Kryten: Or we travel back to 1963, stand on the Grassy Knoll, and yell “Duck!”
Annie, you take care of him; I’ll see about getting George Harrison to give up smoking.
I’d whisper in Queen Isabella’s ear so that she never funds Columbus. Then I start some rumors so nasty, no European is willing to cross the pond.
I’d convince Shakespeare to write his autobiography, penned in his own hand, and then bring it back with me and settle all these suppositions about the Bard once and for all…
… right after I auction off the original manuscript at Sotheby’s. eBay, schmeeBay.
People like you are the reason we need the Time Patrol. You have no idea what type of ramifications even a “benign” alteration in the timeline can have.
Like when we had to remove the pyramids, and people kept asking Cecil “What’s that triangular thing on the back of the one dollar bill?”
I would do my best to help protect Lennon, in case you can’t help Chapman, I would just try an make sure John looked out for him.
Besides in one timeline, when John led the concert for Peace as the Berlin wall came down, it set off the millenium of Peace. 
Danny Gatton. One of the greatest guitar players to ever live, cut down just as he was heading for breakout stardom. He apparently committed suicide, so if I went back, I could stop him and try to get him whatever help he needed.
Or Stevie Ray Vaughan. I wonder if I could convince him not to get on that helicoptor?
I’d send a wisecracking dude with most excellent guitar skills back to help Bill S Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan get together. I really think they could have been something…
Yeah, that’ll work. How fast will the auctioneer have to talk to get past the point that this manuscript, purported to have been written four hhundred years ago, is on paper that bears all the signs of being no more thatn a couple of years old?
Look, all you need to do is place it in perpetuity holding until around 2400, then have it sent back to subjective now. It will be four hundred integral years old by then; they don’t need to know all the years are n+ instead of n-.
Dude, you said that in your out loud voice. Get with the program, Patrolman. Do you WANT to screw up the continuum?
Well, if they find traces of radioactive dust on it from the limited nuclear exchange of 2241, it’ll be suspicious.
“Don’t eat the apple. Don’t touch the apple. Don’t even go near the apple. I’m bloody serious here. And get one of the mongooses for that snake.”
I got depressed thinking about this question. The first person who came to mind was Anne Frank – I could go back to 1944, my first thought was to somehow directly engage the German police as they arrived at the house. I could say something like “Guys, they were fleeing just before you showed up, they went that way. You better run and see if you can catch them!”
Obviously, not a good plan. Then I thought maybe it would be better to go back a few years earlier, and build a better annex. But how depressing is that? What about all the people who didn’t have an annex to hide in at all? Would I keep them out?
Does it half to be a famous person? I’d tell my sister to stay out of the sun.
The following are, in the words of the Guiness Guys, “BRILLIANT!”
oy! have not half :smack:
Get Cyril Kornbluth some decent heart medication.
Or arrange for Sergei Korolov to go to Geneva for his hemorrhoid operation.
It’s small, it’s petty, and it’s personal…
Go back and tell Beam Piper, “Cheer up, a check is on the way!”
That, or arrange for a young Karl Marx to inherit a horse ranch in Texas from his long-lost great-great-uncle Hans. The will states that he has to claim it in person (boat and stage tickets helpfully provided), but if he doesn’t, the assets will be forfited to the offices of the Mexican Inquisition.