# Useless magic items **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 8, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225 "2003-04-08T02:57:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/81 "2003-04-11T02:05:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jpeg Jones \* > > * * * > > _Omelette of Brevity_ - Enables user to get to the point more quickly. > \*\* Wait, omelette or amulet? ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/82 "2003-04-11T02:11:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*_Linna Inverse’s Wand Of Dragon Slave_–has the power to end the campaign. > > **Apollyon** –I know, I know. One campaign, a guy got ahold of a sword that could transform itsself into any other kind of magic sword, _for one day only_. Then, it became non-magical. > > He asked for He-Man’s Sword of Greyskull. :smack: I threw my can of Coke at him. \*\* All right, I see your _Lina Inverse’s Wand of Dragon Slave_ and raise with _Lina Inverse’s Wand of Giga Slave_. (Now, if only I could remember the sword spell from _Slayers Next_.) I never watched _He-Man_. What is the Sword of Greyskull? ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/83 "2003-04-11T02:45:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ludovic \* > \*\*Scroll of **Dramidj’s Instant Death** : causes Dramidj, whereever, and _whoever_ he is, to die instantaneously, no saving throw. > > – From an old Dragon April fools issue. \*\* You mean Drawmij. 🙂 As the magazine went on to say, he’s getting mighty tired of that spell! ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/84 "2003-04-11T02:55:16Z")
I forgot to add that _Giga Slave_ will not end your campaign but also any neighboring campaigans. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/85 "2003-04-11T03:51:10Z")
In a epistolary game I play with my wife my character mentions casting Nyustl’s Arcane Gesticulation, which does nothing but looks like a very impressive feat of spellcasting. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/86 "2003-04-11T04:11:01Z")
_Drums of Solo_ When played, these drums create a localized field wherein time moves independently of events outside the area of effect. Inside the area of effect, no less than six turns will pass, while outside of the AOE no time will pass. Creatures within the AOE will find themselves unable to take any action (including thought) other than vaguely nodding along with the beat. Spell effects, bleeding, actions begun prior to the drums starting to be played, etc. do not progress within the AOE during the time the drums are being played. The upshot is that while the situation does not change at all, everyone hearing the drums will be left with a vague feeling that the whole thing took way too long. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/87 "2003-04-11T06:39:22Z")
Flaming Sword: When activated, begins singing show tunes, and looks absolutely FABulous. Blindfold of Darkvision: Completely opaque cloth grants the wearer Darkvision. Has no other special qualities. Bells of silence: When rung, creates a zone of silence inveloping everything which can hear the bell. Effect ceases is the bell cannot be heard. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/88 "2003-04-11T06:40:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tengu \* > **Blindfold of Darkvision: Completely opaque cloth grants the wearer Darkvision. Has no other special qualities.** Insert ‘if worn over the eyes’ at the end of the first sentence of the description. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/89 "2003-04-11T13:00:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > \*\*I never watched _He-Man_. What is the Sword of Greyskull? \*\* Here’s a hint: > [@](#): > > I HAVE THE POOWWWEERRRR!!! > > _ **BOOOOMMMMM!** _ ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/90 "2003-04-11T16:18:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Here’s a hint: \*\* Sorry, still not getting it. ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/91 "2003-04-11T17:19:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > \*\*Wait, omelette or amulet? \*\* **Omelette** , my friend. Omelette. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/92 "2003-04-11T18:17:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dorkusmalorkusmafia \* > \*\*That item would be very useful in some of the campaigns I have played, furryman. We had a lot of interparty intrigue and being able to find out who was plotting against you at any given time would have saved a lot of grief and actually got the party into the adventure rather than the over wrought attempts at backstabbing to steal your good loot. \*\* I guess I forgot to add that the -4 wand can do that, but the -5 wand just makes the possessor paranoid. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/93 "2003-04-11T20:32:17Z")
_Porthajan’s Water of Release_ – Drink a half gallon of this water and within an hour you’ll have to go to the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/94 "2003-04-11T21:17:45Z")
_Lieu’s Black Potion_ - Contains 100% prune juice. Drink this and, well, you know… ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/95 "2003-04-11T23:05:56Z")
Potion of Detect _Potion-detection potion_ potion _Wand of Summon Tiny Little Hat_ _Talisman of Constant Trickling Diarrhea_ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/96 "2003-04-12T01:00:52Z")
Bed of tanning – Sleep in this bed for 1 round to turn a shade tanner. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/97 "2003-04-12T05:46:21Z")
> [@](#): > > potion of air breathing I actually was able to make use of this back when I was a gamer. I ended up in an underwater adventure, and wanted to bring someone back who couldn’t breathe outside water. That potion was useful. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/98 "2003-04-12T09:47:47Z")
This semester I am taking a class on Game Theory in the Humanities. In many ways, we are interested in things well beyond a mathematician’s concept of `Game Theory’ should cover, such that I am able to get graduate credit for years of thining in RPGs. Now, don’t you chumps who work for a living feel stupid? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/99 "2003-04-12T10:38:37Z")
To sucker a group I ran with Vampire, I created the Ring of Brain Trust. Everytime the ring was used, it would absorb the mind and abilities of the target, and would transfer them to the wearer, leaving the target in a state of tabula rasa. What the player who had it _did not know_, was that for everytime they used it, there was the chance that it would cause a splinter in their psyche and could cause MPD. They were SO excited to have the ring and the powers that could be acquired with it, that they NEVER asked if there was any repercussions. The 13th use was an automatic MPD. It was fierce when it went off. The player had absorbed so many powers and abilities. Thaumatergy… well… by the time they took down their psychotic former ally, there was less than a fourth of the player characters left. Though there were definite uses for the ring, I think the repercussions put it in the realm of useless magical items. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225/100 "2003-04-12T17:08:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > \*\*Sorry, still not getting it. \*\* When one holds aloft the Sword of Greyskull and chants, “By the power of Greyskull!”, a male chorus sings briefly in the background and the sword-holder turns into He-Man, the Most Powerful Man in the Universe [TM]. It has been established on at least one episode of _He-Man and the Masters of the Universe_ that He-Man **stays** He-Man even if the Sword of Greyskull is taken away from him. So … if you had a sword that could become any magic sword for one day only, and thereafter would become non-magical, you could use it to turn yourself into He-Man permanently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/useless-magic-items/167225.md?page=6)