowled aquarium that looks like women’s boobs, a la _Animal House_. I also want that leg lamp from _A Christmas Story_. Oh, and a Humvee. Tripler Oh, and an arc welder, but I can actually use that. ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/97 "2002-11-29T22:51:48Z")
I have seen that leg lamp for sale. I don’t know where you could find it now though. I would try Ebay. ---
**Author:** ![Rug\_Burn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a87d85/32.png) [@Rug\_Burn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rug_Burn)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/98 "2002-11-29T23:50:33Z")
The holiday season always reminds me of the [the greatest family fun game of all time.](http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1920805609) . I must have it…and a green laser pointer to distract the MIL ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/99 "2002-11-29T23:53:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by particlewill \* > \*\*[Homer] Mmmm… Green laser pointer![/Homer] > > They say you can put a visible spot on low clouds with a green pointer. > > \*\* Oooooh!! I didn’t even want a green laser pointer until I read _that_!! I must have one. ---
**Author:** ![ILENSER](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/977dab/32.png) [@ILENSER](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILENSER)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-crap-that-you-want/108608/100 "2002-11-30T00:16:45Z")
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