# Using a time machine to help just one person in the past **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 15, 2006, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876 "2006-05-15T18:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/21 "2006-05-15T21:22:02Z")
Kryten: Or we travel back to 1963, stand on the Grassy Knoll, and yell “Duck!” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/22 "2006-05-15T21:28:34Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Or do the same to Mark David Chapman [/QUOTE] **Annie** , you take care of him; I’ll see about getting George Harrison to give up smoking. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/23 "2006-05-15T22:32:05Z")
I’d whisper in Queen Isabella’s ear so that she never funds Columbus. Then I start some rumors so nasty, no European is willing to cross the pond. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/24 "2006-05-15T22:43:32Z")
I’d convince Shakespeare to write his autobiography, penned in his own hand, and then bring it back with me and settle all these suppositions about the Bard once and for all… … right after I auction off the original manuscript at Sotheby’s. eBay, schmeeBay. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/25 "2006-05-15T22:49:18Z")
People like you are the reason we need the Time Patrol. You have no idea what type of ramifications even a “benign” alteration in the timeline can have. Like when we had to remove the pyramids, and people kept asking Cecil “What’s that triangular thing on the back of the one dollar bill?” ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/26 "2006-05-15T23:04:57Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Or do the same to Mark David Chapman [/QUOTE] I would do my best to help protect Lennon, in case you can’t help Chapman, I would just try an make sure John looked out for him. Besides in one timeline, when John led the concert for Peace as the Berlin wall came down, it set off the millenium of Peace. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Roadfood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@Roadfood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roadfood)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/27 "2006-05-15T23:22:45Z")
[Danny Gatton](http://www.dannygatton.com). One of the greatest guitar players to ever live, cut down just as he was heading for breakout stardom. He apparently committed suicide, so if I went back, I could stop him and try to get him whatever help he needed. Or Stevie Ray Vaughan. I wonder if I could convince him not to get on that helicoptor? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/28 "2006-05-15T23:34:13Z")
I’d send a wisecracking dude with most excellent guitar skills back to help Bill S Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan get together. I really think they could have been something… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/29 "2006-05-15T23:37:00Z")
[QUOTE=Askia] I’d convince Shakespeare to write his autobiography, penned in his own hand, and then bring it back with me and settle all these suppositions about the Bard once and for all… … right after I auction off the original manuscript at Sotheby’s. eBay, schmeeBay. [/QUOTE] Yeah, that’ll work. How fast will the auctioneer have to talk to get past the point that this manuscript, purported to have been written four hhundred years ago, is on paper that bears all the signs of being no more thatn a couple of years old? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/30 "2006-05-15T23:45:28Z")
Look, all you need to do is place it in perpetuity holding until around 2400, then have it sent back to subjective now. It will be four hundred integral years old by then; they don’t need to know all the years are n+ instead of n-. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/31 "2006-05-15T23:47:21Z")
[QUOTE=DrFidelius] People like you are the reason we need the Time Patrol. You have no idea what type of ramifications even a “benign” alteration in the timeline can have. Like when we had to remove the pyramids, and people kept asking Cecil “What’s that triangular thing on the back of the one dollar bill?” [/QUOTE] Dude, you said that in your out loud voice. Get with the program, Patrolman. Do you WANT to screw up the continuum? ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/32 "2006-05-16T00:30:53Z")
[QUOTE=DrFidelius] Look, all you need to do is place it in perpetuity holding until around 2400, then have it sent back to subjective now. It will be four hundred integral years old by then; they don’t need to know all the years are n+ instead of n-. [/QUOTE] Well, if they find traces of radioactive dust on it from the limited nuclear exchange of 2241, it’ll be suspicious. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/33 "2006-05-16T00:38:42Z")
“Don’t eat the apple. Don’t touch the apple. Don’t even go _near_ the apple. I’m bloody serious here. And get one of the mongooses for that snake.” ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/34 "2006-05-16T00:40:18Z")
I got depressed thinking about this question. The first person who came to mind was Anne Frank – I could go back to 1944, my first thought was to somehow directly engage the German police as they arrived at the house. I could say something like “Guys, they were _fleeing_ just before you showed up, they went that way. You better run and see if you can catch them!” Obviously, not a good plan. Then I thought maybe it would be better to go back a few years earlier, and build a better annex. But how depressing is that? What about all the people who didn’t have an annex to hide in at all? Would I keep them out? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/35 "2006-05-16T00:53:32Z")
Does it half to be a famous person? I’d tell my sister to stay out of the sun. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/36 "2006-05-16T00:54:10Z")
The following are, in the words of the Guiness Guys, “BRILLIANT!” [QUOTE=mobo85] Either that or I tell Walt Disney to quit smoking and see if I can get him to live past 65 to see where the company would go. Would Disney World be different if Walt lived to see it through in its early years? [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Inigo Montoya] I think it would be interesting to see how the world would be different if Jesus had gotten serious about carpentry, instead of romping about with his 'possles and being all self-righteous and rebellious, and instead perfected the 5-drawer dresser and…well, any other piece of furniture he developed would have been perfect I guess. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=MaxTheVool] “I’d send a wisecracking dude with most excellent guitar skills back to help Bill S Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan get together. I really think they could have been something…” [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Kythereia] “Don’t eat the apple. Don’t touch the apple. Don’t even go _near_ the apple. I’m bloody serious here. And get one of the mongooses for that snake.” [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/37 "2006-05-16T00:54:59Z")
[QUOTE=anyrose] Does it half to be a famous person? I’d tell my sister to stay out of the sun. [/QUOTE] oy! **have** not **half** :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/38 "2006-05-16T01:23:37Z")
Get Cyril Kornbluth some decent heart medication. Or arrange for Sergei Korolov to go to Geneva for his hemorrhoid operation. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/39 "2006-05-16T01:28:12Z")
It’s small, it’s petty, and it’s personal… Go back and tell Beam Piper, “Cheer up, a check is on the way!” ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2006, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876/40 "2006-05-16T01:39:10Z")
That, or arrange for a young Karl Marx to inherit a horse ranch in Texas from his long-lost great-great-uncle Hans. The will states that he has to claim it in person (boat and stage tickets helpfully provided), but if he doesn’t, the assets will be forfited to the offices of the Mexican Inquisition. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/using-a-time-machine-to-help-just-one-person-in-the-past/356876.md?page=3)