# Useless Machines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 13, 2013, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808 "2013-03-13T12:29:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/1 "2013-03-13T12:29:40Z")
Another great Wall Street Journal fluff piece. Machines whose only purpose is to turn themselves off: > **[Looking for Something Useful to Do With Your Time? Don't Try This](https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887323628804578348572687608806)** > > Inventors are dreaming up machines that exist only to turn themselves off. Video: [http://live.wsj.com/video/better-than-cat-videos-useless-machines/0B262BFC-85DE-46B3-AF69-80FA06573942.html#!0B262BFC-85DE-46B3-AF69-80FA06573942](http://live.wsj.com/video/better-than-cat-videos-useless-machines/0B262BFC-85DE-46B3-AF69-80FA06573942.html#!0B262BFC-85DE-46B3-AF69-80FA06573942) Actually, they cheated on the video. Many of the devices, while amusing, don’t fit their description. One of them (the “walking” wishbone) is part of one of Arthur Ganson’s kinetic sculptures, which is definitely _not_ a “useless machine”. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/2 "2013-03-13T13:22:29Z")
[Instructables](http://www.instructables.com/id/The-Most-Useless-Machine/) has plans and information on parts kits for the box that shuts itself off. There are usually important mechanical engineering concepts at work in these things, and the fact that they provide entertainment as well makes them not quite useless. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/3 "2013-03-13T13:51:00Z")
Of course, [ThinkGeek](http://youtu.be/aqAUmgE3WyM) sells one. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/4 "2013-03-13T13:59:22Z")
The basic “useless machine” bears resemblance to the “Hand in the Black Box Bank” that was sold in the 1960s, and is still available today: [http://www.amazon.com/Schylling-MB-Magic-Bank/dp/B00004NKJQ](http://www.amazon.com/Schylling-MB-Magic-Bank/dp/B00004NKJQ) This isn’t quite “useless”, since it actually performs a minimal function – it scoops up the coin and drops it into the box. But the coin is actually pushing the “on” switch, and the device is turning itself off by removing the coin, so the usefulness is pretty much secondary to the function of shutting itself off. It just gives the box a _raison d’etre_ it would not otherwise have. Back in the mid-60s they sold these cas “Thing” banks, capitalizing on the character from the then-popular TV show _The Addams Family_. But the banks preceded the TV show. They were selling these in the back pages of _Famous Monsters of Filmland_ and similar magazines before then. > **[(little black box,thing) (poynter,novelty,addams) -shirt -sticker for sale |...](https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw=%28little%2Bblack%2Bbox%2Cthing%29%2B%28poynter%2Cnovelty%2Caddams%29%2B-shirt%2B-sticker)** > > Get the best deals for (little black box,thing) (poynter,novelty,addams) -shirt -sticker at eBay.com. We have a great online selection at the lowest prices with Fast & Free shipping on many items! > **[Little Black Box by Poynter Products - Sam's Toybox](https://www.samstoybox.com/toys/LittleBlackBox.html)** > > Poynter Products's Little Black Box novelty from the 1960s as well as the later Addams Family Thing The “hand bank” seemsd to date from after the creation of the “Useless Machine”, so I suspect the bank was inspired by the machine. I guess somebody just had to think up a use for it. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/5 "2013-03-13T14:12:37Z")
My favourite (can’t visit the links, so sorry if it’s already mentioned) is one called ‘unplugger’ - I think this is a video of it: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/5fXN7x7a5So/hqdefault.jpg "Unplugger") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fXN7x7a5So) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/6 "2013-03-13T14:20:18Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > My favourite (can’t visit the links, so sorry if it’s already mentioned) is one called ‘unplugger’ - I think this is a video of it: > [www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fXN7x7a5So](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fXN7x7a5So) Yes, that one’s on the WSJ video. It’s not similar in structure to the classic “useless machines”, but clearly included because its function is essentially the same. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/7 "2013-03-13T14:56:52Z")
Meh. If they could invent a machine that could plug itself in then I’d be interested. Interested, and slightly scared. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/8 "2013-03-13T15:08:12Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > Meh. If they could invent a machine that could plug itself in then I’d be interested. > > Interested, and slightly scared. [They exist](http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2009-06/new-robot-opens-doors-plugs-self), and it is scary. Luckily I’m old and probably won’t be around to welcome our new overlords. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/9 "2013-03-13T15:20:03Z")
I really want [this device](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=20TsgxXcaH4) that writes the time on a piece of paper when you wind it up. It has 1,200 parts and it only costs $342,000. ---
**Author:** ![GreasyJack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@GreasyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreasyJack)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/10 "2013-03-13T15:25:30Z")
Perhaps a modern version: Cale Larsen’s [A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter](http://caleblarsen.com/projects/a-tool-to-deceive-and-slaughter/). It’s a black cube that does nothing but sell itself on eBay. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/11 "2013-03-13T15:34:06Z")
> [@Colophon](#): > > Meh. If they could invent a machine that could plug itself in then I’d be interested. > > Interested, and slightly scared. To be consistent with the others in this discussion, they should plug themselves in, then explode. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/12 "2013-03-13T15:35:16Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Yes, that one’s on the WSJ video. It’s not similar in structure to the classic “useless machines”, but clearly included because its function is essentially the same. Ah, thanks. It’s a beautifully poignant bit of futility, I think. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/13 "2013-03-13T15:43:38Z")
> [@GreasyJack](#): > > Perhaps a modern version: Cale Larsen’s [A Tool to Deceive and Slaughter](http://caleblarsen.com/projects/a-tool-to-deceive-and-slaughter/). > > It’s a black cube that does nothing but sell itself on eBay. What does it do if you refuse to physically connect it to the internet, or to sell it? Does it threaten you physically, or with legal action? I could see an _I, Robot_\* scenario developing, with the _objet d’art_ taking its owner to court over some sort of Breach of Contract, or Thwarting of Freedom, sand leading to legal questions about the Rights of Robots. \*Otto Binder’s short story (twice adapted on _The Outer Limits_ for TV), not the later Asimov collection ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/14 "2013-03-13T16:02:50Z")
Useless machine, [advanced edition](http://www.wimp.com/machineedition/). ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/15 "2013-03-13T16:32:06Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > [They exist](http://www.popsci.com/scitech/article/2009-06/new-robot-opens-doors-plugs-self), and it is scary. Luckily I’m old and probably won’t be around to welcome our new overlords. It looks like it’s very slow. VERY slow. And it seems to have a lot of trouble just getting oriented to the outlet – it tries and tries and tries and tries and tries to find just the right approach to get the plug to go in. So I wouldn’t be too worried JUST yet. 😃 I couldn’t really see how it gets through a group of people – does it try to move around them, or does it just wait until everybody goes by? In some situations, it could get “stuck” for an indefinite period if a lot of people were coming and going. Definitely easier to just get a human to do your chores. ---
**Author:** ![GreasyJack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@GreasyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreasyJack)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2013, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/16 "2013-03-13T16:54:04Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > What does it do if you refuse to physically connect it to the internet, or to sell it? Does it threaten you physically, or with legal action? > > I could see an _I, Robot_\* scenario developing, with the _objet d’art_ taking its owner to court over some sort of Breach of Contract, or Thwarting of Freedom, sand leading to legal questions about the Rights of Robots. > > \*Otto Binder’s short story (twice adapted on _The Outer Limits_ for TV), not the later Asimov collection The buyer is supposed to be legally obligated to connect it to electricity and the internet. Allowing the device itself to threaten legal action would be an excellent idea for version 2.0! Of course, more practically, the current owner apparently paid $7500 for the thing and if it’s not actively trying to sell itself it’s just a boring old cube. It doesn’t seem to be currently hooked up, though. The last auction ended back in December and a new one hasn’t started. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/17 "2013-03-14T00:32:35Z")
What **CalMeacham** said about the hand bank machine. The first such self-off-shutting machines I saw was one of those, circa 1965. Kid at junior high school was showing one around. Get other kids (me, for one) to put a coin in the slot. (For those who don’t get the picture: The coin doesn’t fall into the box. It just sits there in the slot, mostly still sticking out.) Hatch opens; hand comes out; hand grabs coin; hand retracts back into box (with coin). Student goes home some number of quarters richer at end of day. My immediate reaction at the time was that it was well worth $0.25 for the entertainment value. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/18 "2013-03-14T00:49:45Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Useless machine, [advanced edition](http://www.wimp.com/machineedition/). That one’s in the WSJ video I posted in the OP, too. Although not as long. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/19 "2013-03-14T18:47:39Z")
Bah! This machine has them all beat. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808/20 "2013-03-15T18:01:55Z")
I was expecting a thread devoted to General Motors products. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-machines/652808.md?page=2)